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Oklahoma can finally breathe a much-deserved sigh of relief because the Real Housewives of New Jersey have finally retreated back to the Garden State. The festering animosity between sisters-in-law Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice is boiling barely beneath the surface. Newbie Jackie Goldschneider is seemingly choosing sides. Margaret Josephs is glad to give her friend and OK hostess a break after invading her home with rude, spray-tanned banshees. Of course, she cannot wait to tour Jennifer Aydin’s gauche Paramus Palace of Potties. SIXTEEN BATHROOMS (screamed in my best Dana “TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND!” voice)…

LeeANne

Y’all. LeeAnne Locken has stolen the show with her meditative bowls and never-ending dress situation. Sure, on the last season of Real Housewives of Dallas, LeeAnne was scaring us all with sordid details about the Round-Up and her murder hands. Lately, Brandi Redmond has actually made LeeAnne somewhat (somewhat, but not really) sympathetic to viewers. Not to mention, it was nice to see her getting along with Stephanie Hollman and finding an ally in Kameron Wescott as her friendship with D’Andra Simmons crumbled.

LeeAnne has a lot to say about Brandi’s behavior this season, and she finds it laughable that her nemesis could stir up trouble and start fights only to cry the victim card. Hmmmm…does that pattern sound familiar to her? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so perhaps LeeAnne should take Brandi’s boorishness as a compliment. Regardless, I cannot wait for the RHOD reunion tonight!

Kameron thinks D'Andra is

Real Housewives of Dallas was a rodeo of drama this season, and I absolutely adored every second of the cray. Whether it’s LeeAnne Locken’s finger-knives and infinity dress or Cary Deuber’s flip-flopping in the name of truth serum, it’s been a great season.

Brandi Redmond’s attempts to prove she doesn’t have a drinking problem may, in fact, cause a drinking problem, but at least she’s having fun, right? I kid. She certainly wasn’t having a blast at Stephanie Hollman’s frat party on last week’s finale. Instead, the pink pooch princess and her condescending nod stepped into Brandi’s party girl role…and into the foam pit. Revisiting the pitfalls of Dallas society (to which she’d never fall victim!). Kameron Wescott even has some kind words for D’Andra Simmons. Color me a pastel shade of shocked!

Brandi Redmond Cheerleader

Brandi Redmond doesn’t seem to want to take the high road in her feud with LeeAnne Locken. The dueling divas from Real Housewives of Dallas took center stage at Cary Dueber’s Copenhagen caravan as well as Stephanie Hollman’s college mixer.

With D’Andra Simmons as her new ride or die, Brandi takes great offense to Kameron Westcott’s blind loyalty to LeeAnne. RHOD is one of my favorite Housewives franchises (don’t judge me!), but I prefer Brandi and Stephanie’s fun antics and disregard for Dallas society’s rules. This beef with LeeAnne isn’t a good look on Brandi. She’s doing a good job of making her nemesis look far less crazed than seasons past!

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Bathrooms And Bull

If the Real Housewives of New Jersey haven’t been banned from the fly-over states, it’s a corn shucking miracle! Poor Oklahoma is still dealing with the weaves and wackiness from last week’s episode as the ladies head off to a tense dinner. Margaret Josephs is happy to hear that Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga seemed to have smoothed over their argument…although Tre is unaware of how riled up Joe Gorga is after hearing Melissa’s rehash of the nasty breakfast. At the restaurant, Jennifer Aydin is talking about her ginormous house. She has to have an extra “wife” to cook and clean her seven bedroom house. She even has cameras in every room and she does random bag checks before the nanny heads out for the evening. Jackie Goldschneider finds it frighteningly hilarious that Jennifer trusts the nanny with her children but not with her collection of Chanel.

To change the subject, Margaret enlists the ladies in a game of two truths and a lie. Her statements: she used to fool around with her high school gym teacher, she’s only done cocaine once, and her ex-husband used to lock her in a closet when she made him angry. The women are surprised to hear her lie was the gym teacher. They can’t imagine feisty Margaret putting up with that in her marriage. No one believes Dolores Catania when she states she had sex with her ex-husband/roommate Frank Catania last week. Jennifer goes for shock value with tales of playing the submissive to her bestie’s dominatrix, getting a butt lift, and pooping herself in traffic. She was lying about the butt lift. Jennifer was wild before she met her ultra-conservative husband.

 

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap:Today I am thankful for witnessing the most awkward, fish-out-of-water weekend getaway in the history of Bravo. I was hoping for a Real Housewives of New Jersey crossover with Sweet Home. All I got was the preemptive simmer of a Teresa Giudice/Melissa Gorga meltdown. However, I am so grateful for last night’s RHONJ episode, and all the wind that wound their weaves. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

The ladies are prepping for their southern safari with the requisite amount of leopard print and rhinestones. Margaret Josephs is thrilled to work on her Hospital Heroes children’s hospital gown line with her longtime friend Polly. Teresa calls her brother Joe Gorga asks him to spend time with the amazing Giacinto Gorga, aka Nonno, while she and Melissa are out of town. Joe is frustrated with his sister’s directives. He’s far too busy with work. He urges a reluctant Melissa to go stand up to Tre in his absence. She doesn’t want to get in between the siblings. She’s been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and has the stripper rumors to boot!

The Stud Of The Sea Is Back! Below Deck Season 6 Premieres Tonight!

After the drama in the Med, I am more than ready for the Stud of the Sea. Captain Lee Rosbach can do no wrong, and he’s returning with the queen of RBF, Kate Chastain. The phenomenal oceanic duo is joined by a crew of newbies, and the sexual tension on the new season of Below Deck is off the charts. If tonight’s premiere is any indication, it’s going to be a raunchy romp. Perhaps the charter guests should bring a black light…

Motorcycles, Moral Compasses, And Maybe Babies? Watch A Preview Of Ton

Moral compasses aside, the ladies are making their best efforts to get along on tonight’s Real Housewives of Orange County. In the wake of Gina Kirschenheiter’s divorce announcement, Vicki Gunvalson is still spewing her “stay married” advice. However, this time it’s poor Steve Lodge who is the captive audience. She really tries to work marriage into about every conversation with this man, doesn’t she? The best part of this story is that her holier than thou conversation happens at a biker bar after an afternoon of riding a motorcycle with her man. Talk about a fish out of water!

Meanwhile in the OC, Emily Simpson admits that she loves living so close to her in-laws. Not only does her pocket MIL provide wonderful insight, but she’s a damn good babysitter, too! Speaking of babies, Emily has a tragic past with pregnancies which is what ultimately led her sister to be a surrogate for her and Shane. With nine viable embryos still on ice with her doctor, she is eager to give her own daughter a sister close in age. The only snag in her plan? Shane isn’t on board for another child…yet.