Previously on Top Chef: Grayson gets sent home, and there was a lot of sweaty bike-riding.

We open this week’s Top Chef: Yee-Haw on last week’s cliffhanger, and surprise! Beverly is back, having cooked for her life on the web show, Last Chance Kitchen. Sarah is not happy, because Beverly is in her “own Beverly world” and she doesn’t want to go there because it’s too hot and we all know what happens when Sarah is in very warm weather.

The chefs get a doozy of a quickfire challenge, and have to shop in the pantry blind-folded, and they must use everything in their basket. What if the chefs grab some Gladware, saffron, and peanut butter? What then, Tom Colicchio!? The real issue at stake are the prizes: either a brand-new Prius, or a guaranteed spot in the final round. It’s the Sophie’s Choice of Top Chef! Sorta.


The blind-folded chefs are off, with Lindsay trying to make her way to the seafood, because she is going to prove she can cook halibut if it is the last thing she does in her life. Tom and Padma watch and giggle, and we get a tiny glimpse of Padma’Lakshmi‘s true dead voice when she pushes Beverly in another direction.

The chefs all end up doing a decent job. Sarah makes a gross-sounding combination of mushrooms and peaches, because apparently Beverly‘s presence makes her lose all reason. Tom ends up loving it, which shows how much I know, and she and Ed‘s pork-casing udon make it to the top two, with the judges picking Sarah‘s dish as the winner. Sarah picks a guaranteed spot in the finale rather than a new car, and Ed talking-heads that it shows a lack of confidence. Mushroom and peaches is as risk-taking as Sarah gets!

For this week’s elimination challenge, the chefs must cook for their celebrity chef mentors, and this makes the sleep-deprived, living a in a bubble cast members immediately start to weep as Michelle Bernstein, Tony Mantuano, Sarah Stegner, Tyson Cole, and Frank Crispo all stroll in. Lindsay talking heads that her mentor Michelle “taught us how to balance being a bad-ass and a lady.” No word if Michelle also taught her how to be a freak in the sheets and a lady on the streets.

While shopping on their $500 budget, Ed decides to use smoked oysters in a can when he discovers Whole Foods is out of real oysters, and I want to grab him through the screen and shake him. This can only spell disaster. Beverly talking heads that she has a piece of paper that says she won Top Chef, which makes me Beverly a follower of The Secret. Does her vision board include getting rid of Sarah?

Speaking of Sarah, she is getting her “juices flowing” with her mentor Tony Mantuano with shots of tequila. Let’s not even continue.

The judges and mentors meet up for the meal, and Padma lets us know it’s the last meal where the show has to constantly shill for Texas. Yay! Michelle thinks Lindsay’s cooking is an extension of herself, and that she just wants her to be happy. Tom jokes that it sounds like she’s breaking up with her, which is A VERY CURIOUS STATEMENT. I do wish Michelle had done her hair. I have similar hair, and I get it, but for television, a little Frizz-Ease won’t do, girl. You must get out the curling iron!

As I predicted, Tom hates the oysters in Ed‘s dish and everyone loves the pickles. Everyone is proud of their mentees and they get a round of applause. Sarah is somewhere else, making a voodoo doll of Beverly.

At judges’ table, Paul’s soup gets raves from everyone, with Tom telling him he had a lot of nerve “bringing that soup here” and he tells him to wipe that smirk off his face, as well. Paul wins, and finally, a good prize is on the table. Paul wins the Prius! Beverly also moves on to the final round, and starts to get into UglyCryFace (trademarked by Taylor Armstrong) before Padma sends her away.

At the bottom are Lindsay and Ed. Queen Gail questions Lindsay’s use of cream in her dish, but softens the blow by telling her that Michelle loves her. Immediately, we move on to Ed and the smoked oysters in a can. Tom gives major side-eye to this, as we all knew he would.

The judges deliberate whose dreams to ruin this week, and at this point, it’s pretty obvious that it’s Canned Oyster Boy, aka Ed. This whole episode was a huge slap in the face to him, after he lost the quickfire to Sarah, and was replaced by an already eliminated cast member. Somehow, I think Ed will survive.

Next week: The show ran out of American locations to pimp out, so now it’s time to head north to British Columbia!


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