Million Dollar Listing Miami Recap: High-Dollar Delusions

Sam confronts a delusional client

Last night on Million Dollar Listing Miami the agents dealt with delusional clients (and co-listers). 

Sam DeBianchi is struggling to unload Gil Dezer's penthouse because every single agent in all of Miami (and in some cases the world) is shouting like a Greek Chorus that it's overpriced. Sam finally seeks advice from Chris Leavitt about what to do. Chris takes Sam to "kangoo", ala running around in moon shoes. It reminded me of something I'd see on Spaceballs. Unfortunately Sam's bouncing boobs were even distracting the gay guy. (Seriously who doesn't wear a sports bra to work out?!)!

Chris advises Sam to confront Gil and her co-lister Rachel about the need for a price reduction and if it doesn't work out, withdraw from the listing. Sam explains that Gil is basically delusional – comparing his out-dated penthouse to what's being built now in terms of value. This is so weird to me – this Gil is supposed to be a famous real estate developer but he's so clueless about pricing his own property and how the market works?


Rachel is really offended by Sam's proposition and insists she can still sell it at $9 mill no matter what the other agents are saying. Sam and Rachel go talk to Gil, where he yells at them for not doing enough work or reaching out to the right people, but Sam holds firm and suggests dropping the price to $7.9 because at least they'll get showings. Rachel grovels at Gil's feet and begs him to let her list solo where she promises to sell it. Sam ultimately quits the listing. She is le sad – and her sad panda eyes are already super droopy sad – so she looks ultra basset-y sad because she lost a huge listing, her in with the big money Miami market, and a friend. Aaaahhh… nobody needs a friend with such amateur cakey mascara.

Chad Carroll finally manages to get his open house on Palm Island after his co-agent (and home owner) Stacy canceled last minute the week before. He's hired strippers – oh, excuse me go-go dancers – wearing pasties to pose awkwardly on platforms (Who does he think he is – Carlton Gebbia?!) while the open house, aka house party, takes place. Afterwards Chad takes all the attendees to the owner's club, Mansion. Apparently the pasty patrol works there. 

After a lot of showings where Chad talked up Palm Island, while admitting the house is basically a gut, he gets an offer for $3.2. He's insulted, but convinces the agent to come up to $3.55 all cash, 15 day close because there's no other inventory in that price range. Unfortunately the owner has a tantrum when he hears he's not getting $4 mill. He believes location can overcome even an outdated cherry and granite kitchen. I mean, the buyer's will get the ambient noise of the Miami-Dade highway included. 

After storming out, pouting and crying, his trophy wife and Chad's co-agent, Stacy, convinces her hubby that walking away with $3+ million cash is a pretty sweet deal – and the best he's gonna get. They have a deal. And Chad has already landed another listing in the exclusive Palm Island.

Chris is wooing Boca Raton's top agent Senada. She's cornered the market on the rich snowbirds who need to liquidate before relocating to assisted living. Senada landed an exclusive and fabulous penthouse designed by "motialite" and architect Campion. Chris feels it's the opportunity to convince Miami residents to move down the beach where they can get fabulous properties for less money, so he is co-listing to bring those buyers in. 

Chris wants to list for $20 million, but Senada – practically – holds firm at $13.9. They disagree again over planning the open house. Senada envisions a bikini contest, Chris envisions white gloves and a piano lounge. Chris caves to Senada after sobbing into his hands because an opportunity for a classy party has been missed. Senada's idea was tacky – she actually thinks the buyer of this minimalist jewel will be a single guy. Um… no. 

Senada should have listened to Chris because next week it looks like Chad's ladies of the night and their pasties decided to take their services to Ocean Drive where they were told MTV Spring Break was filming. 

You know, Chris is the only engaging character on this show. The other two  – eh. Especially the awkward just sleep with each other get over it tension between Sam and Chad. Bravo should have hired Senada

[Photo Credit: Bravo]