On last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County we met new girl Lydia McLaughlin. Lydia's kinda like Rainbow Bright on acid, isn't she? She also sort of looks like a Bratz doll. She was bringing all my 1990's childhood cartoon flashbacks to life with her little squeakerton voice and her goofball expressions. Whatever – I fully expect her to go SheRah Princess of Power on these bitches before the season's over. Watch it blondies!
Things begin, oh where did they begin? With all the bad dye jobs and bad plastic surgery blurring together sometimes I lose track of where things even started. And speaking of plastic surgery things began with Vicki Gunvalson and Alexis Bellino. She and Vicki are BFF now since everyone hates their significant others and what better way is there to bond, I s'pose? I mean it worked for Alexis and Gretchen Rossi for two seasons, so Vicki picked up where Gretchen participated in a gang intervention. And girls who share plastic surgeons together, stay together!
On last night's Watch What Happens Live, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Camille Grammer graced Andy Cohen with her presence in the clubhouse. Joining her was rocker – and Ashlee Simpson ex – Pete Wentz, who will be hosting a new tattoo competition show on Oxygen. Andy addresses the tragedy in Boston, and declares it a night where everyone needs a drink. That said, there is no drinking game word…you just drink when the word "Drink" flashes across the screen. Seems easy enough for me! The bartender is the guy who designed the logo that is Andy's face which can be found on most of the Mazel products.
Andy opens the vault to reveal two clips of Camille scantily dressed and dancing on '90's late night shows. She admits to having a breast reduction since those glory days. My, my, my! Those are some jugs. Pete compliments the current state of Camille's rack. The poll question involves Real Housewives of Orange County, and Andy wonders if Briana had the right to ban Brooks Ayers from her mother's house.
Oh girls of Teen Mom 2, what are we going to do with you? Last night,Leah Messer Sims Calvert walked down the aisle for a second time in her short life, and Jenelle Evans caused a scene at Jace's third birthday party. Anyone want to chip in for a Mom-of-theYear trophy with me? Chelsea Houska celebrated her twenty-first birthday, and Kailyn Lowry got engaged to Javi and Jo let out a sigh of relief that she was now someone else's problem. Good times, right?
The episode starts with Leah cooking breakfast with her dad, and we learn that she hasn't seen him since she was thirteen. She tells him what a great provider Jeremy is, and he's happy to be back in his daughter's life. I wish he'd turn his NASCAR ballcap around so I could see who his favorite driver is. #rubbinisracin'
Chelsea is moving yet again (what is this…like the fourth time this season alone?), and she takes Aubree to her mom's after daycare. She's planning for her twenty-first birthday, and her mom offers to watch Aubree so she can celebrate. Aubree's birthday is not long after Chelsea's, and Chelsea's mom asks if A-D-A-M will be attending her party. Chelsea turns on the whine and says she doesn't want to talk about him under any circumstances. Her mom praises her maturity.
Back with Kieffer, Jenelle is stressed out because her roommate is moving out, and she's short on cash from her boyfriend's mooching ways because her Internet job isn't paying as much as she'd hoped. She heads to her mom's house to discuss Jace's upcoming third birthday. Wait, my bad…she really just wants to complain to Barbara about her roommate and collect her mail. She reveals to her mom that she's dropped out of school due to the stress from her legal troubles with Gary and her boob job…both good reasons. Jenelle can barely keep her eyes open as she tells her mom that Kieffer is moving in with her. Barbara tells her daughter that she's planned Jace's party for the following day at a local tumbling Jim. Jenelle is upset that she didn't get more time to invite her friends, but she warns her mom she will be bringing Kieffer.
I'll be honest, I didn't think there was any need for another hour of reunion footage for Love & Hip Hop after watching the first half last week. However, Mona Scott-Young proved me wrong (it's not the first time either!). Consequence and Professor Joe Budden reveal a hidden feud that causes Cons to totally sucker punch Joe. It's ridiculousness at it's finest. Rich Dollaz and Erica Mena continue to show the world just how dysfunctional their relationship is/was, and Yandy Smith opens up about Mendeecees Harris' arrest.
The evening begins with Mona introducing the cast, and Joe, Tahiry Jose, Yandy, Erica, and Rich are joining her on stage. Mona shows a clip of the ladies' dressed in their bootilicious finest, and it's T&A all over the place. Rich and Joe take a fan video question which wonders if the naked pictures of them on the Internet are, um, accurate. Joe claims his phone was stolen at a strip club, and, while it's his body, the pic was photoshopped. Rich says that his photo is true to form from the waist up, but someone downplayed his man bits. A bitter Erica disagrees…she snips that it's a true depiction of Rich's business.
Mona highlights Jen Bayer and Consequence's struggle with religion. Jen still wants her one day of tradition, but Cons isn't willing to compromise. Rashidah Ali, who is also Muslim, feels for the couple's situation. Mona questions Jen about her comments to Raqi Thunda about being white, and before she can explain, Raqi starts mouthing off to Cons. Rashidah tells Raqi that she's a disgrace to Islam, and the two women go at it. Rashidah takes off her shoes, and the scrapping begins. Joe is filming it all on his camera. Once they are separated and scolded by Mona, Raqi exits to compose herself.
I'll bet Jackie Christie of VH1's Basketball Wives: L.A. is vying for a spin-off right about now. That said, I hope Draya Michele is churning out those teeny bikinis to pad her bank account. It seems that the two women, along with the other more forgettable cast members from BBW: L.A., will all need to find something to do with their time if this gossip is true…
Gloria Govan hinted about jumping ship a while ago, claiming to be working on other projects (Internet ballerina/ninja movies, I presume), and now it looks the rest of the women will following suit–whether they like it or not!
Meanwhile, Harvin Eadon and Meyer Eadon are anxious to get She Blames Me up and running now that Virginia Kolb blocked access to their used and abused emergency fund. Horrors! Their allowance of $1,000 a week isn't cutting it. Meyer simply cannot bear the thought of living in such horrid conditions, adding, "It's pure torture."
Harvin and Meyer meet with Middleman to discuss the next step for She Blames Me. The sisters lose their minds a little when Middleman mentions a possible meeting with swimwear designer Ashley Paige. A swimsuit by Ashley costs roughly $1,000 a string, says Meyer, so after a year, Meyer and Harvin will each be able to afford a 52-string swim suit.
"I think it is cool that Vicki [Gunvalson] went to say hello to Tamara [Barney] first, even though she sees and feels 'all this Ick' between them. I think that shows that she is, or is trying to be, the bigger person and move forward," Lydiapraises.
"I am happy that Tamra and Vicki eventually talk and move on. . .although, I’m still trying to figure out what Gretchen has to do with their friendship. What is this second grade and you can only have one best bud? Gretchen seems to be scared that there is only room for one friend in Tamara's life,and she wants it to be her." Yes, Lydia. That's exactly what it's like!