$2000 shoes – check! Fur chubby – check! Assistant that treats you like the queen you wish you were – check! Coffee as food replacement – oh, you know CHECK! Celebrity clients willing to look ridiculous at your behest – check! Husband that foresakes any of his interests to accommodate your wardrobe and fashion whims – CHECK, CHECK, CHECK! Baby Fashionista as your best accessory – check again!

Aaaahhh… they're just Rachel Zoe's Top Ten Fashion Must Haves. Number one on the list is actually unlimited bank account. 

The Rachel Zoe Project bitchtress recently shared her fashion mandatories with BravoTV and it's a long list of um… things we all could live without. Ok, just kidding I actually need them all. Hopefully Rachel will buy them for me. Behold Rachel's list is below! 


1. Hangover Shields. I attend A LOT of fashion parties. Free champagne! Sunglasses 

2. Wrinkles. Bitch, starvation has it's drawbacks but at least I'm a size 00. Cocktail Ring

3. Hair Weave. Again, sometimes my hair falls out. What? Rogaine doesn't always work. Statement Necklace

4. Why the EFF am I on the phone?! Where's my assistant! I pay 47 people to talk to these annoying like people things on the phone! Ankle Boots. 

5. Dress That Doubles As Emergency Landing Apparatus. I got caught in a mother effing windstorm because I had to leap from the plane cause I was late and needed time to stop at Starbucks. I held Oscar hostage while he made this parachute into a dress in six minutes. BANANAS, right?!. Ugh – those have too many calories. Metallic Pumps. 

6. Flabby boobs are always in. I was totally asleep and left the house in my nightgown. SHUT UP I STILL LOOK GOOD. I'm THIN! Cape or Poncho to hide non-existent arm fat.


7. Do these sunglasses hide my post surgery puffy face. Also, I don't think this WW Points Counter App is working – it says a FF latte is 3 WHOLE points! WHO the EFF do they think I am? Jessica Simpson!?!?! Leggings. 

8. My eye is twitching because you imbeciles annoy me. I told them to paint this coat with CHANEL STARRY NIGHT not spray paint it black!! Trench Coat. 

9. I will choke you with this bow if you steal my front row seat at Fashion Week. I haven't eaten all month and Rodger made me sleep with him last night – do not tempt me. Tuxedo Vest

10. OF COURSE I AM WEARING A TIARA WITH A TENT. I AM the queen of fashion, you idiots. And if that Victoria Beckham tries to say she is one more time I will cut a bitch with a Hermes cuff and burn all her Chanel Leather leggings. Jacket. 

So there you have it – must haves! 

[Main Photo Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/ All Other Photos Credit of]