Below Deck

Last night on Below Deck Mediterranean, Hannah Ferrier finally got called out for being all talk no work, but that doesn’t mean she developed ethics. No, ma’am!

I don’t know why Hannah is so uptight about being called materialist. I mean, basically, all she talks about, except when she’s complaining about how overworked, tired, and exhausted she is, are her possessions. You’d think a woman who prefaces the description of every item she owns with a whiny “It’s EXXXPENSIVEEEE (to be me)” would happily revel in being described as materialistic, the way a Kardashian does. This is akin to calling them saint-like and altruistic. They have punted right over the top of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to plonk a gold star on top.

Oh to have Hannah Ferrier‘s life on Below Deck Mediterranean: lounging around worrying over boy drama, smoking, folding some napkins before hopping on boats to party with guests, and then the audacity of being called a gold digger because she expects her men to have big, bulging … savings accounts. Oh Hannah, put down the cancer sticks and get a reality check!

Hannah and Conrad Empson are fighting over money. Specifically: this little Euro spent on Hannah’s wine, that little Euro spent on expensive wine and dinner Hannah chose, and several piggy little Euros went to more of Hannah’s expensive boozy tastes; so one huffy cougar is blowing Conrad’s meager savings right away!

The ship pretty much hit the fan on last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean. I think y’all would agree that A YACHT happened. So sorry. The show started where last week’s episode ended. The chief stewardess and the bosun were in hot water with the captain.

Following Hannah Ferrier’s banishment to her cabin, Captain Sandy Yawn shrieks for Conrad Empson so she can lay into him about indirectly overworking Brooke Laughton. Sandy gave Hannah explicit instructions to return to the yacht after one quick Diet Coke. Given they were gone three hours, that must have been a massive Polar Pop of the D.C. (with that amazing pellet ice, obviously).