Last night begins with a continuation of Andy’s conversation with Teresa in which she admits that she won’t move her family to Italy if husband Joe Giudice is deported. She hedges around the word “divorce” but she won’t endure a long distance marriage. Her friends seem both shocked and sad at this admission. Tre explains that she and Joe have spoken about what will happen, and they agree that they should go their separate ways if he is no longer in the country. Teresa didn’t share this news with any of her friends, but Melissa isn’t surprised–she wants her sister-in-law to be happy, and she can’t imagine having to make that decision.
Last night was the second installment of The Teresa ShowReal Housewives of New Jersey. Before Teresa Giudice can throw Andy Cohen’s cue cards at Jackie Goldschneider, Jackie reminds Teresa that she is on parole. The women shriek back and forth about which one is more obsessed with the other. When Andy is finally able to get in a word, he questions Jackie about the article she wrote about Jennifer Aydin’s kids. Not surprisingly, this causes Jennifer to transform into a banshee who demands THE TRUTH! Jackie tries to defend herself but admits that she should have given Jennifer a head’s up before it was published. A viewer calls the article complimentary and wonders if Jennifer even read it. Jennifer did read it, and she didn’t appreciate the critique of her parenting. That said, had she known it was coming, she wouldn’t have been as angry.
A fan questions why it’s okay for Dolores Catania to speak for Teresa, but it’s not okay when Jackie sticks up for Melissa Gorga. Dolores clarifies that she is just trying to share Teresa’s viewpoint in a quieter different way. Regarding the entire “control your husband” conversation, Teresa changes her tune and asserts that she only meant Melissa could persuade Joe Gorga to spend more time with Nonno.
I cannot believe we’re already to the Real Housewives of New Jerseyreunion! Last night’s first installment of the ladies’ sit down with Andy Cohen was reality gold…and pewter and bronze and silver. Their gowns were like a medal ceremony in the Envy by Melissa GorgaOlympics. Also, whoever told Jackie Goldscheider that the attire was cleavage optional is clearly getting the last laugh. But at least Jackie’s least likely to have a wardrobe malfunction when being screamed at by the first eight seasons’ Teresa Giudice who throws tables punches instead of rolling with them. Shockingly, Jennifer Aydin has her girls under wraps as well, although she does arrive in a Rocky-style blinged-out boxing robe. Of course, she does.
Andy welcomes the newbies before questioning Teresa about Joe Giudice’s impending deportation. Teresa is clearly upset, but they table the discussion for later in the reunion. He continues schmoozing the RHONJ cast before complimenting Margaret Josephs’ facelift. He even gets Dolores Catania to admit to butt implants with her own fat. Jackie shares she had a tummy tuck after giving birth to two sets of twins. Margaret also reveals that she and husband Joe Beningo shower together every morning.
I can’t believe we’ve come to the end of this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey. It seems like it has gone by so quickly, but in some ways, it’s been quite a long, drama-fueled road that culminated in the ladies seeing red at Jennifer Aydin’s anniversary party celebrating sixteen years with Dr. Poolhouse. Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub are perusing scarlet ball gowns while discussing Margaret Joseph’s gala. Danielle gets in a requisite amount of digs while questioning whether she’ll be well received at the party. Teresa reveals that she doesn’t have an issue with Margaret and sees no reason not to be her friend. Danielle bristles, questioning whether Teresa will have her back if someone comes for her at the event. Of course, Tre is nothing if not loyal. It was hard to even type that with a straight face!
Jackie Goldschneider takes her mother for a makeover, but her mom explains that her physical appearance has never had an impact on her self-esteem. Jackie believes her mother has felt she had to be frumpy to be taken seriously as a business woman. She compares that fear of finding beauty with her reconciliation with her sister after a fifteen year estrangement. I’m not sure what one has to do with the other, but her mother’s hair and make-up looks nice.
Had you been waiting with bated breath like me for last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey? All week I pondered who would prevail in the battle of Envy by Melissa Gorga and Jennifer Aydin’s tacky Chanel. Frankly, I wouldn’t put my money on either of them to throw down after Margaret Josephs doused Danielle Staub with Dolores Catania’s wine, but crazier things have happened in Cabo! Also, I appreciate the RHONJ’s producers for giving us a “to be continued” episode last week. What’s that old saying? People in garish houses shouldn’t throw glass? Jennifer gets in Melissa’s face, and Melissa quickly retreats. Dolores steps in to intimidate Jennifer, and Danielle intervenes. No matter how much Danielle hates Dolores, she respects her ability to beat Jennifer’s monkey’s ass lip liner.
Dolores takes a walk to cool off. Margaret confides in Jackie Goldschneider about how disappointed she is in Teresa Giudice’s behavior. She thought they were friends. Why is Teresa condoning Danielle (and subsequently Jennifer’s) abhorrent behavior? Teresa chases down Melissa who is disgusted by her sister-in-law’s loyalty. Dolores approaches to second Melissa’s assertions. Tre is peeved by their statements while Melissa and Dolores find Jackie and Margaret to share what escalated. At the bar, Teresa, Jennifer, and Danielle defend their actions. At least Teresa tries to show Jennifer the error of her ways…sort of.
Seriously, what could go wrong? (Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.
So last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey welcomed Teresa Giudice back into the land of tequila with minimal drama (that’s saved for next week!). Margaret Josephs does her best to be relevant, and while I really like her, she’s sinking down to a level she shouldn’t…or maybe she’s required to–this is reality television after all! Thankfully the kids scenes were kept to a minimum. I know several readers didn’t appreciate my snarky request not to snark on the kids, but we can all agree we are here to snark…I just like keeping it to the adults who signed up for this circus! As always, thank you for reading, and now, let’s get to slinging super bronzed snark!
The RHONJ episode opens with the ladies and their families prepping for their day a la Southern Charm’s formula. Teresa is sharing her very tiny wardrobe for the upcoming bodybuilding competition with daughters Audriana, Gabriella, and Gia. Audriana calls it like she sees it. The outfit is gross and is certainly going to go up her mom’s butt. Teresa shares that she was nervous to tell incarcerated husband Joe Guidice that she was participating in such an event due to his jealous tendencies. She’s relieved that he is not only supportive, but he hopes she wins. Realizing she can’t change her mother’s tiny-weeny-bikini choices, Audriana remembers the ol’ “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” mantra and models some seriously killer poses her mom should use on the catwalk.
A very huge thank you to The Marvelous Mrs. Mary for covering the Real Housewives of New Jersey recap last week when I was traveling for my day job. She always calls it like she sees it, and these women require a lot of attention. Finally, Teresa Giudice seems to be getting along with sister-in-law Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider, the newbie who broke Tre code early on in the season. Jennifer Aydin is still harping on Jackie’s stupid article in the wake of her trip to Turkey. Give it up, already! Does anyone even read this paper they keep mentioning? Sheesh. Even Margaret Josephs has sunk below the fray with her recent comments about Jennifer’s brother’s engagements. Can’t we all just get along? No. I know the answer will always be “no.”
That said, I’d give my eye teeth to watch a Dolores Catania/Danielle Staub smackdown to energize this RHONJ lull! If we can’t have that nugget, I guess I’ll settle for a Marty Caffrey/Joe Benigno Italian grinder seasoned with a Joe Gorga voice of reason. For dessert? A heaping portion of Milania Giudice’s rap debut–mad props to her for having the guts to perform in front of all of those people! I’m full…but these folks are FULL OF IT!