Big Rich Texas Recap: Relationship Woes And Texas Hoes

DeAynni Hatley takes her role as the Big Rich Texas club social chair very seriously. Her latest idea is archery lessons. For good measure, she adds, "Welcome to Texas, Bitches." 

Bonnie Blossman and Melissa Poe declare their love for archery and dish about Cindy Davis. Bonnie and Melissa do not understand why Leslie Birkland has become such good friends with Cindy. A few of the daughters, Alex, Shaye, and Maddie, also enjoy the archery lesson. Maddie asks Alex why her mom isn't there. Alex says Cindy is out to lunch with Leslie, adding that her mom wants her to be independent. Shaye pretty much says her mother smothers her. Melissa, Maddie's mom, is a nice middle. 

Moving on to Leslie and Cindy's lunch date, Leslie welcomes Cindy to the crazy club. Talking about Cindy and Bonnie's blow up at the BBQ, Cindy thinks Bonnie only lost her cool because someone was talking to her husband. Leslie says that Bonnie once told her she keeps Jason at home as much as possible so no other women can hit on him. Leslie warns Cindy, "Bonnie is going to come after you again." Leslie's couch confessionals (well, her normal conversations, too) drive me nuts. There's something about her voice and scripted lines that irk me.

DeAynni hires a PR company to help her launch Texas Diva Remodeling and Construction. The first order of business… branded cocktails. Of course. The company suggests a logo and launch party, also. DeAynni says, "This Texas Diva launch party is going to be the event of the year." Is it just me or does she say that about every party she organizes?


Whitney Whatley and Nikki Walker, new besties, shop and talk boys. Considering Nikki and her boyfriend Adam have been together for a year and a half and they're not even living together, she's jealous of Whitney's quick-moving relationship with Booger. On the couch, Whitney says, " I don't know why Adam won't move in with Nikki. I mean, they've been together for over a year. That is, like, an eternity." Whitney and Nikki plan a double date, hoping Booger's relationship ways rub off on Adam.

Real-Time Update: Are Whitney And Booger Engaged?

Maddie visits Kalyn at the ranch. Kalyn immediately starts to complain about getting horse poop on her boots. I bet that never happened at the cupcake shop. Just sayin'. Maddie suggests maybe Kalyn shouldn't dress so cute to shovel poop. Kalyn explains, she doesn't want to look like poop while she shovels poop. Fair enough, but she doesn't need to look like a slut, either. Again, just sayin'. To make the job more interesting, Kalyn vows to work her way through the hot cowboys at the ranch. It's good to have goals in life. 

Bonnie goes to Whitney's place to help her study. I think their exchanges are so cute. Bonnie says, "I'm so proud of my little pumpkin for not causing a big scene at the BBQ." Whitney, "But I did go up to Kalyn." Bonnie, "Yeah, but you didn't throw things or choke a bitch. You were good." Whitney, "There's a first time for everything." Bonnie, as proud as can be, "Her's growing up." Mom and daughter go back to studying, and we go to Maddie and Alex at the club. Maddie gossips about Kalyn's slutty ranch attire. When Alex and Maddie need to leave for a volleyball game, Alex catches a ride with Maddie because Cindy isn't there to bring her.

Shaye and DeAynni attend the girls' game. DeAynni is upset to learn Cindy doesn't attend Alex's games. DeAynni decides to cheer for Alex. She FULLY COMMITS herself to being Alex's cheerleader. She's borderline insane. At one point, she tells Alex to snap her wrists better and get low… get low… hip shimmy… get low. Right then, I would have tunneled my way to China. Shaye tells DeAynni that she's embarrassing and doesn't get slapped. Two points for Shaye. 

Breaking newsOh snap! Kalyn got fired from the ranch for being a hoe.

DeAynni drives Alex home so she can harass Cindy. On the couch, DeAynni says, "I like Cindy. I think she's a lot of fun, but the fact of the matter is, she's just not the most involved parent." DeAynni asks Cindy if she's coming to Alex's game the next day. Cindy says no. She has a lot to do. You know, because her shopping career keeps her super busy. Cindy asks, "Are you, like, calling me a bad parent?" DeAynni insists she is not, which is good, because, really?!? Right or wrong, DeAynni needs to work on her own parenting skills before she attempts to help (or pass judgment on) someone else. 

DeAynni says she's just looking out for Alex. Cindy is like, "Girl, I'm bussssyyy. Those moms have nothing better to do." Cindy looks disgusted at the mere thought of attending a game and adds, "I mean…. seriously!"

DeAynniBonnieMelissa, and Connie Dieb sit, drink, and chat. Bonnie tells them that Kalyn went to Booger's shop to talk about getting her "hoo haa" pierced. Melissa tells Maddie she needs to talk some sense into Kalyn before everyone calls her a slut. Maddie is like, too late. Leslie's parenting (or lack there of) is under attack, and then DeAynni starts in on Cindy again.

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Leslie's son Spencer visits from Seattle. Kalyn makes her move on kinda brother number two. Tyler is totally jealous.

Meanwhile, Cindy takes Alex and Maddie out to dinner. After Cindy learns about Kalyn slutting up the ranch and being fired, she lectures the girls… no dating, no sex, no piercings, pursue a career (which is rich, no pun intended, coming from her). Alex begs her mom to stop. Instead, she gets personal, points to Maddie, and says, "Her mom let her have six piercings and she lost her virginity." 

Whitney and Booger and Nikki and Adam double date. When asked about moving in with Nikki, Adam says, "If I ever move in with a girl, it's going to be the girl I'm going to marry." And… Nikki isn't that girl? Awkward. After the date, Whitney encourages Nikki to break up with Adam. 

Are you ready for the event of the year? The Texas Diva Remodeling and Construction party, where there is NO shortage of alcohol or gossip, is underway. Bonnie wears a hard hat and tool belt. Nikki tells Whitney that she and Adam broke up. Whitney and Nikki agree, men are stupid. Melissa tells Cindy that DeAynni is going around telling everyone that she is a bad mom. Cindy says, "That's bullshit.  I'm going to handle this right now." Melissa holds her head like OMG, I didn't mean for this to happen… yeah right. Cindy approaches DeAynni and yells, "I just became friends with you, and you're already starting shit about me! My daughter is a straight A student and top ten of her class. My daughter did not do that on her own." DeAynni demands, "This is not the time nor the place. We'll talk about this later. Have another drink." Then, she walks away. 

DeAynni manages to avoid a scene with Cindy, but there's another storm brewing between Whitney and Kalyn. Whitney calls Kalyn a slut and all hell breaks loose. Leslie walks up and asks what's going on. Kalyn says, "Oh, she says I open my legs for every body." Leslie whines, "I don't think so. This is ridiculous." Whitney tells Leslie, "She f**king got fired from her scooping shit job for opening her legs." Kalyn insists, "Half of that isn't true." Leslie turns her attention to Bonnie. Bonnie says she's staying out of it, like they agreed they would, and tells Leslie to "get the f**k over it." Booger's name comes up and Whitney throws her glass to the ground. It shatters. Not to be outdone, Kalyn grabs a glass of her own (or maybe a pitcher because her glass splatter is bigger). Whitney and Kalyn scream at each other until Leslie drags Kalyn away. 

So far, the only thing Texas Diva Remodeling and Construction has built is drama.


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