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Vanderpump Rules

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The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and Real Housewives of Atlanta wins again. 4.187 million viewers (compared to last week's record breaking 4.519) tuned in this week. For Love & Hip Hop, 3.112 million watched Joe propose to Tahiry, which is up from last week's 2.889.

The other reality shows are holding steady.  Sister Wives garnered 2 million viewers on Sunday. On Monday, 1.804 million viewers witnessed Brandi and Carlton's drunken pole dancing on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and 1.446 million watched Kristen get ridiculously drunk on Vanderpump Rules.

On Tuesday, 1.20 million viewers went to the Del Mar races with the Shahs of Sunset crowd, and 2.004 million fans tuned in to see the Dance Moms stress over Abby's first open audition.

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The Vanderpump Rules crew is still in Cabo celebrating our day of national reckoning; a day where dysfunction is recognized as a peril in great need of attention.

This day is also known as Stassi Schroeder's birthday. While in her mind this day is as important as the day of Jesus' birth, for the rest of humanity it is a day that we remain buried under our covers and asking where it all went so wrong. I blame her mother – it's always the mother's fault, right?!

Anyway things in Cabo are going bad, bad, bad because right in the middle of Stassi's birthday dinner, before anyone remember to order Stassi an appetizer or a drink, Katie Maloney and Tom 2 erupt into an argument about who's more of a moron. Can we call a draw?

Katie flees the table in what can only be described as a pair of pantyhose recycled into a dress. It was a flesh-colored poncho, it was frightful. Maybe it was flesh eating and that explains her sheer stupidity as her brain was a casualty of it's voraciousness. Also it matched her hair. 

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The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and Real Housewives of Atlanta has blown us away!  A whopping  4.519 MILLION  viewers watched "A Trip Down Memory Lane" this week, which is a season high, a series high, and a franchise high. Bravo logged its most-watched night in network history. Everybody twirl!

Elsewhere on Sunday, 2.042 million sat through Kody and Brett's bromance on Sister Wives. Um, why? Is it the hair? The wives? Please enlighten me. ;)  

On Monday, Love & Hip Hop bounced back from last week's season low, with 2.889 million fans checking up on their favorite love triangles on VH1. Over on Bravo, both Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules lost viewers, with 1.826 million tuning in for even more Joyce and Brandi drama and 1.497 million suffering through Stassi's birthday.

On Tuesday,  1.189 million devoted Shahs of Sunset fans watched Mike and Reza's confrontation, and 2.171 million took a Tylenol after sitting through Abby Lee Miller's incessant yelling on Dance Moms

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After being mercilessly teased about her Carrot Top do, Katie Maloney has returned to her roots and gone brunette again. 

I'm not sure what on earth made the Vanderpump Rules star decide to orange it up, but it was sincerely one of the most unflattering and ridiculous dye jobs I've ever seen! Katie is a pretty girl and why she thought that was a good idea is beyond me. My theory she was trying to emulate BFF Stassi Schroeder or try to earn some distinction between herself and other totally insane brunette Kristen Doute!

Whatever the case, Katie shared photos of her new hair on instagram and she looks much better! In other news she is still together with Tom 2 after he tried to put her out like a fire. We need an intervention – for him. 

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Vanderpump Rules - Season 2

Yesterday we celebrated a day of extreme national significance. A day that brings attention to the very important cause of narcissism and immaturity. It was Stassi Schroeder's birthday and if I had a dollar for every time I heard that on Vanderpump Rules last night… 

Stassi has invited everyone she hates and semi-likes to celebrate her birthday. She invited Scheana Marie in the six seconds they liked each other, but now she regrets it. She did not invite Jax Taylor, so he invited himself. Hey – I'd invite myself on a Vacation by Bravo, too! 

Every 15 seconds Stassi gets out her bullhorn and police baton to announce its her birthday and demand people have fun her way or else she'll beat them. This continues throughout the entire episode… 

Before leaving, Lisa Vanderpump takes Peter Madrigal out for tea. Peter admits he's going on the trip for the free booze and for the opportunity to laugh at these people. And there will be girls in bikinis too. Lisa seems hesitant to let him go – her only decent employee! 

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It's time to round up the reality TV viewer numbers for the past two weeks! 

Ratings wise, Real Housewives of Atlanta was Sunday's top cable telecast, with 3.827 million fans tuning in for the Savannah trip. That's a new season high. 3.677 million watched last week's Chuck drama. Also on Sunday, Sister Wives returned this week, and 2.410 million couldn't resist Kody's charms

Love & Hip Hop returned after a two week break to a much smaller audience. Only 2.386 caught Erica Mena and Rich Dollaz discussing their relationship – that's down over 500,000 since early December and nearly a million since early November. Will it bounce back in January?

Both Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules slipped Christmas week, but they bounced back this week. Just over 2 million watched Brandi and Joyce's showdown on RHOBH. Their catty girl drama continued on Vanderpump Rules, resulting in a new season high (1.5) for the SUR crowd.

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“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” season 4 and “Vanderpump Rules” season 2 Cross-over premiere

Delusion: party of one. Make that 2! Scheana Marie is possibly engaged and that calls for celebration – and the release of a new song, "Good as Gold." Is she talking about friendships or engagement rings?

The Vanderpump Rules star describes her future fiance as "no drama" and says that's what makes him bad for reality TV. "We just work," she gushes to OK Magazine. She beams when she starts talking about Shay, which is cute. Maybe there is something sincere about Scheana after all! 

Shay's other perk: "He's faithful." 

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Last night Vanderpump Rules crossed over with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and met their match with drunken shenanigans – almost. 

I have to say Jax Taylor was on fire last night with his one-liners. Is the dumb male model thing an act? Nah… I think Lisa Vanderpump was feeding him lines. 

Lisa tasks a select bunch of SURvians with hosting a very special elite dinner party filled with important guests. I don't know why she was acting like the over-botoxed trashboxes of RHOBH are anyone special, but I guess she gets paid to act accordingly. 

The specialtons are Stassi Schroeder, Jax, Tom 1, Ariana, and Katie Maloney. Peter Madrigal gets to play the role of hot overlord. OK – so he's the manager, aka adult babysitter. 

Working with your friends is fun – except when your friends don't act like friends! Tom is all pissy-panties that Jax has been spreading rumors that he hooked up with Ariana in Vegas three years ago. Tom complains that Jax gossips and lies about his friends but then apologies. Basically Jax is male version of Stassi then?

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