Don't worry. The whole scenario was allegedly caught on film by Bravo's ever-present cameras, so you'll get to see the awkwardness and requisite emasculation in the comfort of your own living room. Before I catch any slack, I don't think that a woman proposing is emasculating…it's just so cringe-worthy to see how Gretchen usually treats Slade. Now that we've cleared up that potential miscommunication, let's get on to the good stuff!
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County we met new girl Lydia McLaughlin. Lydia's kinda like Rainbow Bright on acid, isn't she? She also sort of looks like a Bratz doll. She was bringing all my 1990's childhood cartoon flashbacks to life with her little squeakerton voice and her goofball expressions. Whatever – I fully expect her to go SheRah Princess of Power on these bitches before the season's over. Watch it blondies!
Things begin, oh where did they begin? With all the bad dye jobs and bad plastic surgery blurring together sometimes I lose track of where things even started. And speaking of plastic surgery things began with Vicki Gunvalson and Alexis Bellino. She and Vicki are BFF now since everyone hates their significant others and what better way is there to bond, I s'pose? I mean it worked for Alexis and Gretchen Rossi for two seasons, so Vicki picked up where Gretchen participated in a gang intervention. And girls who share plastic surgeons together, stay together!
"I think it is cool that Vicki [Gunvalson] went to say hello to Tamara [Barney] first, even though she sees and feels 'all this Ick' between them. I think that shows that she is, or is trying to be, the bigger person and move forward," Lydiapraises.
"I am happy that Tamra and Vicki eventually talk and move on. . .although, I’m still trying to figure out what Gretchen has to do with their friendship. What is this second grade and you can only have one best bud? Gretchen seems to be scared that there is only room for one friend in Tamara's life,and she wants it to be her." Yes, Lydia. That's exactly what it's like!
Bravo's original housewives franchise is back in full force, and the women of the O.C. are going to bring the drama without question. After saying she wouldn't be returning for this season,Alexis Bellino is back with a vengeance to confront her "bullies." I was convinced that she'd actually been fired, and was just saying she'd quit to save face. Even her husband Jim "the Chin" Bellino was vocal about how much he didn't want his wife onReal Housewives of Orange County.
Now that she's back, Alexis claims she didn't want her kids to think she succumbed to bullies. While I don't agree with how the ladies ganged up on Alexis last season, she needs to quit it with the bully talk. She's a woman who gets paid to be on a show that perpetuates drama. It irks me that Alexis keeps saying she was the victim of bullying because I think it takes away from people who are actually bullied. Let's be honest, Alexis loves being on television, plain and simple.
In her Bravo blog for the second episode Gretchen explains why she thinks Vicki is being fake and playing the Vick-tim card, and also lying about her relationship with Brooks Ayers to save face!
Gretchen shares that she's happy Vicki and Tamra are working on their friendship but what Tamra was saying to Vicki and about Vicki are two different things! acknowledges.
"Hearing them talk in the wine cellar was actually a surprise to me since Tamra had voiced such a different tune to me for the last nine months about Vicki," Gretchen remarks. "However I was glad to see they could talk and try to work through their issues."
Tamra and Vicki reveal they made up during her bachelorette party weekend in Mexico. "We put the tequila shot in my bra, and then you sucked it," Vicki over-discloses. "I don’t know if she’s going to turn on me, or if I’m going to turn on her. But I swear to God, if she turns on me, I told her I’m going to rip her hair out a piece at a time."
Tamra promises she won't! A likely story… "We were always good; I just didn’t like Brooks [Ayers]," she shares. Adding that she definitely talks ish about Vicki "the first half of the season!"
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County bad behavior along with Vicki Gunvalson's swollen face and insane hair continued to haunt us. She got allll that work done on her face and she couldn't throw in a keratin treatment to deep condition that straw weave she had attached to her head? Dyed-N-Fried.
With all the renovations and double-dealing and lies and dastardly deeds and attention seeking manipulation plots she was accused of, Vicki didn't have time to get her nose done AND her hair. To think all this time I thought she was just a neurotic insurance salesperson. No rest for the wicked, eh?
We resume at Heather Dubrow's glambake. Heather instructs Tamra Barney on how to eat a lobster. Of course since Tamra is saltier than lobster brine she has to make a sex joke out of Heather's instructions when she says to bite on the lobster leg until it "comes in your mouth." Tamra brays across the table like a donkey with a bullhorn about how FANCY PANTS MADE A SEX JOKE. Why doesn't she just wear a sign that says: 'I'm desperate for attention and have no manners!'
Discreetly Heather crosses Tamra's name off the future invites list. Vicki may look like a mutant person with the face of Bride of Frankenstein but at least she talks quietly and uses inside voices at Heather's!