Scheana Marie Famewhore reached new lows in her deplorable groveling famewhoredom by basically sucking up to Stassi and doing her attacking for her. I mean, Scheana – get some self-esteem. Stassi called you a homewrecking, untalented, hooker whore on national TV and tried to get you fired at work. This bitch is not your friend. You are so Fetch from Mean Girls and no matter what you do, you're never going to be a 'thing.' So with that out of the way, let's examine the other shameless ones.
Yes, Stassi and Jax; a tale of amoral and delusional love. I mean they really are sort Natural Born Killers aren't they. Instead of using literal guns they just emotionally decimate everyone in their disgusting quest to one-up each other and seem important. Lisa Vanderpump dutifully called Jax out on using and abusing Laura-Leigh as a pawn; calling into question his ability to deceive on demand and take advantage of someone in an emotionally vulnerable state. She also expressed disgust about his sexual proclivities for unprotected sex. With anyone. "Clearly, it's not working for you," she admonished derisively.
Jax vented his frustrations on twitter, letting fans know the truth. Which I would take very lightly considering he also admitted to his therapist that he lies all the time to make people like him. I mean, he even lied TO his therapist! HA!
Growing up is sooooo hard to do. Especially when you're a 32-year-old male model perfecting the dilettante lifestyle. Such is the case of Jax Taylor, who everyday listens to Rod Stewart's anthem "Forever Young" on his iPod while slicing lime twists for the perfect cocktail. But alas fair Jax – everyone has a moment when they wake up Maggie Mae.
Worst of all is that Jax let his people down. His followers, ready to decamp in the jungle without their eyeliner for him, were crestfallen.
In the tangled web of Vanderpump Rules, Jax is trying to rekindle his relationship with Stassi Schroeder and to do that he's taking their dog shopping. Stassi wants all remnants of that flea Laura-Leigh exterminated. Over talk of new leashes, Stassi then turns her laser devil eyes on Jax and he is forced to beg and plead with her not to exterminate him as well.
Stassi and Jax, the endless tale of emotional f**kwittism. Is buying a new dog accessory some sort of break-up rite of passage now?
Vanderpump Rules' resident villainess (who's watched Mean Girls waay, waay too many times in an attempt to craft her perfect "character"), Stassi Schroeder is talking reality TV, why it seems to be her only career goal, and what it's like to be so maligned by the public. I mean she's just being herself! Don't hate her cause she's beautiful.
Given her long past in reality TV (Stassi has appeared on the now defunctQueen Bees and the Amazing Race), she explains she was prepared to 'be herself' on camera! Oh that is not something I would admit, m'dear! "I know that like, you just have to be yourself. You can't hide anything. If there's something you don't want to come out, it's going to come out. I made the decision to be myself and people don't like it, it's not my problem," she tells Reality Wanted.
Stassi also touches on her relationship to Jax Taylor, and his abrupt about-face in psycho switching when he started dating Laura-Leigh (which Stassi claims he only did to annoy her).
Oh good lord with this show. I really think the cast of Vanderpump Rules should just bottle their tears and sell them as a cocktail at SUR. I mean someone is always crying! In every scene: sob, sob, sob, sob… If Diamond Water can become a thing, Teary Vodka can.
So last night Jax Taylor proved that he is just as self-absorbed as Stassi Schroeder (what did we expect from a male model!) when he dumped rebound girlfriend Laura-Leigh of the Minnie Mouse helium voice and meth addiction after her AA meeting. Yep, that happened – although he told her they could keep having sex.
And in the same episode Stassi showed why she has no friends and is always getting shizzed upon by boyfriends; because she treats people like CRAP! And we all know you treat people how you expect to be treated. Stassi, Princess of Low Self-Esteem. She wears transparent well, doesn't she?
Somebody needs to revoke Jax Taylor's Food Handler's card because our pretty male model made a serious faux pas on last night's Vanderpump Rules with ladylove of the minute Laura Leigh!
Everyone's favorite little reincarnated Minnie Mouse whose voice floats and squeaks with aplomb christened SUR with Jax in a little late-night bathroom hooking up. ON THE FLOOR. Of the VIP bathroom. According to the security guard, he walked in and saw Jax and Laura Leigh trousers down, getting busy. He promptly phoned Ken, who promptly called a PR meeting where he informed the flabbergasted Lisa Vanderpump about extracurricular activities in the workplace. Oh dear – what. a. mess. Literally and figuratively.
I have two things to say about this: 1) Does LL seriously want to be thought of as the gross desperate girl who gets busy on a public restroom floor? Even Britney Spears isn't that dirty.
2) Did Lisa seriously let that get featured on television? Image problem is right! And apparently this is a bit of a trend with LL because the next night she and Jax are out to dinner and they slip into the employee bathroom to reenact their magical moment. Where are the police with public indecency citations when we need them?
Last night on Vanderpump Rules we were treated to Stassi Schroeder's deployment of a new identity and further examples of her meteoritic dissension into crazy fameho of monstrous (monster being the operative word!) proportions.
Apparently no one at Sur ever leaves Sur. It's a vortex of incest or something and I am deeply concerned for the safety of their public restrooms. I would advise our poor Lisa Vanderpump to make STD tests mandatory among the staff. It is a matter of public health. Call the CDC, peeps! And get these souls on match.com – they need to date in the outside world!
So Stassi has left Jax Taylor for Frank. And Jax has a sit-down at the Barbie mansion-come-to-life known as Lisa's house to piteously cry about his egregious behavior in Vegas. For shame, these waxed and buffed specimens parading as menz took their shirts off and pretended to fight. That fighting was reminiscent of a New Kids On The Block video! And Jax still loooorves dear Stassi Staph Infection, but knows he must release her into the wilds.
There has been much speculation as to whether or not Vanderpump Rules will be Bravo's next break-out show. And like it or love it (or despise it), the ratings are in and they have been consistently strong. In fact the fourth episode, which aired this past Monday, had viewership to rival Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
1.67 Million viewers tuned into see Jax Taylor, the little sweater that could, and his spittle take down the queen, Stassi Schroeder at her Las Vegas birthday party. Compare that to RHOBH which earned 2.04 M viewers. Granted that's on the low end for RHOBH and viewership is traditionally higher, but for a break-out cable show VPR is doing preeeetty well!
Eager to capitalize on their new little starletts, Bravo has them working overtime. The cast taped a segment for The View yesterday (airing Friday) with HBICLisa Vanderpump to oversee their antics. Then they hit-up WWHL where they kept things anything but low-key! Some photos of their appearance on WWHL are below. Andy Cohen could not stop drooling, I might add!