All season, the women of Mob Wives have been gearing up for one final brawl, and last night? Well, clearly VH1âs attorneys have added some air-tight anti-violence clauses to their contracts since mid-season. Was that the finale? I am so confused. There were no previews for next week, but there was also no resolution. Iâm exhausted trying to keep up with the Natalies.Â
Big Ang is hosting Renee Graziano at her home, and both ladies are happy they are in a better place after their knock-down-drag-out regarding Reneeâs comment amount Natalie Guercio and the coke laced dollar bill. Ang is happy to see that Renee seems committed to her positive streak. Both women find it strange that Drita Dâavanzo didnât attend Reneeâs spiritual rebirth, and Ang admits she hasnât heard a peep from the friend she usually talks to several times a day. Renee wants to focus on the good and sheâs ready to throw a big party. She hopes all of the ladies will come and be on their best behaviorâŚbecause that always happens with this crew. Sheâll remind Karen Gravano to keep it classy. Of course, if original Natalie wants to confront Natalie DiDonato about their beef, Renee will kindly step aside so the Natalies can handle their business like cage fighters.
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Oh, this is rich! London has nabbed Natlalie a modeling gig in a prison catalog. I had to rewind twice to make sure I heard that correctly. There is something a bit icky to me about being a pin-up for some dude who hasnât seen the outside world since dial-up Internet, but kudos to the catalogâs creator for finding an untapped market. The catalog features the sweatsuits and generic prison gear that inmates are allowed to purchase, and Natalie will serve as eye-candy. While she finds it a bit weird to be some prisonerâs fantasy, sheâs happy to add some spice into the lives of those behind bars. Across town, Drita is at the gym taking out her intense frustrations on a punching bag. Sheâs livid that Natalie admitted to being a rat (on some cell phone recording) after making Drita feel so sorry for her. Damn cop callers. Drita is a violent mode, and sheâs ready for Ratalie to be dead to herâŚand everyone else.Â
Renee and her son AJ are shopping for a promise ring for his girlfriend of two years. They are meeting with the jeweler, and itâs like something from out of a movieâŚbuzzed into a windowless room and wooed with suitcases full of jewels. Okay so there is a window. Renee adores AJâs girlfriend, and she is excited about AJ making this next step. She jokes that he may want to buy his mom a Rolex too while heâs at it!
Oh gracious! Someone gave Fraudalie a gun. Sheâs at the shooting range with a friend to release some tension. She tells her friend that sheâs back together with Ronnie. Sure, they have huge brawls, but then he cries. She canât resist. New Natalie is excited about Reneeâs party so she can expose Ratalie. Her friend encourages a confrontation as she once met Original Natalie at a club and wasnât impressed. Holy crapâŚdonât give Natalie 2.0 an assault rifle! For the love of all things decent! On Staten Island, Karen arrives at the Drunken Monkey (oh how Iâve missed that place!), and Ang is happy that finally everyone is getting along. She gushes about her son AJ finishing his drug program in prison. The two ladies recall how awesome Reneeâs baptism was, but both are still confused by Dritaâs absence. When the topic turns to Reneeâs upcoming bash (which I am sure will be taken literally), Karen unleashes on her disdain for Ratalie. Sheâs ready to face their unfinished business. Poor Ang. She just keeps repeating that she hopes it will be a nice party. Karen asserts that Ang needs to be concerned about Fraudalie coming after Ratalie than her beef.
Itâs the evening of Reneeâs baptismal party (thatâs a thing, yâall!), and she is dressed to the nines. Karen follow suit with the requisite fur coat and rhinestone statement necklace. Oh, and Ratalie also got the memo. Tight black spandex? Check. Lots of cleavage? Check. Horrible extensions? You guessed it! At least Fraudalie is mixing it up a bit with a silver body stocking situation. She looks like a slutty Star Trek extra. Karen is just thrilled that there will be a woman at the party who hates Original Natalie more than she does. Ang is next on the scene with sweet Neil, sporting her fur and clove cigarette. I am glad she opted out of Frederickâs of Hollywood funeral attire. AJ gifts his girlfriend with a gorgeous promise ring as the party cheers. Renee assures her guests that itâs not an engagementâŚjust a lot of love. Drita, complete with extensions and animal carcass, has opted for pantsâŚthey are easier to fight in, Iâm sure. Sheâs embarrassed to tell her friends that they have all been played by Ratalie. She relays the contents of Fraudalieâs recording. Both Renee and Karen hate to gloat, but they are totally biting their tongues from an âI told you so.â Ang still isnât buying it. Ang wonders if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound rat is exposed by a secret recording wouldnât the person sharing said recording also be considered a rat? Deep thoughts, by Big Ang. I love her so.
New Natalie shows up and Ang quickly exits stage leftâŚshe doesnât want to say anything incriminating in the event that Fraudalie is wearing a wire. Sheâs amazing. Like a kid at Christmas, Karen inquires about the recording. A giddy Natalie 2.0 is waiting for the right time to share it with everyone. Renee hopes that her party will remain positive, but I think she just went to hide the knives and substitute the glassware for solo cups. Drita cites Angâs reaction as similar to someone serving time for being ratted out but not wanting to fathom that their rat friend was capable of putting them there. Why canât she just be the only level-headed person on the show? As Original Natalie struts in, the tension is palpable. Maybe everyone is on edge due to the pending smackdownâŚor maybe everyone finds it awkward that there are at least fourteen women in attendance with the same two-toned synthetic hair. Who wore it best?Â
As Ratalie sheds her coat, Fraudalie decides that now is the time to play the recording. Renee urges her to put down her phone, and New Natalie obligesâŚsheâll let her nemesis eat first before their battle. Drita is giving First Natalie the freeze-out, and Ang feels incredibly awkward. Drita sees some buff strangers at the party, and sheâs convinced that Ratalie has enlisted her own security. She summons Renee who confirms they are party crashers. Itâs turning into West Side Story but with ugly costumes and no singing. Ang is starting to reconsider her position. Why would Ratalie need a muscle fueled entourage if she hadnât done anything wrong? Renee just wanted a positive night to celebrate her spiritual rebirth, and sheâs got her bouncers escorting Ratalieâs crew from the party. Karen is throwing around the term ârat bitchâ as if sheâs trying to make fetch happen. Original Natalie peaces out with her people, but Natalie 2.0 doesnât want her to get away so easily. Drita grabs a fur (her fur? Any fur!) and chases Fraudalie who is chasing Ratalie out into the street. Iâm reminded of My Best Friendâs Wedding when Julia Robertsâ character steals a bread truck to go after her love. âJules, your chasing Michael, Michaelâs chasing KimmieâŚbut who is chasing you? Nobody!â Fraudalie tries to taunt Ratalie who retreats to her car. Coward and a ratâŚand a âKittyâ if you listen to Drita. Even Ang finds Original Natalieâs betrayal to be disconcerting. Till next time, Ratalie. Cheers!
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[Photo Credit: VH1]
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