On last night’s Jersey Shore, there was a guido/gorilla break up of juicehead proportions. Kuckas were flashed, tears were shed, screams were heard ’round Italia. It was pretty epic.

We rejoin the meatballs post-wreck. If Snooki thinks that this is the worst thing to happen to her while she’s in Italy, she needs only to wait a few days! Snooki gets a breathalyzer, and because she doesn’t have her license, she and Deena are being carted off by the Italian police. The guys arrive with her license just in time to see the house car being towed. The boys spend two hours in the waiting room at the station before they are able to free the meatballs.

Once home, Snooki calls Jionni to tell him of her recent escapades. Jionni tells her that Roger can’t come any more because he has to work. Snooki relays the news to JWoww, and she calls Roger very upset. It seems Roger’s leave from work has been denied. I think there has to be more to it, but I want to like the Roger I met at the shore.


Deena decides that the girls (sans Snooki) need a ladies’ night to take Jenni’s mind off her recent bad news. Jenni seems to be enjoying herself, while elsewhere the boys are breakdancing up a storm.

Home alone, Snooki freaks out while on the phone with Jionni because it’s late and the doorbell is ringing incessantly. For a second I think Jionni has arrived early to surprise her, but no, it’s slutty Florida twin Brittany. You remember…the one who actually likes hooking up with Mike? Heebie Jeebies. Stage five clinger. Brittany demands to know Mike’s whereabouts, and Snooki takes her into the interview room for a joint confessional. The ladies come home and are applauding Snooki for pulling off the ultimate prank.

The guys arrive home with the hot dog buns they have decided on for the night. Brittany is passed out in Mike’s bed while he comes back to the house with a wonder from down under. Brittany pops up from under Mike’s comforter to surprise the object of her obsession. The Situation doesn’t want to waste the time finding out if his Aussie is DTF, so he sends her packing while Brittany is stripping down to her skivvies in his bedroom. Consider that a bullet dodged and a Herpes outbreak averted, Australian chick.

Jionni is on his way to Italy, and our gal Snooks cannot figure out what to wear. Pauly D teases her that he’s just as nervous as she is. He’s mainly just excited to see what drama ensues when Jionni finds out more about her hook-out up with Deena and her alleged sexcapade with Mike. Jionni arrives and Nicole is beyond excited…to the point of happy tears.

Snooki forgoes introductions and a tour to get Jionni into the smush room as soon as humanly possible. Mike automatically starts drama by telling all the roommates it’s beyond clear that Jionni has beef with him. The Situation thinks Jionni has to know about his “thing” with Nicole. There are far too many sex scenes from the grainy smush room cam, coupled with Mike doing fake karate moves in the mirror cam. Enough violation of my eyes, I am ready for the gang to head out on the town. Rawn has been very quiet thus far, but he hits the nail on the head when he compares Snooki’s dress to a swim suit.

Mike lets the roommates know that if Jionni questions him about his hookup with Snooks, he’s going to tell him every detail. He warns the roommates to be on guard in case things between them get physical. The roommates’ only concern is when Mike will trip himself up with a Daniel-san type kick and end up in worse shape than when he head-butted the wall. Mike is convinced Jionni wants to start something, but seeing as Jionni has his tongue down Snooki’s throat, I don’t think he is too consumed with anything Mike related. Mike stares creepily, and jealously, at the couple until Snooki tells her boyfriend that her roommate is being a douche.

Uh oh. Jionni has been oblivious to Mike, and now Snooki has turned Mike into an enemy. JWoww thinks it was a stupid move on her biffle’s part. Mike just keeps creepily staring over the top of his stupid, douchey shades (um, its NIGHT TIME) with his beady little eyes. Mike feels like Rawn gave him permission to start some crap with Jionni, and as the group heads to another clerb, the Situation is getting more agitated.

Nicole starts dancing for Jionni on a lighted platform, pulling up her bathing suit dress and showing her kucka to the world. Her actions are a bit too “whorish” for her beau who angrily ducks out of the club and onto the street. For once Deena makes sense, deciding to stay out of the madness. Snooks’ stripper heels can’t seem to navigate the cobblestone alleys, and she falls flat chasing her beloved. JWoww tries to calm down her friend while Ronnie goes after Jionni to try to placate the poor dude.

Snooki is screeching in the Italian streets, drunk and falling over. Jenni tries to tell her friend that she is acting a fool and needs to stop embarrassing her boyfriend. Snooki tells Jenni that she hates her before falling over once again. Jenni, always a good friend, decides to put her anger aside and goes into the night searching for Jionni. Snooki starts taking her anger out on a cab, and I am curious as to whether Italy is going to allow any more Americans visit the country.

Nicole and Jionni remind Rawn of Sam and him last week in the early days. After several blocks, Rawn is able to catch up with Jionni and attempt to mend fences. While I’m sure Jionni appreciates Ronnie’s pep talk, he isn’t ready to go back to Nicole. Cue JWoww stumbling after him in nine inch heels. She must be the best friend ever, because she totally decides to pull a Britney Spears in the interest of timing and her ankles. Yanking off her shoes, she is able to run faster bare foot down the dirty street.

The gang finally gets Snooki into a cab where she has a full on temper tantrum, complete with tears, screaming, and kicking. Mike seems rather pleased with the Situation. Vinny tries his best to talk Nicole down off her proverbial ledge and she is finally semi-calm. He gets her to bed while Jionni takes a breather on a park bench. Poor JWoww is still frantically searching the streets for her friend’s boyfriend. Defeated, she heads home with bloody feet. Pauly D was clueless as to what happened as a catalyst. Sammi is now seeing how she and Ronnie’s fighting affected the roommates. Everyone feels heartbroken for both Snooks and Jionni.

And what better way to express sadness than to grill hotdogs and hamburgers at 4am? The gang gets their grub on while Jionni returns home. Snooki is so excited he’s back but all he wants is to be left alone. She repeatedly tells him she loves him but she hates him, screaming and crying. Poor Jionni finally lets her into the bathroom he’s hiding in, but she is too hysterical. He tells her she’s single before barricading himself back in the loo. Snooki is bawling in bed while Jionni collects his stuff and hits the road. All the guys are confused…didn’t he meet Snooki before they started dating? He knows she’s a wild drunk, right?

Next week, Snooki finds comfort in the arms of one roommate (NO VINNY!) while another roommate (so lame, Mike) professes his love to her. Jionni who?