The Rachel Zoe Project Recap Fancap: Fur Hats = Fashion Xanax

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Last night on The Rachel Zoe Project, Rachel Zoe faced her critics, struggled with buyers over Maxi dress madness, continued her journey to actually understand what her husband does within her company and used a fur hat as fashion Xanax.

The episode starts in New York on the terrace; Rachel and Rodger are having a breakfast whilst basking in the glory of her successful show. Rachel starts complaining she hasn’t slept in like 3-4 weeks because she has been so stressed about her show. Rachel may have forgotten that most moms also suffer from a lack of sleep, it’s not just something for fashion designing moms.  Rachel is procrastinating reading her reviews, and after some encouragement from Rodger she takes the plunge. She is pleased with the response and annoyed at her husband’s Goosebumps.

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Back at Rachel’s studio, Mandana has a meeting with Nordstrom buyers about the line. Rachel doesn’t like being at these meetings because she feels having the designer there puts pressure on the buyers. She isn’t wrong! She instead likes to pop in and out for 5 minutes. Rachel uses those 5 minutes to put on the pressure talk like a product disclaimer at the end of a commercial, rambling about her collection like an egg timer is about to buzz and stop her! When she finally comes up for air, she brings up her Maxi dresses & skirts. Nordstrom doesn’t seem to have the same passion about the Maxi range as her Maxi Majesty Rachel.

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The buyers burst Rachel’s Maxi infused bubble by informing her that Maxi’s are not something that everyone wants. Rachel looks as though she has been knocked over with a feather and abruptly informs the buyers that in her opinion, wearing Maxis are just how the cool girls dress. And I made a mental note to buy a Maxi so I could be cool too. She instantly forgets her aforementioned statement about making buyers feel pressured by threatening joking that if they don’t pick up her skirt she will be upset. #SmoothBusinessSwagger. After Rachel leaves, Mandana reveals that the meeting didn’t go as well as she had hoped. Emotional manipulation just ain’t what it used to be.

Rachel and Rodger arrive at DreamDry Salon. Rachel is freaking out over her salon's development – or lack thereof.  Rachel announces that her salon is the opposite of done… like soooo totally NOT done. Pass this woman a dictionary ASAP so she can learn more descriptive words immediately. Somewhere in her brain Rachel is planning a boho chic hardhat and hammer combo that will alleviate her stress levels with this construction mess. Rachel starts complaining about how she can’t wrap her head around the construction and I instantly become fearful and excited to see Mandana’s expression. Hard work to Mandana = aneurysm face and stomach ulcer complaints. Rodger mimics his wife, like a good parrot complaining that he is concerned not only about the construction but also how little he knows about the goings on within the company. I am starting to get nervous as to why and how Rodger is the President of Rachel Zoe but actually knows literally nothing about her ventures. #Confused…#ButNotAsConfusedAsRodger

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Rachel’s office is literally my idea of heaven #Die&GoToShoeHeaven #TakeMeNow. And suddenly like Rachel knew what I was thinking she reveals that although Rodger is El Presidente she has no clue what he even does within her company now there’s a lady who went to business school!

Rachel is stressed and not because the buyers couldn’t jump on board Maxi Madness, but because of her bangs. Of course. Her bangs are confusing her and she is scared to look in a mirror because her bangs could be doing weird things. I started picturing her bangs turning into Medusa like snakes, and then I thought better of it because we all know Rachel could find a way to rock snake bangs. Mandana comes to the rescue & assures her Maxi Majesty that she would never let another fellow bang wearer walk around in public with bad bangs. Girls with bangs are a part of a secret sisterhood and they look out for each other. #BangSistersForLife… Maybe that’s why Rodger grew his hair, he wants to be in the sisterhood?

Rodger is now complaining to one of Rachel’s ever-patient assistants how tired he is and how crazy his schedule has been. What the hell is he tired from? I am with his wife on this one, what in the world does he do? He can’t even babysit Skyler because he prefers Rachel.. #MommysBoy. We then discover that Rachel actually employs people to watch Rodger unwrap photo frames and listen to him talk about dogs, bachelor parties and when he used to work.  Snaps to Rachel, if I had the ca$h I’d totally employ people to call my friends and listen to their problems, too.  Somewhere Rachel is laughing ‘better you than me!” and that employee is downing tequila before her shift to make it through the day. Was there bubble wrap on the photos at least? She could pop it really fast and drown out the sound of his voice…

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Lauren meets with Mandana & tells her that like Nordstrom, the boutique buyers aren’t feeling the Maxi dresses. Lauren is petrified to tell Rachel her signature looks aren’t being picked up, while Mandana is scared that a Rachel meltdown is imminent.  Lauren was right to be concerned; one minute into being the bearer of bad news, Rachel has taken to the floor, demanding to know what is wrong with her maxi dress.  Her Maxi Majesty then declares that the buyers are committing fashion bullshit and its off with their heads. Way to handle rejection!

Rachel puts her thinking fur hat on for inspiration. I think it’s kind of like how a blankie is to an infant. Rachel likes a moose on her head instead of a blankie. Rachel is conflicted because she doesn’t want to stop designing pieces that represent her dream but she obviously needs to be market appealing, and then something amazing happened. She was rational. No I totally am serious, I think the fur hat may be magic, and now I want a moose hat, too! Rachel puts things into perspective and realizes things aren’t all that bad. She will just try again, and when life knocks you off the magic moose you just climb back on and try again! #MagicHat

And now the moment arrives where Rachel reveals what Rodger actually does for her company as El Presidente! And apparently without Rodger they would be bankrupt because Rachel likes shopping and spending all their money way too much. If she had her way I guess Rachel would be sleeping in a bed made from haute couture garments and shrieking with a maniacal laugh from the sheer joy of falling into an unstoppable shopping frenzy.

Rodger tells Rachel they don’t have the budget for her to have all the furnishings she wanted in the salon. A determined Rachel tells Rodger, what makes her salon better from others are the furnishings & they would still be having them regardless of price. Once again I am back at square one. If Rodger’s job is to reign in his wife’s spending he should totally be on employment probation! I secretly love when a woman puts a man in his place when it comes to shopping #RodgerYouAmateur! #1pointRachel!

Eileen is getting everything Rachel ready for the fashion shoot with Karmin. Rachel arrives and so does the mysterious magic fur hat. I think the hat has grown. The musicians arrive and Rachel is in her styling element, everything is #Maj, #Everything and #Dope so I guess we are retiring #Bananas and #I Die.. le sad.. Moment of silence.

And with that, the musical fur hat game begins and everyone is wearing this damn magic hat except me and then I spot Mandana, sitting on a couch.  I want her job! Mandana pushes Amy and Nick to start rapping and they try to decline, citing that they need to rest their vocals, but now Rachel starts steam rolling explaining she can only sing nursery rhymes.  Nick and Amy take pity and bust out rapping! They were fun and awesome.  You could just tell that Rachel secretly wanted to learn how to freestyle rap that quickly for her next 5 minute pop in and out buyer meeting, so she could cram as much talking as humanly possible in a 5 minute window #BewareNextSeasonBuyers!

It’s the next day and it’s the Karmin video shoot & we have a runaway sweater – I repeat a brown sweater has escaped and fled the video shoot. Chaos, drama, panic and potential tears to follow. Eileen is freaking out because she doesn’t want to let Rachel down.  I think the magic fur hat was working in full force because Veronica becomes the hero.  She has apprehended the missing brown sweater and what do you know, Rachel decided to go with the blue one anyway – because it’s like so totally maj.

Fancap Author: Gina P.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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