Millionaire Matchmaker Recap: The Young And The Boring

On last night’s episode of Millionaire Matchmaker I was all ready for some crazy drama at the hands of hot, young, party-boy, commitment-phobe Sylar but instead things were very mature and genuine. Was I watching the right show? Thankfully I had Patti’s abrasive, cray-cray to remind me that I was definitely in the right place! Patti also set up a nerd who just can’t vacate the friend zone, thus getting him a little help from friend, Jenny McCarthy!

This week, Patti‘s clients are two twenty-somethings. One is nerdy internet start-up CEO Bill Clerico, who has the unfortunate disposition of being a redhead. Patti informs us “no one wants to date redheads.” Even Prince Harry? Bill is the founder of WEPAY and according to Patti, if Mark Zuckerberg can get a girl, Bill can — he’s way hotter. Hot even for a ginger. However, Bill isn’t just a ging — he’s also short, nerdy and a work-a-holic! Uh-oh! Patti wants to de-nerd him and make him see a girl as his priority instead of work.


Skylar Hauswirth is a Millionaire in Training. The 23-year-old trust fund baby and nightlife entrepreneur is blonde, blue-eyed and Jewish! Patti is drooling! She’s single (and old enough to be his mother!). Skylar’s requirements: he “can’t have a ‘Paris’”! haha! Patti will be coaching him on what to look for when he is actually ready to settle down or something (he doesn’t want a serious relationship as of now).

Patti learns Skylar has never had a girlfriend and wants a girl who looks like Brittney Spears before she shaved her head and beat up a paparazzo with an umbrella. Basically his life consists of working out and going to clubs, but he is looking for someone with a little more substance than the hot girls he meets partying. Unfortunately, he can’t commit because he’s always looking for “what’s next.” Patti advises him not to lead with arrogance and will personally land his first girlfriend.

Computer nerd Bill hasn’t let money go to his head, which is great! Patti advises him to put down the crack computer and instead of taking him from Geek to Chic, Patti wants to keep some of the nerdom (because nerds + sex appeal = husband). Rule: No technology on his date!

In order to get Bill some game Patti introduces him to her friend Jenny McCarthy! Is it wrong that being friends with Patti lowered my opinion of Jenny just a wee bit? Jenny actually started her career on a dating show you may have heard of, if you’re my age, called Singled Out! Jenny gives Bill some tips on how to reel a girl in! Apparently, all women love gossip and pop culture… ok, most of us do. I think Bill did pretty well! Jenny coaches him on a “romance novel kiss.” BTW: Was Patti’s shirt the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen or what?!

Patti’s team screens for potential matches and she warns them to be wary of “tiny man syndrome”, since both Millionaires are on the short side. Patti dejects stay at home single mom Janet for being a “trainwreck” yet admits redhead Erin, who gets a pass despite the carpet not matching the rug. Classy. Gabby is an administrative assistant who follows Patti on Twitter and that’s how she found the club. Automatic in!

Kristen from WV makes my state look bad. Ugh. Patti slips her in as a tester to see if Skylar is serious about looking for a girlfriend or just a hook-up. Then, Patti does a mammogram on another potential that is rejected for wardrobe malfunctions. Patti locates the holy grail in Jen, a hot blonde environmental activist wearing the shortest, tightest dress legally permitted in the Continental U.S. Patti makes her team scrounge for more blondes for Skylar.

The Mixer is a pool party. Patti declares it’s fun, young and feels like spring break. Yeah – cause everyone meets their spouse on Spring Break while drunk at the body shot contest! Also, what a bad idea for a mixer! I’m so sure the men will really be focusing on asking questions while boobs are in their faces. Bill starts off leading with work, but then relaxes into total nerd territory talking about cartoons and Twitter. The girls love it and he is forming connections. Patti is disappointed that Skylar is leering Ummm… Patti you threw a bikini pool party what did you expect!? Patti redirects him to “get under the hood of the car.”

Bill selects Tracy and Erin for his mini dates. Skylar, of course, picked Kristen who did not make eye contact the entire mini date and talked about her looks the entire time. Loved the perma-wedgie, K! His second mini date was with Jen, the beauty with a brain, and they hit it off much better by talking about travel and athletics. In the end, Skylar selected Jen for his Master Date and Bill chose Tracey.

Bill takes Tracy to Santa Monica Peer and starts out by giving her some silly sunglasses to break the ice. They play a bunch of boardwalk games and Tracy pretty much kicks Bill’s butt, but Bill took it like a champ and had fun with it. They grab lunch and bond over what they want for their futures. After lunch Bill and Tracy take a ride on the Ferris Wheel and Bill goes for the kiss, pretty much rejected when she returns with a closed mouth peck. Lame!

Skylar picks Jen up in his swanky vintage car and it almost doesn’t start. Oops. Their date consists of a private hot yoga lesson. Neither one of them has ever done yoga before – clearly – but they have fun with it. Skylar tries to impress her with a headstand, but he falls on her instead. Hey, that may not be so bad! Afterwards they grab lunch and get to know each other a little better – they have tons in common and neither is looking for a serious relationship right at the moment. As Jen said she isn’t headed for the altar just yet!

Both dates seem to be going really well – frighteningly well – considering the way Patti’s matches usually go.

Patti checks in with Jen who had a great time on the date, but reveals Skylar asked her out again via text! Patti is not impressed and puts them both on the spot by speaker phoning Jen while Skylar is in her office. They make plans to see the Dodgers this week. Patti rates him a C- in his progress.

Next, Patti follows-up with Tracy who decided Bill was more of a friend, especially after that peck. Patti convinces Tracy to go out with Bill again and this time he better do the “Kiss That Kills!” Patti tells him pecks are for birds and people don’t marry birds. She directs him to romance Tracy and “kiss her-kiss her” if he wants it to go anywhere.

Updates: Skylar and Jen are apparently still dating, but it’s not serious! What?! Did I read that correctly?! Patti Sanger actually made a match?! Bill visited Tracy in Vegas, but is still trapped in the friend zone. Poor Bill!

Next Week: Patti sets up a drag icon and gets drag impersonated. And can she find Mr. No-Personality a date?