Reality Tea

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It's time to breakdown who's watching what on Sunday and Monday nights.

On Sunday, Keeping Up with the Kardashians took the night off. Are you all OK? If you and your TV survived the heartbreak, you may have tuned in to the Real Housewives of New Jersey special or the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy reunion.  Part two of the RHONJ Tell All brought 1.509 million viewers to Bravo and 865,000 fans checked out Queer Eye: 10 Years Later.

On Monday, the season 5 finale of Basketball Wives attracted 2.233 million viewers, bringing its season average to 1.96 million. Also, 833,000 loyal fans (steady) tuned in to the Lea Black show, err, the Real Housewives of Miami and 1.106 million viewers (down over 150,000 from last week) watched Katie and Joey break up on Teen Mom 3 this week.

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I know you all are going to be soooo surprised by what you're about to read, but Kim Kardashian's engagement to Kanye West was filmed for reality TV! I knew pimpmoma Kris Jenner wasn't going to let the ultimate publicity stunt, ratings ploy go to waste – especially with interest waning in America's First Family of Reality Television Atrocities! 

In the wake of several unfortunate Kardashian events, including allegations that Kanye would never propose to Kim and that their relationship was fake (I believe it – at least from his perspective!) Kanye planned a big honking proposal – with Keeping Up With The Kardashian kameras in tow! 

A member of the orchestra dishes that she was paid four-times her normal rate and required to sign a non-disclosure agreement before performing at the Kimye Proposal Show. The musicians knew 2 days in advance what Kanye was secretly planning and snagged $1k each for the gig. 

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Last night on I Dream Of NeNe, "bridemaid" drama continued between Marlo Hampton and Diana Gowins, except Diana got the memo loud and clear that she better shape up and get on Team Worship NeNe Leakes! The ladies also traveled to Cancun for NeNe's bachelorette party. Of course no one behaved accordingly. 

Things started out fine. In the van from the airport everyone was joking around pretending to smoke twizzlers and then deep throat them. Marlo excelled in that arena. Once they arrived they discovered a soccer team was sharing their resort which was fine for some of the ladies, namely Dawn

The jollies continued as the ladies participated in the nipslip olympics. First was some sort of pseudo surf waves which caused Jennifer Williams (I forgot how lovely she is) and Diana to lose precious small bits of bikini coverage over and over again. Thank you for blurry modesty bars. From the sidelines the other ladies cheered and snickered. Diana is really working overtime to prove she isn't the "president" but merely a humble servant. And she's fun too!

Did anyone think NeNe installed some sort of zapper in Diana and whenever she didn't follow the rules NeNe shocked her? She had a personality 180 this episode… 

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Season three of Shahs of Sunset is right around the corner. And as much as it pains me to admit it, we're totally looking forward to it. #HousewivesBurnOut

To promote the new season,  Reza Farahan, Mercedes "MJ" Javid, Mike Shouhed,  Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi,  Asa Soltan Rahmati, and Lilly Ghalichi put together a music video titled Like A Persian. Obviously a spoof of Madonna's hit Like A Virgin. The video is everything we've come to expect from the Shahs – self-indulgent and over the top. The gold lion masks? I can't. 

Shahs of Sunset returns November 5 (PHOTOS and VIDEO) on Bravo.

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In the immortal words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!" Is this what the world is coming to? Families decorate for fall only to have their hard work stolen during the dark of night? For shame. This news makes me anything but happy, happy, happy!

Duck Dynasty fans and decent people in general from Ball Ground, Georgia are appalled after the town's favorite scarecrow went missing last Wednesday. The scarecrow, sporting camouflage, was a dead ringer for Uncle Si.

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Another day, another tacky as all get out klothing line dollar for sisters Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian. In addition to their Dash stores, Kardashian Kollection with Sears, and countless scents and make-up ventures, the reality stars are taken their version of high end design to other parts of the world…as in, not here in the United States. Thank you, girls.  Thank you.

According to Web Pro News, the Keeping up with the Kardashian stars' new line, called Lipsy, will launch on October 24th and will be available exclusively in the U.K., Russia, Ireland, and the Middle East. Those of you who live in the States, fear not. These are the Kardashians, and I'm sure they'll be launching their new line of toenail clippers/butt pads/windshield wiper blades any day now for us to enjoy.

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**EXCLUSIVE** Farrah Abraham and her new boyfriend Brian Dawe take a romantic evening walk in the park in Orlando

Farrah Abraham has a man in her life – and she's been keeping it a secret! 

Farrah and celebrity DJ Brian Dawe went public with their romance over the weekend. Apparently, the former Teen Mom star and Brian have been dating for five months, which means they hooked up right around the time Farrah's "sex tape" was "leaked"

Brian was featured on VH1's Master of the Mix and has shared a stage with big names like Rihanna, Ke$ha, Busta Rhymes, 2 Live Crew, and many more. Why he's with Farrah… I have no idea… but the two looked real chummy in a set of pictures released this morning. 

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Photo Credit: JP/JFXimages/Wenn.com