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Real Housewives Of Dallas Recap: Naked And Afraid

Here we are in Copenhagen again on Real Housewives Of Dallas and everyone is still fighting. And they’re also naked and afraid of LeeAnne Locken blackmailing them with videos of their “sunny side up titties” surfacing in the Baltic Sea. Um, sounds … grocer than pickled herring if you ask me!

LeeAnne upset Brandi Redmond (again). Then there were two: Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons. Just when I thought soon there would soon only be 1 remaining after someone went down at the hands of a switchblade stiletto, D’Andra apologizes! Say what?!

Below Deck Recap: Shipwrecked!

On last night’s Below Deck the communication breakdown continued as Chandler Brooks found himself abandoning guests and Caroline Bedol pushed Chef Zen to the brink of rage that even several hours in downward dog mediation couldn’t fix. OM… gonna snap!

It’s the morning after Caroline got put in the time-out cabin to recuperate for her suspicious foot issue, and she’s feeling betterish. I mean as better as she can feel while still being singled out (and unfortunately not by Chandler!) by Kate Chastain and Josiah Carter‘s mean girl vendetta!

This time Caroline walks in on Josiah and Kate questioning if she’s possibly lying or exaggerating her injury. “I’m not lying!” Caroline insists defensively, already on the brink of hysteria.

Emily & Gina

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County it was a reversal of the status quo. The Tres Amiga’s took their party hats off to stay home in pant hose. Gina Kirschencasita celebrated her 34th birthday with a depressing party filled with tarnished sequins.

Gina is officially moving into the casita when Matt Kirschenheiter visits their kids. This makes it, like, for real you guys. It’s time for her to grow up and, like, look at the like bank statements for the first time in her entire life. Kelly Dodd, Gina’s divorce guru, helps her cart baskets full of HomeGoods throw pillows and cheap blankets to the part-time living arrangement. It’s sort of like moving into a college dorm!

Real Housewives Of Atlanta in Miami to support NeNe

So far everyone is getting along on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, and it’s super nice. There’s a genuine energy to the show this season, as if the women are making a concerted effort to put the negativity behind them. Perhaps supporting NeNe Leakes has brought them together… But for how long? This is Real Housewives of Atlanta, after all. The peace won’t last for too long.

I do hope y’all are buckled up this season because Porsha Williams is already driving us crazy with the ‘Dennis this… ; Dennis that… Did you know Dennis uses the most perfect toothbrush ever. Those bristles were too soft; my bristles were too hard, but Dennis’s bristles are just right!

Real Housewives Of Dallas Recap: No One Can Cope In Copenhagen

Whew! The ladies of Real Housewives Of Dallas know how to bring it home, do they not?! Also, I have to say I kinda like a screechy, raw, D’Andra Simmons. Classy she is not, but that bridge has already been burned and renamed in honor of Kameron Westcott.

Also, I don’t have a pantyliner on my underwear or a weave, but I’m beyond tired of The LeeAnne Locken And D’Andra Simmons Show.

Upon arriving D’Andra is cranky because she flew coach to try and prove that she’s a grownup. #FAIL On the shuttle to the hotel the champagne is already laid out and Brandi Redmond plans to spend this entire trip passive-aggressively acting like an alcoholic to teach LeeAnne a lesson. Good plan – I’m sure it won’t backfire at all! Brandi’s goal is to get so wasted at dinner she thinks LeeAnne will call her an alcoholic to her face so Brandi can confront her about the accusation, but D’Andra ruined everything! D’Andra always ruins everything according to Kameron, who actually always ruins everything.

Chandler Brooks Below Deck

Why does Below Deck always have bosun problems? It’s basically a guarantee on these shows that the third stew and the bosun will be a mess and all season everyone will be moaning and groaning over their ineptitude and bad attitude. Well, here we go again!

Caroline Bedol is the little chihuahua that can’t. Work that is. With a swollen foot giving her a sulky disposition, Caroline begs Kate Chastain for ways to work lite. Like avoiding lates. Josiah Carter barely speaks, he mostly rolls his eyes and snorts, but when he does speak he’s usually groaning, “Ugh Caroline…” He has no idea why a third stew thinks she’s in any position to complain about what hours she works.

Shannon Beador

Ugh, I am tired of talking about Shannon Beador! It’s literally the only topic of conversation on Real Housewives Of Orange County and to be honest, Shannon and her histrionic meltdowns are just not that exciting after 4 seasons of watching them. The other big thing that happened was that Vicki Gunvalson altered her face again, so woohoo! At this point how does TSA even verify her identity???

This time Vicki is having her jaw lifted so she doesn’t have saggy chinskin being that she’s in denial about looking like the grandmother she is. And also because according to Gina KirschenDOstopspeaking the second you walk through the gates of Coto you sign your life away to Botox. And probably Vicki has done so much of it, she’s now immune.

RHOA Season 11 - NeNe Leakes

Last night’s season premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta was all about Porsha Williams turning right instead of left and finding Prince Charming – aka The Hot Dog King Of Atlanta, and hopefully getting a big ol diamond ring out of it. HINT, MEGA-HINT, HINT.

As we alll know Porsha is dating Dennis, who owns several clubs in addition to The Original Hotdog Factory. “Everybody loves hot dogs!” Porsha cheers, “Especially me!” And Dennis’s wienie in particular. Porsha met Dennis at one of his clubs, then went home with him. Porsha and Dennis’s one-night stand has now turned into ring shopping. He apparently told her he loved her the first night they met. “It just feels natural and we just went with it,” she gushes.