Growing up is sooooo hard to do. Especially when you're a 32-year-old male model perfecting the dilettante lifestyle. Such is the case of Jax Taylor, who everyday listens to Rod Stewart's anthem "Forever Young" on his iPod while slicing lime twists for the perfect cocktail. But alas fair Jax – everyone has a moment when they wake up Maggie Mae.
Worst of all is that Jax let his people down. His followers, ready to decamp in the jungle without their eyeliner for him, were crestfallen.
In the tangled web of Vanderpump Rules, Jax is trying to rekindle his relationship with Stassi Schroeder and to do that he's taking their dog shopping. Stassi wants all remnants of that flea Laura-Leigh exterminated. Over talk of new leashes, Stassi then turns her laser devil eyes on Jax and he is forced to beg and plead with her not to exterminate him as well.
Stassi and Jax, the endless tale of emotional f**kwittism. Is buying a new dog accessory some sort of break-up rite of passage now?
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there was an intervention, the reveal of Ken Todd's secret life, and one incredibly boring trip to Paris which consisted of standing on a balcony in bad cocktail dresses speculating over whether or not Kim Richards was jet-lagged or relapsing.
Things begin at Kyle Richards' house where we are treated to the full scope of her sitting room. I certainly hope she isn't paying Faye Resnick for her design services because tacked onto the white walls are dead turtle shells. In other accents Kyle had American flag pillows strewn around her sectional. #Refund. Anyway, Kim loves this room. She just loves this room. Apparently in her house there is no place to sit down. She should hire Faye. Or you know, buy a couch! Craigslist, baby.
Segue: can you imagine how awesome the BH Craigslist offerings must be?
Anyway, one thing Kim isn't happy about, besides her lack of seating space, is Taylor Armstrong's behavior. After Taylor got drunk and took off with a married man whose private jet she's in love with and ditched her daughter with the nanny and Kyle, Kim is convinced Taylor has a little problem with the old Chardonnay. Something about Taylor slurring 'Keeedeeeee's with youse, Kow. I thought eye left er at ome with the burlr larm?' tipped her off to the problem.
As if they weren't enough for 'Merica to handle, Alana Thompson and her family are all set to internationally dominate all things deer statutes, four-wheelers, and forklift foot. June Shannon, Sugar Bear, and Uncle Poodle are going to have people all over the world talking about the small town of McIntyre, Georgia…heck, the South in general. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is going global! Frightening, huh?
I am a huge fan of the show–and a proud Southerner–but gracious, this is a lot to digest (and not just because I had 'sketti for dinner. Kidding–gag!). On one hand, I'm happy for the family and their successes. However, I hope that people in other parts of the world don't assume we're all eating pigs feet and going dumpster diving…not that there's anything wrong with those things!
Is it just me or has Love & Hip Hop over extended itself on cast members and bad story lines? Some nights we see everyone, some nights we don't see some of the more "popular" characters. Heck, there are some women in the opening credits who have had maybe five minutes of screen time all season. It's nothing short of terribly confusing, but I guess it's one of the reasons I watch! You never know what–or who–you're going to get!
Last night commenced with Yandy Smith fighting mad after learning that her boyfriend Mendeecees jumped her personal trainer/cousin. He is all in her face about not caring that her cousin is in the NFL, and she's upset that he doesn't respect her family members. After lots of cussing, Yandy storms off into the night. Props to Mendeecees for being super mature about the situation. Oh wait…
Lore'l and Winter Amos are having drinks and discussing Lore'l's new record and their dating lives. Lore'l thinks they have different priorities in relationships…she is looking for love while her friend Winter is looking for cash. Classy. Winter is thrilled to hear that Lore'l has let her manager-friend go, and she's even more excited about her upcoming tell-all. She plans on exposing lots of past relationships, and Lore'l is a bit concerned to find out she's mentioned in the book.
Another day in the life of the girls of Teen Mom 2's craziness. I feel like the girls are starting to morph into one another. Leah Messer Simms Calvert is starting to act a lot like Chelsea Houska when it comes to getting over old boyfriends, and Kailyn Lowry is getting to know the inside of courtroom almost as familiarly as Jenelle Evans. What is going on with these girls? Let's get on with it, shall we?
It's been nearly two weeks since Kailyn or Isaac has seen Jo. The hearing for her Protection From Abuse Order is coming up, and Kailyn is going to see her lawyer to prevent Jo from harassing her. However, she admits to her friend that she really just filed it to prove her point. Once at the attorney's office, her lawyer asks that her friend remove Isaac from the meeting so they aren't talking about his dad in front of him. Kailyn suggests that the pair take anger management classes, and her attorney recommends a co-parenting class the two could take together. Kailyn's eyes light up at the thought of it…more time with Jo!
At her new digs, Chelsea is caking on the make-up and trying not to think about the fact that Aunt Flo still hasn't made her monthly visit. She hasn't talked to Adam since they hooked up, but Chelsea can't worry about him as it's her first day of beauty school and Aubree's first day of daycare. She is such a cute little girl, and I only hope that her mother's whining won't screw her up for years to come. You can practically see the excitement in Aubree's eyes as she's passed off to the daycare administrator. "Freedom!"
It's hard for Jenelle to focus on schoolwork now that Kieffer's out of jail. She explains to a friend that she would probably be with Kieffer if Gary wasn't in the picture, but Kieffer isn't what is best for her. Gary has a job and a car, so he's clearly the mature choice.
Reality television isn't all housewives and hip-hop and Kardashian krazy (thank goodness for small favors!. There are some lesser followed, but equally entertaining reality shows that will be making their way back onto your guide channel after becoming hugely popular in their first seasons.
Both Breaking Amish and King Of The Nerds will be returning after stellar ratings. TLC will be renewing its hit which followed a group of Amish and Mennonite young people who were supposedly shunned by their ultra conservative religious communities as they navigated the mean streets of New York City. Likewise, TBS will be bringing back it's wildly popular King Of The Nerds reality competition.
Lisa is the first 'Housewife' to ever make it onto the series which has been turning the first ladies of Bravo down for years! Well the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star will be shaking her British derriere with partner Gleb Savechenko.
For those worried that Giggy will not be making an appearance, Lisa confirmed: "Giggy is always with me. He's over there." And somewhere Kyle Richards cried big, fat wet tears of lost delusions of grandeur…