Mob Wives Recap: The Fakers Gonna Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake…

mob wives karen drita

What are these women thinking? That’s the one question that played on a constant loop in my mind as I watched last night’s Mob Wives. A Hamptons vacation will never class up this group of gals. Carla Facciolo has planned a nice weekend for her friends (as we know Drita D’avanzo is absent), and she hopes that newbies Brittany Fogarty and Marissa Jade don’t show out at her friends’ garden party. If they dare to embarrass her in front of her shi-shi Hamptons crowd, Carla swears (and swears) that she’ll kill them herself. Both Marissa and Brittany claim to have called a truce while Prissy Missy (haha!) gripes to Renee Graziano and Brittany complains to Big Ang. In order to get everyone on the same page, Big Ang decides her crew needs to get up close and personal with Patron. Marissa, once again, admonishes the clique’s drinking habits, but she can’t say no and is falling all over herself. Thankfully, no asses are capped or hair is pulled.


Bright and early the next morning, Carla’s scheduled yoga instructor arrives as everyone sans Ang is snoozing. Carla wasn’t expecting her to come at 8AM, but Ang won’t listen to anyone’s excuses. It’s time for some downward dog! The instructor’s patience for the women’s antics is unmatched. Renee watches (she only sweats between the sheets…thanks for that) as Ang’s triple K breasts make balancing next to impossible. Over a chef-prepared brunch, Karen Gravano toasts their hostess and Renee stirs the pot about the newbies’ lush drama from the previous day. Ang changes the subject–after her cancer surgery, her latest goal is to have her constitutional rights restored after her latest arrest. The women then go back and forth about Carla having a discussion with Drita to figure out why their friendship went so awry. Karen hijacks the conversation, tough talking about how she plans to confront Drita about calling her a fake, and it’s not going to be pretty. 

Back on Staten Island, Renee is lunching with AJ. His girlfriend Andrea is their waitress, and Renee is pressuring her son about finally getting engaged. They are, what, twenty? Twenty-one? If the kids aren’t quite ready to rush down the aisle, Renee thinks the next best thing would be for the couple to move in with her. She wonders why the two never want to stay at her house. Andrea admits that she’s believes Renee’s house is haunted by a lady. If that’s all that is keeping the pair from being Renee’s roommies, she’s got a medium on speed dial. Problem solved!

Across town, Karen is keeping her promise to Drita to come to her directly is she has beef. Karen wants to have a cordial conversation, but she’s ready to pounce if it goes south. When Karen accuses Drita of calling her a fake, Drita responds that the entire group is fake because they are being besties with Carla who they used to want kill. Drita starts screaming at Karen who then threatens Drita with getting physical. Does Karen want a piece of Drita? Does she want to fight? If so, Drita is more than ready! Karen’s bluff is called, and she backs down quickly. Why can’t they talking civilly like effing ladies? At the end of the “conversation,” both women agree that they while they have history, they will never be friends again. Karen hopes they can still be cordial, but Drita’s neck veins tell a different story. 

mob wives drita

Big Ang has decided that Brittany is her mini-me, and she can’t wait for her new friend to meet Drita. While Brittany has heard a lot of negative stuff about Drita from the gang, she is looking forward to deciding for herself. Upon Ang’s introduction, the women hug and share lies about their “modeling careers” before coming to even more common ground…both are annoyed by Marissa’s face. Drita doesn’t really know Marissa, but growing up, Marissa’s boyfriend was like a brother to Marissa. Not one to be left out of the smack talking, Marissa wants to get Karen’s take on the competition. Karen straddles the fence…her father and Brittany’s dad were biffles in the clink, but Marissa’s boyfriend and his sister are like family to Karen. Both Drita and Marissa share the story of their only meeting where both claim the other was eye-rolly and unapproachable. Drita changes the subject to yell and cuss about Renee being the common denominator in all the women’s drama. This is news?

mob wives ang

Speaking of Renee, she is anxious to get the ghost out of her home so that her boy and his lady can take up residence. The medium confirms that there are two extra females living in the house. One is Renee’s grandmother, which comforts her, but the other is a mischievous little girl who runs around and makes a lot of noise. The medium assures Renee that the girl isn’t a threat and only wants to watch out for Renee and her family. The spirit warns Renee that she needs to rid her life of toxic friends. Smart ghost! Meanwhile, Ang is meeting with her lawyer to find out how to get her rights restored. As the two recap Ang’s felonious path (at least she wasn’t a rat!), but Ang needs to be able to get a liquor license so she can get back beyond the bar. How can she get her conviction expunged? Ang’s lawyer basically tells her not to hold her breath. 

After hitting it off, Drita and Brittany are working out together and sharing their life stories of family incarceration. Brittany reveals that she was eight months old when her dad went to jail for eleven years, and it was intimidating as a child to only know her father through prison visit. Drita can relate as she sadly knows that is exactly how her daughters will feel when they are adults. Brittany is relieved to be able to have real talk with her new friend, and she prides herself on being able to make her own impressions of people regardless of what she’d been told. Drita agrees. It’s refreshing to hang out with someone who isn’t fake as f*$&, like Brittany’s friend Karen or pot stirrer Renee.

mob wives carla

Later, Brittany is happy houring with the girls, save Drita and Marissa, and Ang breaks the news that she won’t be getting her bar back anytime soon. Not surprisingly, Brittany went straight to Renee and Karen like an informant. Isn’t that technically a rat? Renee wants to bring Carla up to date on the gossip, and Ang tries to remind Carla that Drita always had her back. In fact, Ang specifically recalls Drita being so frightened for Carla when she was in an abusive relationship. Carla is livid. She told Drita about her ex-boyfriend in confidence. Oh girls. Can’t we all just get along? 


[Photo Credit: VH1]