Dancing With The Stars Partner PHOTOS Revealed!

I have to admit I love Dancing With The Stars partner photos. Oh, lord the cheese! It’s better than funnel cake at the county fair (oh which I am desperately craving right. now). And what’s better than regular DWTS photos? ALL STAR VERSIONS!

ABC just released the first batch of our favorite cheese ball professional dancers and our favorite desperately seeking a return to relevance ‘celebrities’!

Curiously, Maksim Chmerkovskiy (currently under fire for allegedly slapping former partner Hope Solo during last season’s rehearsals) and Kirstie Alley‘s photo is missing for the bunch! Kiristie tweeted: “We haven’t shot ours yet..We shoot next week..:) been gone”

Also, ABC is still stringing us along for who will be the lucky 13th dancer. I just heard a rumor that Kate Gosselin was added to the mix! Just kidding… but who doesn’t crave another dose of her insane bitchiness and the gossip that surrounds it?

Behold the glamour below! Let’s get judgey, shall we.

[Photo Credits: ABC.com]

CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE PHOTOS! Appolo & Karina: I don’t even know what to say about this. HE: Is dressed like the purple people eater and looks like he’s suffering from wicked hangover puffy face. SHE: Is Karina. And seems wary about getting too close. Also her expressions says: “You smell like vomit.”

Emmitt & Cheryl: SHE: Take Me! You big strong man. Lemme feel that NFL butt! HE: Ok, if you insist! Also, Cheryl’s costume is straight up hooker bordello. Whew!

Pamela & Tristan: HE: I’m scared. Mrs. Slutinston may devour me. SHE: Hold me! Why is she dressed so conservatively? And why does she look like this is a low-budget porno where she is rescued from evil by the dancing stud’s high kicks? SO many questions about her in this photo…

Kelly & Val. Hot sexy pants! This is straight off of a romance novel cover and I love it. SHE: Looks outrageously good; slightly soap opera evil vampira, slightly sex kitten. HE: Is loving every minute of it and keeping her warn with his dastardly breath.

Joey & Kym. This is like that high school prom photo pose where the guy is always tentatively resting his hands on the girl’s hips from behind. SHE: Looks good and is playing the part. Imagine if the prom queen was wearing this?! HE: Can’t believe his luck and needs to go on a diet.

Melissa & Tony: SHE: Only has one facial expression: Pageant Smile. But, she’s so pretty I’ll forgive her. HE: I forgot he was there.

Shawn & Derek: HE: Needs to stop smelling her hair and thinking about how it reminds him of his gay lover someone. Also, a porn stach?  SHE: Is creeped out, very, very wee, and one step away from yelling ‘Get him away!’ Too many memories of gymnastics training camp, perhaps? This photo is 100% icky.

Drew & Anna: Another promo photo pose – this time with uuber cheesy smile! SHE: Is wearing Big Bird’s stolen feathers dyed blue. HE: Is as boring as white bread. Get some spunk, you! Also, man costumes suck.

Helio & Chelsie: Awkward slow dance moment! This is like awkward family photos where your parents decide to take ballroom lessons and get their photo snapped. No chemistry! SHE: Looks like she’s doing him a favor. HE: Is happy just to be there. Perpetually.

Gilles & Peta: Hot sexy times! SHE: Is killing it! The dress, the expression, the evil Russian mistress eyes. HE: Bedroom eyes sexy pants.

Bristol & Mark: Ok, seriously – TV people need to stop trying to make Bristol happen. She’s like “Fetch!” We don’t care and it’s not working. SHE: Looks better than last time she competed – considerably less puffy and I imagine no one will be spreading pregnancy rumors. HE: Is adorable and she is bringing him down. Love the shoes Markie!