Vanderpump Rules

Tom Sandoval & Ariana Madix on WWHL

Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix are playing Superlatives with their Vanderpump Rules co-stars and deciding who’s Most Likely to do alllll the bad stuff.

Tom 1 and Ariana share their opinions about the worst drunken cheating lying buffoon, a bad friend, or likely will be guilty of physical assault.  (The answer to pretty much all the questions: Jax Taylor or Scheana Marie!). Jax and Scheana simply can’t behave!

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Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

Katie Maloney is newly engaged, gainfully employed, and in a good place with her friends these days. All things ex-BFF and Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder is decidedly not! While THE RETURN OF STASSI! seems to be the Japanese horror film headline everywhere one turns on VPR these past weeks, Katie says she’s trying to focus on the more positive aspects of her life. She does admit that seeing her old friend squirm under the expert interrogation/verbal spanking Lisa Vanderpump doled out was a bit uncomfortable to watch this week. But she agreed with Lisa’s astute points, just the same!

Before Katie breaks down the Stassi Situation, she reflects on the “perfect” time she and the gang spent in Hawaii – that is, until Jax Taylor decided to play petty sunglasses thief. When she found out about Jax’s arrest, Katie admits, ” I had no words and still have a difficult time articulating how frustrating and disappointing that day was. We had all separated for mere hours and for something this catastrophic to have happened is purely mind numbing.”

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Stassi is sad

Last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules confirmed what I have been saying for years (seasons in Reality TV time): Kristen Doute and Jax Taylor are soulmates. I fully anticipate that in a few years time they’ll drunkenly run off to Vegas for a midnight elopement, then have a combative, insane, marriage befitting of a Hunter S. Thompson tale. All’s Fair In Love And Liquor: A True Tale Of Krax. So thank you, Tom 2, for validating that. 

But no thank you, Tom 2, for the reference to your flaccid penis. Katie Maloney, please get off Scheana Marie‘s drama train and onto your man. If the way Tom 2 was making out with that Hooters chicken wing is any indication, that was a man deprived and we know how Katie feels about make-out cheating! 

The Kristen Doute Apology Tour continues on, gathering steam by adding Stassi Schroeder, and growing into a cloud of vicissitude by adding Jax

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Lisa Vanderpump's Closet

Jax Taylor is no stranger to bizarre drama, but getting arrested for stealing designer sunglasses during the Vanderpump Rules cast’s trip to Hawaii has pushed Lisa Vandeprump over the edge!

Lisa is strangely tolerant towards Jax’s nonsense – I can only imagine she has Xanax stashed in her BumpIt! – but even Lisa can’t believe that he was this stupid.

Jax just had the vacation of his life, why does he have to go and screw it up in the last hour?” says a shocked Lisa. “He’s always pushing boundaries, and now it has kind of bitten him in the ass.” 

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Jax Taylor is arrested in Hawaii

Stassi Schroeder has returned and Jax Taylor got arrested. All in a days work for Vanderpump Rules, right? 

In Hawaii the group continues having a conniption fit over Lala Kent‘s existence. After Lala confronted Brittany Cartwright about Jax’s lying, and then confronted Jax about his lying, to which Jax lied about lying, Lala retreated to her hotel to cry into the complimentary towels. Reality TV is so hard! She just needs her mommy! But, as Lala pointed out, Faith also took off her top, but no one was yelling at her! Katie Maloney, a hypocrite? Nooooooo… 

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Stassi Schroeder

Vanderpump Rules villain Stassi Schroeder and Nashville’s Chris Carmack were Andy Cohen‘s guests on Watch What Happens Live last night. Stassi dished on her friendship with Kristen Doute, the status of her relationship with Patrick, and more. Jax Taylor released a statement about his arrest in Hawaii.

Stassi says that she and Kristen have been friends again for a while now. “It was a slow process. I didn’t speak to her for a year, then every month after that I felt like it was giving another inch and then eventually it just got back to the way it used to be,” explains Stassi. “I’m really happy about that. I love Kristen.”

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James Kennedy with new girlfriend Raquel

While the rest of the Vanderpump Rules cast is in Sundance celebrating Katie Maloney‘s 30th birthday (and instagramming the hell out of it), James Kennedy turned 24 with a new lady by his side! 

Recently James was showmancing dating Lala Kent, who never actually confirmed whether or not they are a couple (Kristen Doute claims they were using each other for the show), but have they officially split? 

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2nd Annual Save A Child's Heart Gala

Remember when Stassi Schroeder told the world, “I am the Devil. And don’t you forget it”…? Well, on this week’s Vanderpump Rules, she’s baaaaaaaaaack! The Return of Stassi is poised to shake up frenemy circles at SUR this Monday, but viewers are uncertain about what Stassi’s presence will really mean for cast dynamics. Will Stassi’s head spin around? Will she Jedi-mind-control Jax Taylor into tattooing her name on his forehead? Will she levitate new girl Lala Kent above the sticky tables of SUR, slamming her into the ice machine, Kylo Ren style? (A girl can dream!!!) 

Sadly, previews suggest what Stassi really does on the upcoming VPR is a whole lot of whimpering and grovelling, perhaps in an attempt to ingratiate herself to the friends and former boss who she’d formerly cut out of her life. But not everyone is buying what Stassi is selling. Except for Kristen Doute, who claims, “I was really excited,” adding, “I think I was the only one.”

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