The Real Housewives of Miami Premiere Recap: Party Crashing 101

Not so great ratings and negative reviews in tow, the show must go on, and it did last night as Bravo aired the second episode of the Real Housewives of Miami.

While episode 2 didn’t seem to help matters that much, a single phone call via Lea Black on Watch What Happens Live last night did seem to bring some glimmer of hope. Perhaps this season won’t be all that bad after all. More on this later.

The episode begins with Adriana having a convo with fiance Frederic as the two have a surprisingly not awkward conversation about Adriana and her love for guys. The topic then turns to the catwalk drama involving the other ladies. Adriana gets it right when she refers to Larsa and Cristy as high school “mean girls” in her interview, but gets it wrong when she states she did not make a fool of herself on the catwalk.


Lea is planning her annual charity gala while also preparing gift bags for the celebrities that will be in attendance. Natalie Cole – A list, check. Rick Ross – B list, check. Joe Francis – F list, questionable check. Kim Zolciak – ummmmm, moving right along. Lea’s goal is to raise $1 million plus, and she reveals she works every day from 6 or 7 in the morning until 2 – 4 in the morning for three months straight in organizing the gala… every day… 7am to 3 am.. for three months. Sounds like Lea might have learned how to tell a fib or two from her lawyer hubby.

Marysol reveals her PR company will be in charge of doing the red carpet while Adriana proudly lets us know she sits comfortably on Lea‘s charity committee. Adriana donates art, stuffs envelopes, licks stamps, does the dishes, polishes Lea’s shoes, you know, pretty much whatever it takes to make Lea happy and keep her in the elite circle.

It is now time to see Cuban Barbie at work at her magazine- Venue magazine, which is a Spanish publication that is family owned and operated. We find out Cuban Barbie also works with her step son Herman Jr. CB explains in her interview that her magazine is distributed amongst the lower class or is the politically correct term of the “lower person” who cannot afford the elite lifestyle but does aspire to be like the elite or at least read about them. And I believe my tweet from last night pretty much sums up this scene — ‘Dear Bravo housewife, If Bravo ever speeds up the background music when you’re talking, it’s typically to highlight the stupid words coming out of your mouth.’

For the second week in a row, we are forced to watch the Miami housewives get together for a cooking lesson with a chef. First of all, this scene is like deja vu because it has been done on pretty much every other housewives franchise. But to have to watch this two weeks in a row just seems like a punishment and the 110th reason this franchise is just not working so far. I mean even the chef is over the top and annoying. Sighs.

The meal is completed and for the second week in a row, the ladies head outside to eat because it’s Miami and that’s what housewives in Miami do. Lea is missing in action as she is still busy working 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. And also for the 2nd week in a row, Adriana once again decides to make the event all about her. This time around, the drama doesn’t involve her ex-husband but rather her fiance Frederic who apparently hung up on her when she asked him to pick up her son from school. And just as I started to feel bad for Adriana, Alexia makes an excellent point when she points out the fact that Adriana is enjoying lunch with her friends while asking Frederic, who is busy working, to pick up her son.

Alexia then goes on to become my least disliked MIA housewife when she states Larsa & Cristy are a bit judgmental considering they have a lot of help with their kids. All ends well as Frederic ends up picking up her son though it’s become increasingly obvious that Adriana is a full time drama queen/part time attention whore.

Next we see a scene with Larsa and her friends as the ladies discuss an important crisis — Larsa’s nanny issues aka RPP – Rich People Problems. Poor Camille, errr I mean Larsa, she’s having a hard time finding a nanny who can cook, clean, babysit, sing, tap, all while having to love animals as well, at least bunnies. And I wonder, shouldn’t she have a chef and maid in addition to her nanny? Seems like Larsa has a ways to go before she can catch up to Camille.

We are then introduced to Larsa’s mom Samira, who has flown in from Chicago for backup, or was it to be Larsa’s fill in nanny? The mother and daughter duo bond as they discuss how bad Larsa’s nanny is and Larsa even lets out a child-like giggle when mommy tells her she will gladly help her fire the nanny. The two even high five it! How touching.

It is finally the day of Lea‘s charity gala and Marysol is getting ready for the big day, and no she’s not getting a plastic surgery afternoon quickie, but rather getting her make up professionally done. Marysol’s mom Elsa shows up and has some funny words of advice for her daughter.

Lea arrives to the gala location to put some last minute touches on the event. Lea reveals the items up for auction include a Bentley and a Bugatti. And despite the bad economy (this was filmed a year ago), Lea believes her guests will “step up and do the right thing.” Evidently, paying your $500 entrance fee, just showing up to the event, and not bidding is the wrong thing to do.

The celebrity guests arrive at the red carpet including our very own Atlanta housewife Kim Zolciak and her then lady-pond friend DJ Tracy Young. Adriana also shows up and is none to happy that her name is not on the list. How dare these door people? She is on the committee darn it! She even licked the stamps, stuffed the envelopes and everything, definitely earning her way into the party. And I must say Adriana has to be Lea‘s number one fan/groupie/cheerleader or something. I mean the butt kissing and borderline idolization is beyond redonkulous! I’m sure any episode now, Adriana will reveal Lea’s is her son’s Godmother.

Roy Black takes the stage to kick things off by encouraging the guests to do some table dancing a la Paris Hilton, you know, back when she was still famous and relevant. Meanwhile, Alexia spends the night trying to prevent her hubby from purchasing a Bentley. As the auction continues, Cristy shows up late with two of her friends. Not only did Cristy not purchase a ticket for herself or her pals, but she also heads for the drinks right away.

All is going Cristy‘s way until someone informs Lea of Cristy’s shenanigans. Lea is none too happy as an oblivious Cristy continues to schmooze and work the room like a $1000 hooker! “Cristy never worked a day in her life for the charity and shows up with two friends and doesn’t pay,” complained Lea in her interview. “My intention is to be here and say hi. You know, be here for a short while and then go on,” says Cristy in her interview, aka I just wanted to be seen. Lea reveals she will simply be sending Cristy an invoice, adding in her interview that Cristy did not play by the rules of the Miami social elite.

I guess this episode was a bit better overall with the drama starting to pick up. Though when it comes to the Cristy and Lea drama, I’m not sure what my take is. On one hand, I think it’s pretty obvious Cristy was in the wrong by showing up without purchasing a ticket, while on the other hand, I wonder if Lea is overreacting to the entire thing. Cristy’s defense on WWHL? She claimed she didn’t buy a ticket because she wasn’t planning to attend, and that her attendance was a last minute thing. Either way, it appears the drama carries on into next week.

Watch What Happens Live – If you missed last night’s episode of WWHL, then you really missed out! The guests were Marysol Patton and Cristy Rice, and a few minutes into the show, Lea called in and unleashed what can only be described as a verbal whoop ass on Cristy, referring to her as “a $1000 hooker” and even demanding Cristy apologize. Words don’t do this justice so a clip of the drama is below.

Another highlight on the show was Marysol appearing visibly uncomfortable when Andy asked her if she has had any work done on her face. She would only admit to botox and doing something to her lips. According to Marysol, her mom Elsa doesn’t read the internet and isn’t really aware of her somewhat growing popularity from being on the show. And kudos to Andy for having some tact last night and not mentioning anything about Elsa’s face. Must say watching Marysol talk about her mom last night made me feel a bit bad for her, having to hear all the negative comments regarding her mother. I think I’ll lay off a bit from here on out, plus Elsa is pretty entertaining so far no?

Back to the Lea/Cristy drama – Wowzers! Did not expect that from the classy Lea. Following the call, Lea took to her twitter page, posting — “4 the record: @cubanrice is not a hooker, just felt it was inappropriate 4 her 2 attend an event she did not contribute to.” Cristy’s response? “If u say it – own it!”