Mob Wives Recap: Mer-madness

mob wives mermaids

Nothing like coming home from a twelve hour work day to drama filled two-hour premiere of Mob Wives! I don’t know if it’s a punishment or Christmas all over again, but I’m going to go with the latter. Karen Gravano is living the dream, back in New York after a stint in Arizona, and she wants her teenage daughter to recognize how fortunate she is to live this lifestyle. Meanwhile, Renee Graziano is hoping to leave drama and negativity in the past. A cook-out at Karen’s house is just what she needs, even though both women realize that Karen’s daughter Karina is going to give them multiple coronaries. She’s way too pretty to be a teenager, but Renee hopes that Karen will allow Karina to mermaid model for her Mob Candy line. At least they can keep an eye on her that way.

Big Ang is recovering from throat cancer, and with her blonde hair, she looks like a boss. She is extremely grateful for her friends’ support during her surgery and following ordeal, but she credits husband Neil for being her rock. I love Ang, and I am thrilled to hear she’s cancer free (as the season airs, prayers are with her now). Her doctor touts an organic diet and exercise…oh, and she needs to quit smoking. It’s hard. Also difficult? Drita D’Avanzo’s household. She’s juggling having growing girls and her husband home from the clink. While she’s thrilled to have the balance of a normal family, she wants her daughters to realize how far she’s come. Drita takes them on a tour of the projects where she grew up so they appreciate the beautiful home and pool they are fortunate enough to have. She’s worked terribly hard, and she wants her daughters to appreciate the struggle she’s had to become the woman she is today. Of course, a book about her life is the next step in her empire…if she can convince her husband Lee that it’s not disloyal to their lifestyle. 


Renee, Karen, Drita, and Ang are reuniting after a tumultuous year. They’ve had their ups and downs, but Ang’s health scare made them all realize just how precious time is. Drita reveals her plans to pen a biography, and Renee is immediately supportive. Renee then invites her friends to join her as the Mob Candy float makes its way through the Coney Island parade. All of the women are excited to attend, and Karen wants to invite her friend Brittany. Brittany’s father John Fogarty was in prison with Karen’s dad, so they are kindred. When the ladies learn that Brittany’s father cooperated with the feds, Karen and company bristle. Loyalty is huge with this group, and we all know how much these girls hate a rat…or anyone who may be related to someone who may have been a rat. Karen is sensitive to the subject given her father’s sentence, and we’re finally getting to the drama dynamic these ladies live for on a day to day basis. 

Brittany is the newest addition to the cast, and she is fully aware that she looks more like a California girl than a mobster’s daughter. A “runway model” who has been living on the West Coast, Brittany is anxious to make a modeling career for herself in Staten Island. Her mother is concerned that Brittany will have issues given their relocation after her father’s sentencing. She hopes her daughter will not get involved with other women entrenched in “the lifestyle.” Brittany’s mother should be concerned, as Renee has already judged Brittany as the offspring of a rat. I think we can all agree that Renee is wary of outsiders regardless of their prison pedigree.

Neil is helping Ang deal with the fact she has to close the Drunken Monkey due to legal issues (to put is nicely), and he reminds her that her history is more than just a bar front. Drita arrives at the bar to commiserate with Ang. Who needs a legal liquor license if you have a fun establishment? Ang has worked so hard to make this bar her legacy, and she’s devastated that a technicality (like a felon not being legally allowed to have a liquor license) has crushed her dreams. Across town, Renee heads to Karen’s house where she is railed by her old friend for calling Brittany a rat. Renee is floored by Karen’s accusation, but Karen reminds her that she was Brittany twenty years ago. Renee accepted her given her family’s circumstances, and Karen is upset that Renee won’t extend the same courtesy to Brittany. Where is the respect and loyalty? At this point, I’m so confused as to where the respect and loyalty is supposed to lie. Anyone with me on that? 

Renee is prepping for Mob Candy’s presence in the infamous mermaid parade, and Karen drops by with Karina and Brittany. The ladies air-kiss, but Renee intends to keep up her guard. She can’t trust a rat…or anyone who may be related to someone once considered a rat. From what I’ve gathered, Brittany was an infant when her father took a plea, so I’m still confused as to how that makes her culpable for his actions. That said, I’m also a Mob Wives fan, so I know exactly why Renee blames the newbie for things that happened while Brittany was still in diapers. To add another layer to the drama, Carla Facciolo enters. She’s a recent Renee bestie (remember when they hated each other so much VH1 security had to get involved?), and she’ll certainly add the requisite amount of angst to this crowd. Welcome back, Carla. Welcome back. Carla is happy to be back in the loop, but that comes with throwing shade at Drita, her one time ride-or-die friend. 

The mermaid parade is an event that Lisa Vanderpump would host a party for if it were occurring in WeHo and the headliners weren’t somehow related to criminals. Before I can even type that last sentence, Love Majewski breaks through the parade barricade to embrace Karen. You’ll recall she was a cast addition for a season until violence and no fan base had her axed from the regular line up. I always adored her antics, so I am happy to see her back, unlike Carla. Carla turns an extremely tan cheek while recalling the time that Love tried to decapitate her at Drita’s birthday party. Love extends an apology, but Carla isn’t quick to accept it. However, Love talks smack about how their past altercation was a product of Drita’s shiz-talking, and Carla takes the bait. Even Renee is confused. She wonders if Drita has been the pot-stirrer all along. I think that all of these women have giant spoons in their respective bowls of crap.

Speaking of Drita, she decides to tell her husband that she plans to write a book about her life-story. As imagined, Lee isn’t keen on the idea and he expresses his opinion with a bunch of expletives. Back at the parade, Carla can breathe easily about being the center of drama as Brittany quickly edges her way into the center of the fray. As Brittany talks about her family being relocated after her father cooperated with the prosecution, Renee’s blood is boiling. Brittany challenges Renee, asking if she’d let AJ go to prison instead of turning state’s evidence. Bye, AJ. If you ever find yourself in that situation, your mother will visit you every weekend…but never be a rat. Gahhh! I love this show and these ladies! I think we can all agree that Renee disliked Brittany before ever meeting her, and this initial introduction isn’t helping. 

But hey, who cares about the initial intro when you have two shows to watch, right? The second episode begins with Drita and Renee recapping the mermaid parade over lunch. Renee brings up the Carla-Love reintroduction, telling Drita that Love accused Drita for Love’s issues with Carla. Drita is peeved, to say the least. Drita is upset that her friends are siding with Carla, and her attitude is telling to Renee. After the two spar, Drita storms out, and Renee is convinced that perhaps Drita has something to run from…although we all know the drama for this show is fabricated. Across town, newbie Brittany is explaining her family’s situation in light of Renee’s accusation that she is a rat based on her father’s actions. Brittany is ready to fight, but her mother warns her to keep calm. We’ll see how long that lasts!

Karen, Renee and Carla are meeting to reconnect sans mermaid tails. Karen rehashes her relationship issues with Storm, and Carla suggests a girls’ weekend in the Hamptons. It’s a classy getaway. Karen wants to invite Brittany, but Renee is hesitant. Karen can’t understand why Renee is being so hard-headed. Carla is fine with Renee’s stance, but she’s not inviting Drita. Renee recaps her explosive lunch with Drita, and all of the women agree that Drita is hiding something. She’s too defensive. Following their meet-up, Renee is hanging with Marissa Jade, whose boyfriend is very likable because he grew up in the streets. Marissa has faced jealousy her entire life because she’s gorgeous and not quite 100 percent Italian. Renee loves her as she loves to mold girls in her likeness. Marissa and Renee bond over conspiracies and rats, and Renee is happy to deviate from feeling sorry for their families’ situations to invite her to Carla’s weekend away. 

Drita and Ang are shopping for organic groceries per Ang’s doctor’s orders, and Drita is happy to assist her friend regardless of how badly fresh produce smells. Drita complains about Lee’s issues about her writing a book, and Ang fills in Drita about Love and Carla’s new truce over Drita’s alleged disloyalty. Drita is aggravated with all of her friends (sans Ang) for siding with Carla, and Ang admits that she’s going to the Hamptons with Drita’s new group of haters. Ang feels badly, and Drita is prepared to cuss each of the women up and down Staten Island. Across town, Karen approaches Storm to discuss the problems in their relationship. She wants to talk about the state of their love life while he just wants to figure out how to pack his latest night club. His mind is on money, not on Karen. He walks away from Karen mid-sentence, and there’s nary a plate for her to throw at him. It’s a travesty. 

Even though Renee considers Brittany to be the rattiest of the rats, she’s willing to swallow her feelings for Carla’s getaway. The women are toasting with mimosas in their chartered van, but Renee’s friend Marissa isn’t impressed. She knows her pal is more caviar than roasted peanuts, and she’s hoping her group won’t be offended by Marissa’s love of the finer things. Good luck with that, Renee. Upon arrival, Marissa finds the accommodations lacking, and Renee retreats to bed, leaving Marissa to fend for herself…judging every last lady like it’s her job (and I guess it is, given her new reality star status). Karen bashes Drita’s plans for wanting to write a book, and she interjects to tell Ang and company that Love has enlightened her about Drita’s BS. Ang wants to keep the peace, but Brittany is all about riling up the crew by defending Drita. Karen can’t wait to call out her frenemy. 

While the ladies are in the Hamptons, Drita channels her inner Judy Blume. She has a book to write, folks! Drita’s daughter hustles her mother into a sweet editing deal as Drita shares stories about her young love. Drita tears up as her youngest reads her latest installment. Meanwhile, in the Hamptons, Drita’s former clique lounges by the pool as Karen provides too much information about her lacking sex life. The hungover new crowd slowly appears to show off their bikini bodies. It’s no surprise that the veterans are wary of the most recent additions, but it’s fun to see Marissa and Brittany vying against one another for center stage. Which one is the lush? On the sidelines, Carla gossips about Drita as Ang attempts to keep the peace. It’s not working. The ladies head to a wine tasting, and over cheese, Marissa reminds the audience that she’s more about class, less about crazy partying. You can imagine that a few of her counterparts take offense to that assertion. Marissa wonders if Brittany is reliving a Cancun spring break gone awry. Marissa “jokingly” accuses Brittany of being a lush (there it is!), and the girls fight like cats and dogs. I’m sure Drita is thrilled that their wine drama has erased her as the topic of vacation conversation! 


[Photo Credit: VH1]