Last night’s Jersey Shore begins where last week’s ended. Mike didn’t end up in a menage a twin, Sam and Rawn are googly-eyed and in love, and Snooks is still livid at Mike for trying to sabotage her relationship with Jionni.

The slutty twin wakes up, but her purer version wants to sleep in with Vinny. After she leaves, Vinny describes to Ronnie the tag-team/robbery that Deena pulled on him last night. They both hooked up with the “good” twin, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s just one slutty twin and MTV is using Parent Trap cloning technology.

The Situation is telling the guys about Snooki cheating on Jionni with him two months ago. Across the via, the girls are likewise gossiping about the dudes. After all the crap Mike has been talking, Snooki doesn’t want to eat Sunday dinner with him. The girls also laugh about Vinny getting Deena’s sloppy seconds in the bedroom. Not as humorous to Deena is the guys teasing her about her lady lovin’ as they prepare the family meal. She gets super mad and storms out of the kitchen. Vinny predicts it’s going to be a great dinner.


Snooki needs to clear the air with Jionni. Snooks side of the story goes something like this: Snooki’s bff, sometimes Jersey Shore visitor Ryder, hooked up with Mike’s friend in December. Mike tried to make the same lurve happen with Snooki and she politely declined. Mike got his feelings hurt and is now clearly trying to salvage his reputation by talking about what a giant ho Snooki was with him to all the roommates. Sure. I buy that (actually, I kind of do). But who cares whether I believe it, Jionni is onboard, and he can’t wait to come visit Italia and smush his orange lawn gnome. As with all great romances, Snooks can’t wait to have Jionni’s babies, burps into the phone, and Ciao Bello!

The girls wear giant floppy hats to dinner, and as The Situation says, it looks like the Kentucky Derby has had relations the Easter bunny. The tension is palpable (how many of the cast could define the term ‘palpable’?) at the table, but Deena is able to break it up with some friendly ribbing of Vinny regarding the girl they shared. Mike, clearly loving to stir the pot, brings up what a big rhymes with sock block Deena’s always been (true), and Deena dishes back that she’s only rivaled by Mike himself (also true). Things get hella awkward, and may I please be excused?

Deena is super upset that her relationship with the boys has become so hostile. The boys don’t mind the blockage, they are just sick of the drama that ensues when they tease her. So what better thing to do then pull a prank on her? The boys put Deena’s bed out into the living room, and she finds it absolutely hilarious cries herself to sleep at how mean they are being towards her.

Sammi, unusually likeable this season, comforts Deena. JWoww champions Deena, chastises Vinny and Pauly for their childish behavior, and organizes a meeting between the trio. Deena accuses Pauly of being different and he slightly flies off the handle. No, Deena, you’re different with your overly emotional behavior and your girl-on-girl hook-ups (not that he minds that in the least, mind you). Deena used to be able to roll with punches and be the ultimate guys’ girl, one of the bros, bros before hos…you get my drift. Deena agrees. She feels like now she just drinks to excess and does stupid things that she later regrets. Why yes, Deena, which is precisely why you were cast on this show. The pow-wow is a success, and the group wants to help Deena feel better about herself. Fences mended!

Deena, Pauly and Snooki head to work at the pizzeria. I feel like their boss must have lost a bet or is serving his jail sentence by overseeing the tan-nation instead of in a cell. Back at the house, Ronnie is on the phone with Hannah, yet again. Jenni doesn’t care who he talks to or what he does, but she doesn’t need Sam and Rawn drama ruining everyone’s time. And judging on the last, oh I don’t know, three seasons, I’d say she has a valid point. Back at the pizzeria, Snooki is bribing customers to buy wine and bring it to her and Deena in the restroom. What a way to make a great impression on your first day. They blame Deena’s period-oso on spending so much time locked in the bathroom. Before the work day draws to a close, Pauly D gets pooped on by a pigeon. Solid first day all around.

Rawn goes shopping for some special “for no reason” surprises for Sam. He just wants to see the smile on her face. She LOVES Rawn. Snooki and JWoww head to dinner and discuss making clay copies of their men’s male parts for these Italian dry spells. Yow. Wow. As Rawn and Sam have their first (yet again) date, Jenni asks Snooki for some advice on how to deal with Rawn’s Hannah situation.

It’s clerb time at YAB, a dope hip-hop club. Jealous Sam emerges…and let’s be honest, it was only just a matter of time. A drunk Sam approaches a drunk Rawn and it’s like watching a highlight reel of their relationship. Rawn can’t handle it, and he heads back to the casa. The Situation and Pauly are bringing home some ladies, and Rawn is on the phone with a friend from home, bitching about his situation. Sam wants to talk, but Rawn wants none of it. Pauly’s girl, who is wearing a tiara by the way, isn’t DTF, so she gathers up her friend from Mike’s room and the two head out into the night. No worries, Mike just calls up Florida State to come entertain him for an hour or two. Her response, “Why not?” Get some self-respect please, dearie!

Rawn tells Sam that he just wants to be roommates, but he can’t be her pal or her boyfriend. She gives up quickly, but not before saying that she’s been better at letting things about Rawn roll off her shoulders. Case in point? Since they’ve been in Italy, Mike has told her so much crap about Rawn’s game, and did she ever bring it up to him? No. Well, technically she is bringing it up now, but I understand what she is saying. She calmly leaves, but there’s a storm of Xenadrine brewing in Rawn’s brain. Rawn heads out to find Mike, who is dozing peacefully on a velvet chaise lounge awaiting his Seminole sleepover.

Ronnie comes bleeping up to Mike, and shoves Sammi over in Mike’s direction to tell him what Mike said to her earlier in the season. Mike plays dumb, and Rawn starts throwing Mike’s crap out of their room. All the other roommates stir, but they think it’s another Sam/Rawn smackdown and aren’t too keen on intervening. Sam tries to play referee and Mike goes into a spitting, vein-popping, crazy-eyed rage.

Next week, Mike and Ronnie get into it further, with Mike leaving on a stretcher. Sam and Rawn fall back into their same cycle of verbal abuse with Jenni begging Sam to leave (the room, not the show) to preserve everyone’s safety. It’s time to get off the roid cocktails, gentlemen!


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