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On this week’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, James Harris and David Parnes have been showing their $48m listing, Faring, around the clock. There is not one offer on the table, so they are now considering a price reduction. Hmmm…you don’t say?! They are now off to see a new property estimated at only a measly $10m. The owner and developer, Tomer, show the Brits a newly constructed 9300 sq. ft. modern home with stellar views and a Las Vegas style pool.   Is it just me or are all these modern properties starting to look the same?   I must admit that I can envision throwing some awesome pool parties there. Though, I’d have to binge party like Lindsay Lohan as this guy only wants to lease it for…drum roll, please….one month!!! WTH?? Tomer said they could discuss selling later after he sees how it goes with the lease.   I’m confused. He doesn’t want to sell? He might want to sell? It’s anybody’s guess, but they do agree to $47k for the one month lease. They arrived at this figure as the list price had to have a “7” in it. His lucky number. Not to mention some major OCD going on there. More on that later.

Josh Altman and his sidekick, Mikey, are scoping out a mid-construction property in the Hollywood Hills.   Josh wants to find out who he can contact in order to get the listing. He has Mikey dress up like a construction worker to take a closer look. Poor Mikey. Always doing the dirty work for him. Even Josh admitted that his ‘mini-me’ intern who would supposedly do anything for him, wouldn’t do it. Mikey is able to get the contact information. Such a good sport. And, yes, we will pretend that there is nothing abnormal about carrying a construction worker costume around in your Porsche.

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Josh Flagg meets up at the home of family friends, Fran and Rick Solomon. They are joined by their son, Matt, and another family friend, Perry, who apparently never turns down a free meal. This must be an inside joke, but now the cat is out of the bag that he is a known freeloader. The dinner is both a mix of business and pleasure as the Solomons mention that they want to downsize from their spacious home.   With a budget of $5m, Josh has his work cut out for him as the couple want different things. She wants move in ready and lots of privacy. He wants a gut job with city views.

James and David decide that lounging poolside on a hotel rooftop is the perfect and most professional place to conduct business. Maybe if you are ‘in the industry’, as Josh Altman likes to say. James has removed his coat for this meeting, while David has taken off both his jacket and shirt. This, I did not need to see! I’m sure the girls sunbathing nearby were wondering who these wankers were as well. The Brits take their high pitch squeals to a new level and are going batsh*t crazy discussing the strategy of their one month lease property. ‘We’ll schedule back to back showings and create buzz!’ Yeah, that’s what we’ll do! We are geniuses! We get it – you want to secure that coveted developer relationship, but do you really need two agents working on a one month lease? Especially when you have another $48m property still sitting on the market. I’m sure that client will not be amused. Altman would tear them a new one.

Josh Flagg starts the Solomon home search by taking the wife out alone. Agents Marty and Jasmine show them a rustic 4000 sq. ft. 1938 Spanish style home for $5.2m. The property sits on a little over an acre but does not have any views. Aside from the hideous red bridge to the River Kwai over the pool, an artist studio with bizarro paintings, as well as some other gaudy finishes sprinkled throughout, this home is a contender. Fran sees the potential that might appeal to her husband.

Josh Altman is able to track down the owners’ representative of the mid-construction Hollywood Hills property. Jourdan, the rep, shows him the unfinished 7500 sq. ft. home as well as the artist renderings of what it would look like completed with all the bells and whistles, i.e., wine cellar and living roof. The latter is pretty cool in a sea of all that modernity. He tells Josh that the seller is motivated to unload the property ‘as is’. Given the comps in the neighborhood and its stunning city views, Jourdan agrees to sell it ‘off market’ for $11m. He is impressed that Josh has done his homework and discovered the property.

Josh Flagg takes Fran to see a completely renovated property with both privacy and city views, ticking all of her want boxes. Agent Kelly shows them around the rustic red retreat listed at $4.75m. The house has a very distinct style with vintage kitchen appliances, beamed ceilings and other barn-like finishes, which Josh says makes him ‘feel like he is in a treehouse’. Fran loves the private driveway, the landscaping and move-in readiness that this property has to offer. Husband, Rick, will not be so enamored.

The Brits back to back showings of Tomer’s property is now underway. And who is the first person to walk through the door, but none other than Martin, the Martin from RHOB! What does this guy do??!! Inquiring minds want to know! Apparently, he is another one of those ‘sellers’ representatives’, which I am now seriously considering as a second career. Seems pretty lucrative. Tagging along with Martin is his client John, whose face looks very familiar to the boys. David has an ‘aha!’ moment when he realizes that John is the ‘toe-sucking’ guy to (former) Duchess Sarah Ferguson, ex-wife of the Prince Andrew. Yes, that toe-sucking guy of that toe-sucking scandal. Where do they find these people??!! Before the end of their showing, another agent and client show up at the door. The Brits evil and genius plan of creating buzz on the home is working!!

Josh Altman is in full-on private showing mode of the mid-construction property. He first meets with a chick in ridiculously high Christian Louboutin pumps, which are completely inappropriate for touring this construction site. She purrs out some nonsensical lines about liking how expensive the home is and how ‘every good woman likes good things’. The whole scene is so preposterous – I feel like we are getting played by another out of work Los Angeles actor. See Kristoffer; episode 1.

Rick Solomon stops by Josh Flagg’s office and dramatically tells him not to take his wife to any more beautifully finished homes! Nice, Rick, real nice. He gives Josh his marching orders to show Fran only teardowns with views overlooking two very particular streets in Beverly Hills. No wonder Josh prefers the wife to him. He’s a real piece of work.

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Josh Altman’s next private showing is with his brother, Matt, who brings along his client, Sam. When asked his line of business, Sam mumbles that he ‘incubates high tech companies’, which Matt further explains is that he turns ideas from ‘millions into billions’. I am afraid to say anything more about this man and his businesses as I value my life. No seriously, I am getting a vibe from him that something is off here. And my concerns are validated when Sam tells Josh that he wants the property and cannot show it anymore. Capisse? This poses a great deal of conflict between the brothers – Josh does not want to do anything unethical (on camera, anyway) and Matt wants to please his client who he vouches for is good for the money and a quick close.

Josh Flagg finds the perfect tear down for Rick Solomon, where he will get his views and can build Fran the house of her dreams. The property is a steal listed at $4m. The selling realtor put it in the San Fernando Valley MLS and not in Beverly Hills. Josh knows that this will be like stealing candy from a baby. Rick is on board and wants Josh to do his magic and get it for as little as possible, which he does. The deal is done at $3.5m. Like candy from a baby…I almost feel bad for the seller.

The Brits come bearing good news for Tomer. While they have put in a lot of work for a one month lease (only to secure future business with the coveted developer), they have also brought in the ‘right people’. Like the toe-sucking guy??? Hello??!! Currently on the table is a verbal offer of $47k. Agent Valarie shows up at their meeting with a matching offer. James squeals that they have ‘created the perfect storm’! Let the bidding war begin! Valarie’s client bumps their offer up to $50k but Tomer doesn’t want to accept that as there is no “7” in it. Fortunately, the clients really want to spend their summer vacation in this particular home and the deal is closed at $57k. That’s almost $2k/day. Tomer tells the boys that they can have the listing if/when he is ready to sell. Phase one of their evil and genius plan is complete. Cha-ching!

Josh and Heather entertain at home with friends Danielle and Kevin. Wedding talk ensues. Heather wants to elope as things are getting out of control with the Altman Bros. 400+ guest list. This sets the stage for next week’s episode. More wedding stuff.    

 

TELL US – EVEN IF YOU WERE RICH WOULD YOU RENT A HOUSE FOR FIFTY THOUSAND A MONTH??

Recap Author: Maura

Photo Credit: Bravo TV