mob wives reunion

Holy cleavage! The first installment of last night’s Mob Wives reunion was a giant boob parade. Vivica Fox hosts, and I’m hoping she has a better handle on these broads than she did on Krayonce. Drita D’avanzo is the only one who doesn’t look like she’s hosting Kim Kardashian’s ass on her chest. Natalie Guercio is wearing what can only be described as a chain metal gladiator suit complete with suspenders to cover her nips. She claims it’s her warrior look, but she’s not going to be fighting anyone when she has to constantly fiddle with her hands to keep her girls from warranting their own black bar. Renee Graziano is sporting a boot-cast on her foot, and she jokes that Drita finally came after her. Oh, if only the whole reunion could be this cheery!

Karen Gravano’s return is addressed, and Renee admits that it was nice to have some support after feuding with her other friends. Natalie cites her loyalty to last season’s Alicia as the reason for her social media beef. Karen finds it ridiculous that Alicia is so upset that her father killed the father-in-law she never met. Yeah, that’s fair, right? Karen knows that these mob wannabes are just trying to ride her big Mafia coattails. Renee reminds us that you can be loyal to one friend without trashing another, but the wannabes will never be “about this life,” a phrase which may need its own t-shirt line (if one of the ladies hasn’t already beat me to it). Again, remind why these family ties are worthy of such pride? Renee can’t even. Literally.

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We next get treated to Big Ang’s meltdown over Renee allegedly calling her a clown and the ensuing brawl over that coke-laced dollar bill comment. Vivica laughs at this new aggressive Ang, and she applauds Drita and Karen for being able to step in so quickly to break up a potential smack down. A demure talking (give it up, girl!) Natalie thanks Ang for sticking up for her, and Ang realizes that she’d forgotten that’s why she was so heated in the first place. Renee once again wonders why Natalie is trying to insert herself into something that had nothing to do with her. Vivica wonders how talking about Natalie’s coke habit (maybe she just likes the way is smells like T-Rav?) doesn’t make it about her. Natalie maintains that she never talked about Renee’s drug habit to other people. Twitter doesn’t count apparently. Renee screams that the tipping point was when AJ was witnessing her attacks on social media. Vivica has quickly lost control of this reunion and we’re not even ten minutes deep.

Storm and London join their girlfriends on set, and Storm is dressed as if he’s late for gym class. Vivica commends London for wearing pink. Karen and Storm’s stormy (haha!) relationship is highlighted. Sure, no one doubts that the side-piece exists, but it’s so disrespectful to bring her into the home. Karen admits that she now believes Storm’s story that the girl in question was his friend’s chick. Vivica lets Storm tell his side, and he says that’s his story and he’s sticking to it. That’s seriously what the man said! Storm turns the tables on Karen, saying if she’d kept her cool she would’ve realized her mistake at the time it happened. Vivica polls Karen’s co-stars, and Renee praises Storm for apologizing. We don’t want to know what Drita would do if that ever happened to her. Vivica boasts that she understands as she’d never share a man, even without firsthand knowledge she’s doing so. She needs to be more host and less bestie.

Remember when London befriended all of Natalie’s enemies just to keep the peace? If not, Vivica provides footage of the volatile pair. They’re in a good place now. London believes that Natalie is just passionate about everything in life whether positive or negative. He then goes rehashes his face getting slashed with a box cutter one night while partying in a club. He reveals that there were no words or even beef exchanged, the guy just came up and cut him. It was a coward move. Vivica asks about Natalie posting pictures of the alleged attacker on social media (and you can just tell she’s trying to stir the pot!), and Natalie thinks it was a great platform to aid detectives in their investigation. Storm bursts into a giggles like a four-year-old Such a rat. Drita announces that this was such a rat move, and Karen explains that people use social media to get attention, not justice. Renee just wishes that Natalie would own her rat behavior.

Natalie interrupts to announce that her brother is a respected detective is Philly, and I am sure he just loves that shout-out! London defines a rat as someone who does something illegal and then turns in his cohorts to get leniency. Storm declares London’s definition to be merely an opinion. He states facts. A rat is someone who does the police’s job for them, whether it’s calling a tip line or giving the authorities the whereabouts of a criminal. Hmmm…I think we need those kind of “rats” in the world. Natalie and Karen are screeching at decibels only dogs and certain whales can hear while London calmly tries to get an irate (and ridiculous) Storm to respectfully agree to disagree. Vivica dances a gig in the crossfire, but she’s officially out of her league. 

Drita suggests that Natalie take the word “rat” out of her vocabulary seconds before Natalie accuses Renee of being a rat. Vivica tries to tune out everyone and speak softly to London, inquiring about the status of the case. London whispers back that the guy who cut him is in jail and isn’t up for bail, as should be the case for someone who sliced someone’s face for no reason. Bless Big Ang. She’s pulled out a fan and is cooling herself as if she’s got the vapors. London is far too normal to be on this show…or dating Natalie for that matter!

The next topic tackled is the first real sidewalk altercation between Karen and Natalie after Storm approached London in a nightclub and rumors of an order of protection ensued. London once again tries to reign in a belligerent Natalie while politely asking Storm to watch his language when addressing a lady. Perhaps if there was a lady on stage…The women’s disdain for Natalie’s constant need to talk trash about her co-star’s families is addressed. Drita doesn’t understand why anyone would think it’s okay to speak ill of one’s relatives. Natalie and Renee then tally how many times they have or haven’t badmouthed family while Vivica compliments Karen for showing restraint when Natalie was saying such hateful things about her dad.

After the men exit stage left, Vivica decides to lighten the mood with a montage of all the colorful ways in which the women threaten to beat the crap out of one another. Stassi Schroeder must take her cues from the Mob Wives! There is a brief moment of levity before Vivica reminds the women that they have ties to the mob, but none are badder boss betches than than a certain Victoria Gotti! Her mob highness made a few cameos to reiterate the code of rules in this lifestyle as Ang and Renee worked toward mending the rift in their friendship. Renee asserts that she was initially upset to have Victoria in her business, but she was appreciative of the outcome. Although the Gravanos and the Gottis are supposed enemies, Karen doesn’t dare speak ill of Victoria, even when it’s hinted that Victoria wouldn’t extend the same courtesy. Karen hopes that one day she and Victoria can meet to hash out any differences. 

Vivica promotes a phone app that allows viewers to pick sides between the feuding ladies…in real time, y’all! Talk about technology. Vivica doesn’t even segue into Natalie and Karen’s hair pulling tirade by the sea. She must be too exhausted. I am. Natalie chalks it up to jealousy with ol’ “it is what it is mantra,” while Renee fumes that no one is envious of Natalie in the least. When Vivica wants to hear Karen’s side, Renee butts in and feels Karen’s wrath for a hot minute. She can defend herself. Karen doesn’t deny that Natalie is a gorgeous girl, but her mouth makes her incredibly ugly. Oh, sweet! We get to watch the ladies screaming via a split screen! Natalie responds to something Karen yelled by saying she’s not a home-girl, and Vivica immediately bristles. Karen starts chanting that Natalie is a racist, which, to be honest, isn’t shocking. Drita has never sat so still for this long a period in her life, I’d bet. Karen hops off the sofa and Vivica shuffles over in an attempt to stop her, although she can barely walk in her super tight dress and sky high heels. She’s going to get trampled for sure. Renee coaxes Karen back to their couch as Karen reminds Natalie that her daughter is black. Vivica can’t handle the insanity and decides now is the best time to test the Shazam beef-o-meter. People are siding with Natalie by a landslide. I would think it would have been dead even as they are both horrible. Vivica wonders if Natalie’s mouth is too much trouble, but Natalie maintains that she’s only defending herself. Even Drita and Ang think she needs to pipe down. As Renee tries to defend Karen again, she’s cussed out by her friend. It seems that no one is safe from Karen’s tirade! 

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S INSTALLMENT OF THE REUNION? DID YOU DOWNLOAD THE BEEF-O-METER? 

[Photo Credit: VH1]

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