dance moms maddie

Am I allowed to be excited when the Dance Moms sound technicians and producers are scurrying around the Los Angeles ALDC studio totally gobsmacked as to why Abby Lee Miller and the drama-loving mothers are nowhere in sight? The dancers are there, but they aren’t allowed to be filmed without their moms present. Ashlee and Brynn arrive and are confused as to why they are the only ones in attendance to meet with Abby. A producer reveals that the veteran moms are no-shows, and without them, the girls cannot be on camera. Abby cackles at the wonderful thought of not having to deal with the crazy. Abby has designated this week’s solos to follow the theme of famous L.A .murders. Brynn tries to be cheery as Gianna Googles “Black Dahlia Murder” to get the young dancer in character. Yikes. 

Trying to make a point about Abby’s recent shenanigans, the mothers decide to show up late wearing their pjs in a nod to their dance instructor’s erratic behavior. The mothers take issue with Brynn rehearsing sans the remaining ALDC dancers. Abby totally could have let the other girls dance…it didn’t have to be on camera. Ashlee tries to explain that she’s not the reason the girls weren’t allowed to participate, but Jill knows how to push her buttons. The more Ashlee fake cries, the more Jill screeches. It’s cringe-inducing. 


As the season drawls on, Brynn and Ashlee wonder how they have become the bad guys when no one else seems to be putting in the time. Abby can’t be bothered with silliness, so she moves immediately into the pyramid. Kalani is in the bottom spot for not being well enough to perform last week. Kendall is next, followed by Nia and MacKenzie rounding out the bottom rung. JoJo is thrilled to make the second tier, and Brynn is touted as second best for not standing out in the group routine. Maddie is ecstatic to finally make her way back into the top spot. Brynn, Maddie and Kendall are gifted solos, and Jill seems to take offense to Abby comparing her daughter to Natalie Wood. Jill knows that Kendall will never get the time and attention she deserves from Abby. Ashlee throws shade, stating that Jill is likely nervous that Kendall is competing against both Maddie and Brynn. The group dance is inspired by cults. How fitting. 

dance moms jill melissa

Maddie is rehearsing her Lizzie Borden influenced solo, and I think she’s going to kill it…pun intended. As Abby works with Brynn, she encourages the dancer to work on her facial expressions. Not surprisingly, Ashlee draws Abby’s individual focus on her daughter to the other mothers’ attention which doesn’t go over well with Jill. Ashlee and Jill continue to go head-to-head, and Ashlee knows that Jill finds Kendall’s spot on the team threatened by Brynn’s attendance. Jill considers Ashlee to be an Abby arse-kissing fake. Their argument elevates until Abby intervenes to complain about both of their behavior. When Abby calls you out on your crazy, it’s time to seek immediate help! 

dance moms maddie 1

At the competition, there is an issue with the elevator permits, and Abby refuses to walk down a flight of stairs to join her team. She’s missing Jill and Ashlee continue to go at each others’ throats. Maddie, Kendall, and Brynn are made up and costumed to a tee. Ashlee only hopes that Brynn can hold her own against Maddie’s inflated (her insinuation, not mine) reputation. Brynn’s performance is mesmerizing, and she’s technically amazing and graceful. As the judges pile on the praise, I realize that Brynn’s bloody make-up is going to give me nightmares. Kendall performs next, and her choreography is beautiful. She’s even foregone her normal plastered-on smile. However, she’s deprived of the shocking costume and make-up of her counterparts. Speaking of…did I say that Brynn was going to haunt my dreams? Scratch that…Maddie is totally going to be my boogey man, but she’s phenomenal. The judges concur. 

Backstage, Jill makes the mistake of asking for Abby’s opinion on the solos. She’s met with gibberish. Also gibberish is Holly and Jessalyn trying to explain the concept of a cult and “drinking the Kool-Aid” to the clueless dancers. Bless their innocence. The ALDC takes the stage to perform their cult group routine, and I love it. The girls are crisp and precise, and the music is exactly why I was so terrified of the first season of True Detective. Spot on, girls! The team is praised by the judges on their timing and emotions.

dance moms jessalyn

At the awards ceremony, Brynn places second in the junior solo. Jessalyn’s smugness is extremely unbecoming…it wasn’t as if Brynn was competing against JoJo. In the team division, Kendall’s solo places second to Maddie’s top spot, but Ashlee is quick to point out that Brynn’s second place win was with a higher score than Kendall’s. Geez Louise. No one will be surprised to hear that the girls’ cult routine is first place among the group numbers. The mothers determine the ALDC is a cult of winners. Ashlee brings everyone some Kool-Aid for the team to drink in their honor. Hale-Bopp for sure. 


[Photo Credit: Lifetime]

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