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I know y’all are sad you won’t be seeing Kody Brown’s gorgeous locks, fancy side ponytail, and denim tuxedo for a while, but alas, last night was the season finale of Sister Wives. The family is back in Las Vegas, which means no more road trip hijinks or Kody shiz shows when “someone” forgets to tightly screw in the tube on the camper’s sewage valve. Ahh, memories. Instead, the season’s final episode treated us to yet another family party. These folks have to commemorate every event with a veggie tray and mission statement, that’s for sure. 

The family is prepping for a slide show that chronicles the family since Kody’s wedding to Meri up through his (not recognized by law) union with Robyn. Good times! The crafy Browns are also putting together a scrapbook of their journey through the years. Robyn is thrilled because it’s the first album in which she’ll make an appearance. Self-absorbed much? Kody is strutting a blue tooth (what is this 2009?) and that horrible ponytail that makes him look like a cartoon samurai while dodging inquiries from Christine and daughter Aspyn about Robyn’s growing belly. He fumbles over a “no, she’s not pregnant, what are you talking about?” statement while grinning ear to ear. Don’t ever play poker, Kody. Really. Don’t. 

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We’re treated to a photo montage of Kody and Meri who knew each other for six months before tying the knot. Clearly, they were kindred spirits because they dressed alike throughout their courtship. Nothing says true love like a pair of camel suede bomber jackets. Janelle is actually prevalent in many of Meri and Kody’s wedding pictures…because (and correct me if I’m wrong) Janelle was involved with Meri’s brother. The couple had a series of non-romantic lunch dates. Both Janelle and Kody admit that they barely knew each other when they got married.

Meri admits she was much happier when Christine entered the picture because the two would have so much fun when Janelle was out with their husband. I can practically see Janelle rolling her eyes on the sofa at this bond. Run, Janelle. You are so much better than this! Christine explains that she had a crush on the idea of Kody long before she met him in person. She was happy to meet him in person to see that Kody’s reality matched her fantasy (she must not have fantasized much, huh?), and Kody claims she was a shameless flirt. Christine reveals she’d always wanted to be the third wife, so she was happy to learn that Janelle had come before her. 

The golden child Logan is revered, as he should be. He was the first child born into the Brown clan. He was like a surrogate dad to his younger siblings, waking up early to cook breakfast for his siblings and being an all around role model. Her mother Janelle worries that he missed out on a lot of his teen years. Aspyn is the next child, and Christine brags that she was the best nanny to her younger siblings. Meri shares her story of infertility as she watches her predecessor wives conceive before her. However, Mariah comes next, the only child with a gaggle of siblings. Janelle gives birth to Madison next. In fact, we learn that Christine, Meri, and Janelle were all pregnant with Aspyn, Mariah, and Madison at the same time. I have to commend the Brown children. They are so bright and level-headed. I’d give their parents credit, but I think they thrived in spite of, not because of, their crazy family life. 

Christine’s wild child Mykelti comes next. The family agrees that she’s transformed the most since coming to Vegas…or perhaps it’s a tie with Janelle’s next son Hunter. Remember how much that kid DID NOT want to move from Utah? Middle child Garrison is excelling in ROTC in an effort to differentiate himself from his older brothers. Is it just me, or are all of Janelle’s kids on a great path? Garrison has said maybe five sentences this season, and they are all on this finale. The kid is one sharp cookie. Christine’s son Paedon had a difficult time with the move as well, but he’s adjusting well, and he admits he’d like to go back and assure his younger self that he’ll be fine in Las Vegas.  

Children whose names I’ve never bothered to learn are highlighted. Christine’s daughter Gwendolyn and Janelle’s son Gabriel were born four days apart. I won’t make a comment about the women being on the same schedules. Oops! I guess I just did. Christine’s next daughter Ysabel suffers from from migraines which bring Christine to tears. Savanah comes next as Janelle’s final child…thus far. 

Kody dishes on meeting Robyn. She was like a soccer mom to him because she was divorced and had a mini-van. Robyn was automatically drawn to Kody’s locks, but Kody was wary of a divorcee with her own kids. However, after much prodding from Meri, the pair starting courting. Kody quickly overcame his “prejudice” to divorced kids. How kind of kids. Meri admits that she matured a lot after her poor treatment of Janelle and Christine, and she was able to welcome Robyn with open arms. Christine…not so much. Robyn credits the large family for helping her son Dayton deal with Asperger’s syndrome. His sister Aurora welcomed the new family with open arms. She loves having all the new playmates. Breanna is Robyn’s youngest daughter from her first marriage, and she is adorable. She’s Meri’s unspoken favorite among Robyn’s kids. 

Truely’s battle with kidney failure is highlighted. Christine still can’t discuss the incident without being overcome with emotion. Baby Solomon is touted next. He’s Robyn’s pride and joy and her first biological child with Kody…until NOW—maybe? Y’all have been speculating about her big ol’ bags and even blousier blouses all season, and Kody announces to his brethren that Robyn has a big surprise. She dodges his cue, claiming that she hears her phone ringing. As the credits roll, Robyn teases, “Sometimes you just have to take the call.” 

They’ve got to save something for next season, right?

TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FINALE OF SISTER WIVES? IS ROBYN PREGNANT? 

[Photo Credit: TLC]

 

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