The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Just Another Cooking Party

This season of the Real Housewives of Miami has brought many things Cuban, think a Cuban airhead Barbie, an authentic Cuban pig roast, and a Cuban witch, though it seems the best had yet to come as we are introduced to a Cuban Brad Pitt on this episode. Muy Caliente!

The episode begins with the wedding of Marysol and French beau Phillipe, who might or might not be at risk of getting deported hence the quickie wedding. Marysol states she is now calm but accuses Phillipe of being nervous. I don’t know about you but he didn’t look that nervous to me, looked like a man with with his eyes the green card prize. After getting her hair and makeup done, Marysol exits the salon, while her Dwight inspired hairstyle brings back flashbacks of Phaedra’s Southern baby shower. The horror.


We see Cuban Barbie at her office as she meets up with the Cuban Brat Pitt as I wonder if there’s some sort of alternate Cuban universe we are not aware of. I imagine a Cuban David Hasselhoff, a Cuban Courtney Love and a Cuban Charlie Sheen. Oh wait, scratch that last one. Alexia makes certain to give herself credit for discovering model/actor William Levy by putting him on the cover of her magazine years ago, despite the objection from her hubby Herman. The two talk, flirt, and a couple of hair flips later, the meeting ends. Later, Alexia makes certain to be on hand while William does the actual magazine shoot. “Flirting is healthy,” comments Alexia, while I ponder how inappropriate these scenes would be if the gender roles were reserved. Ah, the joys of being a woman!

Larsa meets up with a chef to plan yet another cooking party. Seriously. And at this point, I just can’t with the cooking parties anymore. I mean really? Another cooking party? Sighs. However, Larsa does ask the chef to promise to throw meatballs at the ladies who slack off, so perhaps there is hope for this cooking party.

It’s back to Aspen as Marysol and Phillipe are heading to their wedding venue. Marysol is now “in a full panic,” feeling a little rusty as it’s been a while since her last couple of weddings. Marysol reveals sometimes she just likes to “do things on a whim” and she wasn’t kidding as she revealed she doesn’t have a prenup with Phillipe on WWHL last night. The wedding finally commences, and geez, even this wedding is a tad boring. For starters, I feel like I don’t know this couple, hence the feeling that I’m watching two strangers get married. Okay, maybe the part where the vows were read was a little adorable. A little. While the vows are read, we discover the two have only dated a few months which makes the choice to not get a prenup all the more puzzling.

The funniest scene of the episode takes place as Lea decides to speak with some teens in foster care. “I have a few cheat notes because I’m usually just one to talk without thinking,” accurately points out Lea in her opening. Lea then attempts to have a heart to heart with the teen girls, who can only sit back and stare at the crazy lady and her crazier outfit. And to the girl sporting the shower cap in public on national television? You’re my new hero. Mazel.

It is now time for another heart to heart with Lea and her #1 groupie as the two ladies discuss Mr. Deadbeat, and no, not Slade Smiley, but rather Adriana‘s ex-husband. Adriana reveals her ex, who hasn’t paid child support in 3 years, is wanting to reconcile. Adriana states that’s a no go due to the way he treated her. And according to her divorce court documents, her ex-husband abused and even raped her at one point in their marriage. Whoa. Adriana wants to forget about her ex and focus more on her relationship with Frederic.

It’s the day of the fashion show in which Alexia and Cristy have been asked to walk. Cristy is at the event getting ready and calls Alexia, who tells her she will be missing the show due to a car accident. Cristy has to break the bad news to the fashion designer, but assures her Alexia is okay, while she on the other hand is hysterical. The show begins as I try to figure out if these dresses are all from the same line. Some look high end and classy with the others looking like Bebe knockoffs. Oddly enough, the later seem to suit Cristy perfectly, like they were made specially for her.

Finally, it’s the day of the umpteenth cooking party courtesy of Larsa. Larsa arrives to get a head start, not that it’s a competition or anything though she wants her cooking party to be “funner” than the rest. The ladies arrive and the cooking lesson begins a la Larsa’s Italian chef Steve Martorano, who doesn’t speak Italian and looks like he might have done a bid or two in the big house. Unlike the other cooking parties, this one has a twist! Cook or get yelled out by the hulky chef and/or meatballs thrown at you. So all the women participate, even Lea who arrives late wearing yet another interesting attire. What I wouldn’t give to raid Lea’s closet! And set her clothes on fire.

After being forced to slave away in the kitchen, the ladies finally sit down to eat and chat. They quickly discover Marysol is now married and toast to her union. The topic of the charity gala is brought up and out of the blue, Adriana decides to defend her fairy godmother. “I heard you weren’t too happy about paying for your ticket,” says Adriana to Cristy. Cristy gets a bit defensive, while Adriana feels she has the right to bring it up since she is on the committee, just in case anyone dared to forget.

Lea chimes in reiterating that everybody had to buy a ticket including herself. Lea adds that she only made Cristy pay for two people, instead of three. Cristy denies coming with two people and unfortunately Bravo doesn’t pan back to the gala footage though I’m pretty certain Cristy arrived with two guests. Lea reveals she takes special issue with Cristy paying the invoice and then voicing to others that she shouldn’t have to pay since she was doing Lea a favor by just showing up. “I went there to support you,” says Cristy. And I ask, how exactly does one support a charity event by crashing it, not buying a ticket and not donating a dime? Cristy calls Lea’s invoice tacky, though she might have just been referring to a reflection of herself in Lea’s wine glass.

Larsa puts an end to the conversation, and Cristy’s fate is sealed in the Miami elite circle. Lea runs Miami darn it! Outside, Larsa describes Cristy’s response as being timid, citing she would have bitch slapped everyone including herself if she were in Cristy’s position. Cristy blames the entire fiasco on Adriana and her life mission of kissing Lea’s ass 24/7 “because she said Lea is the one that introduced her to guys with money.”

The ladies drive off, the episode ends and I take it this scene was the Miami equivalent to New Jersey’s table flipping? Next week is the finale, which looks pretty promising as Elsa and Larsa face off. How dare anyone go against Elsa?

Watch What Happens Live – The guests were Marysol Patton and Elsa Patton, and the show did not disappoint! Elsa was very entertaining, funny and charming. Andy Cohen unsuccessfully tried to broach the plastic surgery question by asking Mama Elsa how she stays looking young. Mama Elsa did not take the bait simply accrediting her glamorous looks to make up. As stated above, Marysol revealed she does not have a prenup with hubby Phillipe. Some footage of Elsa and Marysol driving to NYC was shown but the highlight of the show was some before before photos of Elsa, and she was quite the beauty. One of those pics is below –