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Scott Disick Kourtney Kardashian

Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean! Once again, the Kardashians claim something awful happened to them. Something that wasn’t caught on camera or leaked to the press as it happened. Call me crazy, but I don’t believe them.

In March, Khloe Kardashian reported $250,000 worth of jewelry missing from her Tarzana home and Kourtney Kardashian claimed $50,000 cash was stolen from her Calabasas home. Both thefts remain unsolved. Now Kourtney wants us to believe $4,000 was stolen from her Southampton home. What a shame nobody stole that jumpsuit before she could wear it in public. Oy.

Kim Zolciak, who has six kids, one hot husband, and a house full of wigs, has 59 security cameras in her home. But the Kardashians, who have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cash and valuables lying around, have no reliable cameras in their homes? Yeah, OK.

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Elton John Academy Awards Viewing Party

Well this could put a damper on going out with sister Khloe while staying in the Hamptons this summer. US Weekly is reporting that Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are expecting their third child.

The happily unmarried twosome are already parents to 4-year-old Mason, and Penelope, who turns 2 next month.

No one from the Keeping Up With the Kardashians camp has yet to confirm or deny the pregnancy, but Kourtney and Scott have often talked about expanding their family.

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Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian

For today's installment of utterly ridiculous news featuring the Kardashians: 

Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian have filed criminal charges against a clown, Richie the Barber, who threw confetti at them. No, I'm not kidding. This family takes themselves way too seriously!!  I understand that Khloe and Kourtney's personal space was violated, but surely they have something better to do with their time – maybe teach younger sister Kendall how to read – than worry about confetti in their hair.

"They were okay, they went in the car and drove away," Richie said about the incident, which was caught on camera for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. "Then the bodyguard came out to me. They called the cops and said it was battery, a hate crime, stuff like that. The cops came to talk to me and filed a report." TMZ reported that the cops "privately scoffed" at the complaint and did nothing to pursue the "frivolous" claims.

Kourtney and Khloe reportedly followed up with cops a few days ago – and announced that they now want to file criminal battery charges against Richie

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The Hamptons are not ready to be taken over by Kourtney Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian. Within hours of the news breaking that the reality stars will be shooting Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons this summer in the upper crust Long Island, New York Summer paradise, the locals took to Twitter to share their feelings about the coming Kardashian invasion.

The reality sisters often shoot a Keeping Up With the Kardashians spin-off during the summer, with previous seasons following them living it up and opening a new DASH store in Miami and one with Kim Kardashian in New York City. Remember that one?? It had the awkward addition of Kris Humphries?!?! E! doesn't seem to play that season over and over in re-runs. Wonder why?

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Soho

ZMOG – the wedding of the century is upon us. And very, very soon! According to sources Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be getting married on May 24th in Paris. Poor France. 

"It won't be a huge wedding," a source reveals to People. "Around 150 people." Daughter North, who turns 1 in July, will play a prominent role in the ceremony and it's pretty much certain it will be aired on Keeping Up With The Kardashians or some sort of E! Special. Kim hasn't decided on a dress yet, but hopefully her fashion sense improves in time for wedding gown shopping, cause yea – no. 

"[I’ve shopped] a little bit, but I really need a good sit down to plan it all out," Kim revealed. 

Also reportedly making plans to finally walk down the aisle are Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick! I guess Kris Jenner finally convinced the stalwart couple that weddings equal big ratings which translates into big paychecks

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Do we know the whereabouts of the Bling Ring? Really, are they in jail? Filming a new season of Pretty Wild (I loved that awful show #sorrynotsorry)? Collecting Hollywood paychecks as residuals for the major motion picture that was made about them? The authorities in Calabasas, California may want to find out what that crazy gang of kids has been up to as of late because someone has been ripping off the Kardashians.

Both Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney have been robbed recently…and the instances may be connected. Quick, someone call Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson because this could be a job for them (totally obsessed with True Detective when I'm not watching reality shows!). Seriously, it is odd that both sisters were targeted by criminals at the same time. 

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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick LAX

Imagine…someone in Canada thinks Keeping up with the Kardashians is too crude. Are we watching the same show? Obviously, I'm being sarcastic, although I am not at all surprised by the dirty mouths on Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim, nor do their thong pulling, underwear sniffing, breast leaking antics shock me in the least. How sad is that?

It all started with a "knock knock" joke courtesy of Lord Scott Disick on Keeping up with the Kardashians that aired on October 23 in the middle of the afternoon. He and Kourtney spent part of the episode using donuts and carrots to simulate a certain sex act.  Keepin' it klassy, those two! I guess I should give you the warning that there may some offensive jokes and/or language after the jump…you know, the warning that the Canadian version of E! forgot to issue before the episode in question!

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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick arrive into LAX with their children

Give it a rest, dude. Seriously, just give it a rest. After Kourtney Kardashian released a paternity test revealing that Lord Scott Disick was, in fact, the biological father of her oldest child, the model who claims he's Mason's dad won't leave it alone. Why in the world anyone would try to be be related to the Kardashian krew is so far beyond me!

Michael Girgenti claims that he bedded the oldest Kardashian sister after meeting at a photo shoot right around the time she would have gotten pregnant with the now four-year-old Mason. Despite the fact that there's a little thing called a paternity test in the mix, Michael also failed a lie detector test back in August. The polygraph noted deceptive behavior when Michael answered affirmatively that he and Kourtney had sex. 

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