Last night's Vanderpump Rules reunion only "surved" to prove that Kristen Doute is totally, certifiable, crazypants! Like, absolutely so! I believe Ariana Madix described it as "borderline personality disorder," and while Ariana is by no means a doctor (oh God no!) working at SUR she's certainly come into contact with her fair share of insanity.
So, Tom 1 is still not over the total sham that was his five-year flirtation with the devil because one never gets over something like that – luckily Ariana is helping him cope, Kristen needs help, Stassi Schroeder quit SUR without notice and likely quit the show, Jax Taylor admits to hooking up with married women and pretends he's over Stassi. Katie Maloney was predictable basically not there except to be Stassi's Anonymous Sycophant No 1, Peter Madrigal was unfortunately not there (WAAAH!), and Scheana Marie has turned into a Kardashian. Lisa Vanderpump was annoyed with all of them.
K – see you next season!
Kidding, Kidding… I've got to recap this joint! Andy Cohen was also present and he was so giddy he needed an adult diaper because he was peeing himself with glee. It was… disturbing.
Rumors have been running rampant over the past week that Porsha Stewart is pregnant after a few Instagram snaps made it look like she might be hiding a baby bump. She let them fly for a week or so and finally took to Instagram this morning to clear things up.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star(who is now going by Porsha Williams, but we just can't get on board with the change yet) says, "Bringing a child into the world is an experience I pray God will bless me with someday. However at this time despite the persistent rumors, as you all can see, I AM NOT PREGNANT! "
I think this is definitely proof..I mean, as long as the photo was really taken recently and not an oldie she's using in it's place. That said, I do believe her. And besides, a baby is totally Kenya Moore's storyline next season and she's not about to let Porsha steal her thunder.
Many, many seasons ago Splits Richardswas the queen's lady-in-waiting, but she aspired to be the queen. She teamed up with an evil stepsister named Adrienne and was exposed for talking ish about the queen and conspiring to tear her down. She even compared the queen's ruling to a mad, mad game of chess!
The queen was hurt so she built a beautiful fortress high in the hills surrounded by roses, which are very beautiful and fragrant but guard their beauty with thorns. Meanwhile the lady-in-waiting wilted and wilted until all the was left was a sad mass of yesteryear's hair. She desperately wanted a place in the sun again and begged the queen for forgiveness. The queen reminded her that she had looked into her crystal ball – Swarvoski crystal, hand-cut and cast, mind you – and realized that the friendship had never been true because once people show themselves to you, the giggy is up.
So last night was the Love & Hip Hop reunion part duh deux. Let's hope that Mo'Nique can salvage what was a boring first half. Right off the bat, Mo'Nique warns everyone to keep their seats. She resumes her conversation with Peter Gunz, Tara Wallace, and Amina Buddafly. Mo'Nique questions whether Amina is worried she'll be Tara in ten years. Amina reveals that after a year of marriage, Amina already feels like Tara as Peter is up to his old tricks. We are treated to a highlight reel of the love triangle. I hope that Tara is as grossed out by her language regarding sexing up Peter as I am. Amina reveals that she will never allow herself to become Tara, Peter made her look like a fool, and Amina isn't going to put up with his shenanigans. The women are actually making some mature points, which is a plus. Erica Mena gives Amina a round of applause.
Peter admits that if he'd known Tara had such strong feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have married Amina. He announces that he's too old to be acting like this, and he believes that both women deserve better. Peter needs to work on becoming a better person. Amina interrupts to remind the audience that she loves pulling surprises out of her bra (Mrs. Pansky's drivers' license anyone?) before throwing a positive pregnancy test at Peter. Yup, Urine. She says that unlike Tara, she didn't take the Plan B. Erica is beside herself. "Shiz just got real, y'all!" she yells as Peter storms off the stage. Erica goes to comfort Amina, while Tahiry Jose follows Peter, urging him to publicly apologize to Tara for humiliating her on national television.
Hmmm…which to discuss first–the rumors of Bruce Jenner quietly becoming a woman or the idea that Kim Kardashian would dress baby North in clothing from Target? Decisions, decisions! Luckily for us, they are both equally hilarious notions!
After escaping splitting from Kris Jenner, Bruce has grown out his hair into a flowing mane, the likes of which would make a certain polygamist jealous. He's also been sporting longer fingernails and had his Adam's apple shaved to be less prominent. Those are all totally normal things for a man to do, right? It doesn't necessarily mean anything!
In just a few short weeks, that special brand of crazy known as Real Housewives of New York will be returning, and with it will come Carole Radziwill for her sophomore season. While Carole tends to shy away from the drama (until she gets in her confessional, that is), I'm sure we'll see more spark from her now that she's learned how her co-stars operate.
Not only do we have the show's premiere to look forward to, Carole has just published a new novel titled The Widow's Guide to Sex and Dating. She's happily promoting both the book and the show which means she's clearly got the "housewives' gene"!
After tonight's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Brandi Glanville was Andy's guest on Watch What Happens Live. She was initially supposed to be paired up with Denise Richards, but Jenny McCarthy stepped in. We were sort of expecting a dishy episode since Jenny and Brandi are both so outspoken, but it was fairly mild.
Andy kicks things off by showing Brandi a clip of Kenya's slam last night on WWHL. Brandi says, "I agree with her that it was an assholic thing to say. But I still think she needs some..something. The dark dark makeup, it's like really ashy and weird." When Andy says she almost apologized and then took it back, Brandi says "I learned from Vanderpump how to do that".