Married To Medicine Recap: Relevant Vs. Irrelevant


So Quad Webb-Lunceford got the 'Toya-Treatment' from her old friend Mariah Huq. Are we surprised? Tell me you're not surprised. I mean it wouldn't be Married To Medicine without a drunken Mariah getting her purse-whack on, would it? Too bad the cameras weren't rolling this time! 

Mariah is hung-over sick in bed after a traumatic late-night encounter with Quad. While she's in bed Aydin prepares some feel-better soup for mommy except Aydin cuts himself opening the can and gets blood everywhere. Mmmm… yummy! And sanitary. While his gushing finger is bleeding all over the granite he dispatches some kid to stir the soup on the stove while their daughter whacks her head on the fridge. The mess that is Mariah reaches far and wide. 

As Mariah eats, (Mariah feasting on the blood of others seems apt, right), she complains that a harrowing experience with Quad has left her unable to attend Toya Bush-Harris' upcoming party. Across town where Puppy Couture reigns supreme, Quad rouses from bed to fill Dr. G in on her run-in with MEriah. 


Apparently it went a little something like this: Quad in restaurant/bar with the intent to talk to Mariah realizes Mariah is "drunk boots" too drunkboots to stand up. Drunk and slurring boots. But she is coherent enough to whack Quad repeatedly on the back, grab her arm, and hiss that she made her relevant, bitch! Quad, does not bother mincing words. She responds, "F–k you, Bitch."

Mariah is loud and wild, so she is escorted – shoeless! – outside by security. Yaaaaaas! Mariah, Queen Bee, forgot to mind her manners and was on the sidewalk drunk boots-less! Quad furious, flings Mariah's purse across the table to a friend so she can give it to Mariah outside where Mariah is being talked down by security. Except the friend misses the catch (Bravolympics material Quad is not) and the purse clatters to the floor and the whole restaurant pauses and begins a whirling-dervish of gossip about Quad and Mariah's antics. Anyway, Quad and Mariah are no longer friends. 

Dr. Gregory is not impressed. He's pretty appalled that Quad sunk to Mariah's level and was making a scene. Quad gets furious all over again that Dr. Gregory is not supportive, but instead is focused on the fact that she yelled "F-you, B!" in public and flung a purse. Quad argues that Miss Drunk-riah was the one causing a ruckus and being hauled out of STK with her weave crooked. Mariah's weave is bad this season, no? Looks cheap. Dr. G promises to listen and not judge. 

On the other side of town Dr. Jackie Walters visits Lisa Nicole Cloud. Lisa explains how she is fabulous (aren't they all), rich (aren't they all), and beautiful (she can have that). All that is wrong in Lisa's life is that her doctor hubby cannot dance. Lisa turned a pyramid scheme multi-level marketing business into a success and used to the proceeds to start a fashion line. Dr. Jackie comes over to sample the wares so she can choose something for her 50 Shades of Pink benefit. Dr. Jackie looks amazing, but I don't think Lisa Nicole's clothes are anything to get excited about. Let's be frank: Lisa Marie only interests me because Dwight Eubanks is her main accessory. I love me some Dwight and his ever-mutating silly putty nose. 


Dr. Jackie then does some doctor duty followed by a visit from Dr. Heavenly Kimes. Oh Dr. Heavenly… please ask the lord Jesus to bless you with some better hair and some self-reflection. She brings Miss Georgia Plus with her to Dr. Jackie's so they can discuss all the ways in which Dr. Jackie wronged these ladies with her comments about weight. 

Dr. Jackie apologizes to Miss Georgia Plus for her conduct and comments. Then she turns her attentions to Heavenly who spouts off about Dr. Jackie does not know the error of her extreme rudeness and needs to grovel at her feet. Frankly I was confused.

Dr. Jackie seemed like she wanted to burst out laughing, but instead tries to reason with Heavenly, who gets loud, and ends by saying, "I got to go baaaay-bay. Bye baaayby". Dr. Jackie wonders if she entered the twighlight zone and calls Simone Whitmore for reassurance. "Don't mess with cray-cray," advises Simone. Amen! 


Toya is throwing a birthday party for her two-year-old son. And because he's TWO this justifies spending thousands. Eugene put her on a $1000 budget, but Toya decided she needs to hire a carnival and spent that on one ride! Toya's mother and step-father are in town and they question her about her spending. Toya claims it's justified – she needs to do it right because her son only turns 2 once. "But can you afford it?" her step-father asks again. Budget – what's that?!

The party is of course over-the-top ridiculous, because Toya is ridiculous and desperate to impress. She invited all the ladies but only Heavenly, Kari (who is dressed like she's going to the club), and Lisa Nicole (plus Dwight) attend.

Immediately upon walking into the party Heavenly starts lecturing Toya on managing money. According to Heavenly, if Toya keeps spending wastefully her kids are gonna be on those food stamp-y things that come on the plastic card the government pays for! While that may be true – Heavenly has no place inserting her opinions or lecturing Eugene and Toya on their finances during their party. I mean, isn't that the same as Dr. Jackie counseling Miss Plus at Toya's bowling party? Maybe Dr. Jackie needs to get loud in Heavenly's office… 


Toya, of course, ignores the money talk and takes the time to tell everyone how Simone freaked out on her when she confronted her about Eugene. Toya wants an apology, but instead she got a meltdown. She speculates their must be something going on at home for Simone to get so riled up. Maybe Toya should call her friend and ask if things are OK, but nahhhh. 

Speaking of drama, Lisa Nicole shares that Quad and Mariah got into it at STK. And Mariah was escorted out! Toya is not surprised, knowing from experience and all, "This is a recurring theme with Mariah," she says. "If Quad isn't exempt – nobody's safe." Watch it girls! Keep your frienemies close!

Dr. Eugene breaks up the gossip brigade so the real reason for the money waste can be addressed: singing happy birthday. Toya got knocked in the head with a basketball – even that didn't knock some sense into her – she seems to have forgotten Avery was even there let alone that it was his birthday. He cries over the cake. Memories. Money-wasting memories!


Quad skipped the party to bond with Dr. Gregory, who pulls out his guitar and tries to get a Bravo single. Quad retaliates by pulling out a copy of "Love Languages" and asking Dr. G if he's read the book and remembers what her love language is. He bumbles through some recitation, Quad again feels disrespected and complains that they're not communicating. Ya think! Dr. G picks up the guitar again. His out of tune singing is no one's love language – more like divorce language! 

Simone is forced to film with Mariah goes out to dinner with Mariah and Aydin where she learns all about the altercation with Quad. To hear Mariah tell it Quad is an ingrate who turned on her creator. Mariah denies being drunk or insulting or out-of-control and is outraged that Quad threw her Celine bag across a restaurant. "She treated me like a dog!" Mariah huffs. Apparently everyone is ganging up on Mariah to make her look bad. Uh-huh.

m2m-simone Dr. Simone, however, knows she's hearing a heavily edited version of events that leaves out the truth. "I'm getting a very short version of the story," Simone explains. Well that's Mariah – apparently she believes if she made you relevant, she can make you irrelevant. Naaaaaah

[Photo Credits: BravoTV]