It’s a non-stop party on Thursday’s Real Housewives of New York! Ramona Singer and Countess Luann gear up for their daughters’ sixteenth birthday parties, with Luann pulling double party planning duty to host a surprise party for Jill. After her bankruptcy announcement, Sonja flies under the radar while Kelly hangs with Victoria and Avery at their respective parties. Alex helps her husband kick his smoking habit by inviting a hypnotherapist into their home. Oh, and Simon at one point wears a dress.

This episode begins with a battle of the party planners, as both Ramona and Luann are planning their daughter’s sweet sixteen parties. Ramona and Avery are meeting with some planners, and as it’s her party (or so she thinks), Avery is giving her two cents about everything. She is totally her mother’s daughter. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Manhattan, Luann is telling her party planners that she doesn’t want “an over the top sweet sixteen” for her daughter Victoria. Yeah, after all the hype surrounding Victoria, I can understand the family wanting to lay low. Of course, Victoria and Luann differ about the number of guests to invite.


And speaking of guest lists, Avery is less than thrilled at how many of Ramona’s friends her mother plans to invite. Silly Avery…just because it’s your birthday doesn’t make it your party. The planners suggest a Winter Wonderland theme, complete with performers. Avery is not keen on the idea of performers taking the spotlight away from her at the party. What else is she not keen on with party themes? Breakdancers. At the other mother-daughter party planning session, Victoria and Luann are going for an urban club scene, complete with ice luges for cocktails mocktails. Sure. Victoria seems genuinely appreciative of her mother’s efforts to throw her a fun party. Avery, however, looks like she’s taking pouting lessons from RHONJ’s Ashley.

Jill and Jill’s sister Lisa meet with Sonja for the infamous liquid facelift. Is it just me or do Sonja’s leather gloves look like those yellow dishwashing gloves? Lisa is an attorney and Jill brought her along so she could advise Sonja on her bankruptcy. The trio discusses Sonja’s debts and assets, while Lisa educates Sonja on an automatic stay. Sonja emphasizes that her personal finances are fine, it’s her business finances that are suffering. Enough of this depressing talk though, “Lets go get some injections!” Jill opines about the subtlety of a liquid facelift and how you shouldn’t even really notice it. If no one is supposed to notice, I wonder why Jill is going to the trouble of getting her face pricked like a seamstress’ favorite pin cushion.

Cindy is helping Luann throw a surprise dinner party for Jill’s birthday. It’s at Chez Josephine, where the owner Jean-Claude is the son of the legendary Josephine Baker. No offense to Ms. Baker, but he looks like the love child of Elton John and Martin Short. The housewives are convening for the party. Ramona and Luann realize that, Oh horror! They have planned both of their daughter’s sweet sixteen parties on the same night. What a coinkidink! I could be wrong, but every scene with Mario looks like he wants to escape the cameras. The dinner party has a cheesy magician who needs to get the hint that the ladies don’t want to be bothered with his tricks.

Silex arrives, and Alex and Luann share some (very) fake pleasantries. Simon is dressed like Nelson Mandela. The party also has a drag king, or a woman dressed as a man, who calls Simon out for his attire. Sonja floats in, and right behind her are Cindy’s brother Howie and his lady friend. The party gets quiet for a second thinking that it was Jill arriving. When she finally does get to the restaurant, Jill is surprised and Ramona tackles with her with a big birthday hug. Jill claims to be choked up, but it’s hard to tell since her face doesn’t move after her liquid facelift.

Ramona has lots of constructive criticism for the party. Ross Gellar, oh my bad…Jacques emcees the party while Marie Antionette Cindy gives a toast. Kelly takes the mic and draws more attention to the fact that she was late to the party than to the fact that everyone is there to celebrate Jill’s birthday. Bawby gives a toast to his wife, lover and best friend (gag) and Jacques is clapping so close to Jill’s face, I’m sincerely concerned he may take off her nose. Ramona feels the party needs to be taken up a notch, so she dons a bright red wig and begins her best Jill impression. She is so good at hurling backhanded insults and being overly dramatic, for a second I think she IS Jill. Not that Ramona isn’t excellent at doing those things herself. Jill’s hurt feelings can’t last too long as Lumann comes down the stairs dressed as a powder blue big bird, complete with feathered headdress and all. She performs (??) “It’s Almost Like Being in Love” but cleverly changes “in love” to “with Jill.” I’m praying this won’t be the Countess’s next single.

Luann takes Victoria shopping for her sweet sixteen outfit. The first dress she tries on she dismisses as “too Paris Hilton-y” which is funny considering the sales girl told her it was the dress Paris Hilton wore to her last birthday. The next dress is extremely short, so of course Victoria loves it. It’s eerily similar to the dress Jill wore to her birthday dinner.

Across town, Jacob, a hypnotherapist, meets with Alex and Simon to help Simon overcome his addiction to cigarettes. Bless Simon’s heart, it looks like he smoked an entire carton right before this guy came to their house. Simon reveals he has one cigarette left in his pack and he would like to go smoke it before Jacob starts his psycho-babble. Alex and Jacob talk awkwardly as Simon inhales his last bit of nicotine. Jacob hypnotizes Simon, but honestly, he just yells “You are a non-smoker!” at him multiple times. Cured!

Avery takes her friends to lunch to discuss her upcoming party. Her friends seem to think she’s bragging for no reason excited about the shindig. Ramona relates that, for a high schooler, Avery has a very elite group of friends. That’s exactly what would have made my mom proud when I was in high school…trying to navigate peer pressure and popularity with “elite friends.” Oh, Ramona.

Cindy and Alex work out together with Cindy’s trainer, and the awkward flirting between Cindy and her exercise guru isn’t lost on Alex. The trainer insults Cindy’s 1980s sweatshirt while dissing about how badly it smells. Cindy self-consciously sniffs herself while the trainer chucks said sweatshirt across the gym.

The Singer family is doing a walk-through of Avery’s party space which is complete with fake snow. Mario just looks more and more uncomfortable every time he’s on camera. There are sofas and beds for the kids to lounge on, but Ramona is insistent they aren’t really ‘beds,’ it’s just additional seating. Next Ramona asks, “They’ve delivered the wine, right?” because it wouldn’t be an episode of RHONY if Ramona isn’t asking about her pinot grigio. Ramona believes it’s a true “emergency” that the adult beverages haven’t gotten there yet. Before anyone has a chance to call 9-1-1, the wine and vodka arrive unscathed.

It’s Victoria’s sweet sixteen party, and there are lasers and live music and ice luges galore. Kelly waxes poetic about how “cool” Victoria is. Kelly says that if five years from now Victoria isn’t a Marc Jacobs muse or working for French Vogue, then she doesn’t know anything. Oh Kelly…you said it, I didn’t. Cindy, Kelly, Jill, and Luann dance up a storm as David Schwimmer hangs out in the dee-jay booth. Jill discusses how difficult the NYC social scene is when you get invited to big events on the same night. Her social calendar must be ridiculous seeing as both of tonight’s high society soirees are for girls who can’t even drive yet.

Jill heads to Avery’s party and someone get her napkins stat! Much like at middle school dances where the boys are on one side of the room and the girls are on the other, Avery’s party is similarly divided, but in this case it’s between her friends and her mother’s friends. Sonja is at Avery’s party, saying she chose to go the party with adult beverages. Kelly also joins the adult party and the ladies discuss both sweet sixteens. Ramona states that she would have never held Avery’s party in an actual nightclub like Luann did for Victoria, as it sends mixed messages to the teens. Kelly tries to be nice while pointing out the multiple beds at Avery’s party. I’m going to have to agree with Kelly on this one. Kelly feels sorry for Avery because Avery approaches Kelly to see if she can get the adults to go elsewhere. Poor girl has a point–this is just as much a get-together for Ramona’s friends as it is a party for Avery’s birthday. However the thought of Kelly feeling sorry for someone else’s daughter is a bit laughable.

The two parties are coming to a close. Victoria seems to have had a blast at her birthday party. Meanwhile, at Avery’s party, Simon approaches Bawby at an ice sculpture. Bawby asks Simon if he was involved in “hate blogging” against Jill. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Bawby talk this much in all the past seasons combined! Simon however denies being “actively involved” with the blog.

Next week Simon tells Jill they need to talk (about what??) while Sonja’s financial woes are mounting. Kelly dines with Alex, and Jill accuses Simon of being a cyber bully thus marking the return of Kelly’s buzzword!

Adam Corolla and Jill Zarin join Andy in the clubhouse on WWHL. Jill is quick to point out how hypocritical Ramona was to say she would have never had Avery’s sweet sixteen in a club, but yet she brought in enough pinot grigio to fill a swimming pool. The poll question is which housewife would you want as your mother? Adam says Kelly…and did I mention he’s drinking a mangria? Adam also says that if you took Adam Brody, David Schwimmer and Balkie from Perfect Strangers and threw them in a Cuisinart, you’d get Luann’s boyfriend.

Someone calls in and asks why it seems Jill talks so much behind her castmates’ backs. Jill says she is happy to get such a question…but then she doesn’t really answer it. Jill talks a lot about her fans, and Adam calls her out several times. He’s harsh about all the housewives, and it’s hilarious. The game is $100,000 Pyra Moan and neither guest is a winner. Jill admits that she and Ramona’s friendship isn’t doing well (shocker!) and that the Countess can sometimes be passive aggressive. The poll results are in, and no recount needed! Jill Zarin wins. Mazel!


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