The Real Housewives of DC Recap: The Phony Redskinette

Real Housewives of DC

This season of the Real Housewives of DC has had a theme, which is the phoniness of the gruesome twosome aka the Salahis. Whether it be the couple’s phony grapes, phony party invites, phony house hunting, and now phony cheerleading. If there’s one thing we  have all come to know and “love” about the Salahis, it is that their phoniness knows no bounds.

This episode of the DC Housewives begins with the now separated Ommanneys browsing through photos for Cat’s book cover. The scene starts out as a cute scene between the couple, until Cat decides to ask Charles about his upcoming schedule, which gave us a glimpse into the couple’s marriage. Based on Charles’ schedule, it’s all but obvious these two are lucky to even spend a day a week together. Cat’s definitely not exaggerating when she states she sometimes feels like a single mom.

The hilarity begins in the next scene with the Salahis. We see Michaele shaking her phony pom poms in preparation for the Washington Redskins cheerleading alumni dance routine. Michaele arrives at the practice in a white SUV, and not the awful 80s white stretch limo, thank goodness. Immediately, we see Michaele looking rather lost and completely offbeat while attempting to do the routines. Judging by Michaele’s lack of rhythm, and her overly eager attitude, it’s all but obvious we’re watching a 44-year-old con artist live out her fantasy of being a professional cheerleader.


And oh yeah, the Washington Post also reported last December that Michaele’s fellow cheerleaders were very suspicious of her, mostly based on the fact that no one seemed to remember her. “She was never at an audition, never at a game and never performed,” former cheerleader and choreographer Sheryl Olecheck told the paper. “When I saw her, I had to ask around: ‘Who is that?’

Terri Lamb, the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders Alumni Association President, made it 100% clear that Michaele was never a Redskins cheerleader. “We have no record that she ever was a Redskins cheerleader,” she told the Post. “She was listed on our 1991 roster at Ms. Salahi’s request and based on her misrepresentation to us.”

And there you have it folks. Michaele Salahi was NEVER a Washington Redskin cheerleader. I mean, who does this? Who wakes up one morning and decides to rewrite history? Do the Salahis believe their own lies? Do they wake up each day, joining heads on what their next con’s going to be? Just surreal this people. They are truly con artists.

Moving on to the next scene, as Stacie decides to invite the ladies and their kids over for a ice cream/martini get together. Things quickly take an uncomfortable turn when Stacie’s adorable son wants to know who is the oldest mommy in the room. Instead of politely telling the kid that this is not an appropriate question to ask, the adults decide to engage the children in playing who’s mommy looks the oldest. Cat’s daughter starts off the game, picking Mary as the oldest looking mommy. Yikes. Mary doesn’t look too happy and the ladies head on to the living room.

Mary brings up Michaele‘s non-existence past as a cheerleader, and the ladies are in disbelief over yet another Salahi lie. It’s interesting watching these ladies uncover the many lies of the Salahis, considering this was filmed before their lies were exposed in the press. Mary once again brings up Michaele being her make-up artist in the 90s, and I must say, the story never gets old. No sarcasm here, I truly do find the story hilarious.

The topic turns to Mary’s children, as she mentions her daughter Lolly quiting her job and moving back home. Once again, the other ladies seem to criticize Mary for allowing her 23-year-old daughter to move back in. I’m actually with Mary on this, what is the big deal? Is Mary suppose to kick her daughter out to live on the streets? Of course, she’s going to support her daughter. As long as Lolly is following the home rules and trying to get back on her feet, I don’t see the crime Mary is committing.

Things take another turn for the uncomfortable when Erika decides to choose the wrong place and time to unleash her anger on Cat. “That’s the mean girl coming out!” yells out Erika, who brings up the Tyra incident from an earlier episode. Lynda, in her oh so always condescending tone, tells Erika she is placing a judgment on Cat. While I absolutely agree with Erika’s comments about Cat, I do think she was out of line in the way she behaved.

However, the only thing worse than Erika’s outburst was Cat trying to play the victim. I simply refuse to see Cat as a victim. Instead, I see her as a rude obnoxious loudmouth, who loves to dish it out, yet always chooses to walk away when it’s time to take it. This is the second time this season someone has called out Cat on her rudeness. Perhaps the problem is with you Cat.

Cat’s victim plight takes a turn for the worse as she begins to cry. Really Cat? You’re crying? You’re crying because somebody hurt your feelings? Something you do on a daily basis by being rude? The crying was over the top in my opinion. I understand that she’s going through a hard time, but people playing victim is a major pet peeve of mine. Erika walks over to Cat and gives the worst apology known to man. “The way she behaved and the way she spoke to me was so appalling that I could never do that to anyone in a billion years,” says the rude British lady. Me thinks Bravo knew what they were doing by playing those exact words by Cat.

In the next scene, we see the ladies meet up with David Catania to discuss the marriage equality issue. Hair stylist Paul Wharton makes it clear he refuses to allow any of his friends to be against gay marriage. Lynda is passionate about the issue, as the shares she has a gay sister in her interview. It’s now Mary‘s turn to speak, and she reveals she isn’t passionate about the issue because it doesn’t affect the people closest to her. Paul is not happy with Mary’s comments as he states a lot of Mary’s friends are gay. The Turners share their unpopular opinion in the room, when they reveal they aren’t exactly pro gay marriage.

Paul makes a good point when he states he feels making gay marriage legal will make him feel more like an equal in society. Jason also makes a good point when he states many people feel intimidated to express a more conservative view on the issue due to fear of a backlash, and being accused of being homophobic. Before Jason can finish his sentence, Paul rudely interrupts, stating people against gay marriage are  indeed homophobes. Paul then takes things a step further in his interview, when he declares those who don’t share his belief on the issue cannot be his friends. David Catania makes the best point of the night when he cautions supporters of marriage equality to be patient and take time with people who are not there yet. Stacie reveals in her interview that she is still conflicted on the issue.

The Salahis decide to meet with a Virgina State delegate in an attempt to appear important to discuss reopening their Oasis winery.  And I again wonder, how the Salahis plan on being able to afford the $8,000,000 home they are wanting to buy with their defunct business.

Mary is shown having a conversation with daughter Lolly, and Mary once again mentions how she and Lolly have more of a girlfriend relationship than a mother/daughter relationship because of their closeness in age.  Umm, will somebody please inform Mary that she is 20 years older than Lolly, and that they are really not that close in age — at all.  The gay marriage issue is brought up again, and Lolly shares that most of her friends are gay.  The Amons agree that it’s a human right issue and unconstitutional to ban gay marriage, except Mary seems at a complete loss of words. We see Lolly help her mother finish her sentence, and the camera pans away as Lolly stands there, giving her mother a look that says ‘you’re a complete moron.’

Cat and Celebrity Colorist Jason Backe meet up for a nice friendly conversation. In her interview, Cat shares that Jason is one of the few friends she has in DC, and once again mentions being alone often with Charles being away so much. Cat, who earlier said she would never in a billion years speak in an appalling manner to others, decides it’s okay to bash the said others as long as they are not around.  Cat complains to Jason about her neighborhood as she is tired of being surrounded by “filthy desperate housewives” who walk around all day with their dogs and their plastic bags of poo.

To end the episode, we see the Salahis meet up with a writer in hopes of getting him to ghost write a book about them.  With all the drama in their lives, including family lawsuits, phony grape stomping, party crashing etc, the con artists feel that they have a good story to tell.  “Wine, War, & Roses” is the name Tareq comes up with for the book.  Not a bad name actually, and judging from the smug look on Tareq’s face, I will take a gander and say he’s aware of this as well.  By the way, don’t you just love that background music Bravo plays for this gruesome pair? Completely genius.

When asked what the ending will be for the book, Tareq mentions the ending will be their new beginning, but not before adding: “We may have a few more bumps on the road that we don’t know about.” Oh, don’t you just love the foreshadowing!  And the long awaited episode is coming up next week.  We finally get to see the Salahis as they prepare to crash the White House dinner, allegedly of course 🙂  Can’t wait to watch the hilarity.

Watch What Happens – WWHL with Jeff Lewis and Mary Amons did not disappoint.  Seriously Bravo, can we just have Jeff on every week? It really makes no sense that we should have to sit through some episodes without this guy. He is always hilarious and fun to watch.  I still propose Jeff gets Andy’s job, or perhaps become a co-host of some sort.  Tina Fey will appear on the show next week, and as much of a Tina fan as I am, I still say bring back Jeff Lewis!