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Little Women: LA reuion

It’s been a season of revelation and procreation, and here we are at the end of it all! Season 4 of Little Women: LA ended on a sour note for Briana Renee, whose long-maligned husband, Matt Ericson, was discovered sending d*ck pics yet again to multiple women. To make matters worse, Briana was pregnant at the time with Matt’s spawn baby. And in further heartbreaking news, Briana was rushed to the hospital just this week for pre-term contractions (she’s 6 months pregnant right now) due perhaps, in part, to stress. The situation is sad, no matter how you look at it. But Briana and Matt are capitalizing on their gigantic crapfest of a relationship with a 2-hour Lifetime special May 11 anyway! Because Briana’s family has not been humiliated enough yet? Cripes.

In the mean time, the ladies sat down for a season 4 reunion with a new host (Thank you Jesus!! Last season’s was a passive aggressive wreck!!) to dish the dirt on everything from Matt’s sexting proclivities to Christy McGinity’s totally-legitimate-and-medically-proven “brain injury” to Tonya Banks’ desperate attempt at trapping her a live Kerwin!  (Although we’ll only get to a small portion of this mess in part 1.) Yee haw! Let’s get to it.   

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Our host, Kevin Frazier – possibly the only person not pregnant in this room – introduces the ladies. Christy, Briana, and Jasmine Sorge on one couch face off against Elena Gant, Tonya (who – be prepared – pulls some of THE BEST stank faces ever seen on a reunion stage), and Terra Jole on the other. After rolling highlight footage on this season’s insanity, Kevin asks the ladies what it’s like to see the past few months appear before their eyes? Briana says she’s not re-living it; she’s still living it. “It” being the nightmare that Briana’s life has become, I assume? Briana describes her wedding as bittersweet, especially with Christy showing up at the last minute. She touts that she and Christy are now “rebuilding” though. Yeah, okay.

Kevin steers the conversation to lighter fare – Babies! Elena and Briana both revealed their pregnancies on the show, and Terra has since confirmed her pregnancy as well (but doesn’t speak up at the reunion about it…yet). Elena’s pregnancy is going well, but she can’t wear heels anymore. Dayum! Elena says it’s all worth it though. Briana is feeling well, too, but there’s a lot going on behind the scenes in her marriage, so she’s not the happy pregnant woman she dreamed of being. She confesses that she’s deciding whether or not to leave Matt, hinting that she might end up as a single mom again. (But if this week’s story is true that Matt drove her to the hospital, I’d assume they’re still together.)

Little Women: LA reunion

Kevin reveals Terra’s pregnancy next, which Christy rolls her eyes at excessively. But she forces herself to say, “Yeah, that’s great. That’s great.” Terra calls bullsh*t on Christy’s well-wishes, then instantly goes into her classic insult mode of “You’re fat!” and “Troll!!!” Kevin calms Terra down, possibly seeing the next six hours of his life flash before his eyes (yes, Kevin, this is exactly what the entire LWLA reunion will be like!) then prods Christy more about her fertility issues and subsequent adoption journey.

Unable to answer through her tears, Christy is joined on the couch by Todd. Who I hope had a Red Bull to deal with what’s about to go down. OMGdid Todd literally just sit on Briana? As Briana scurries for her life on the couch, we see a rehash of Christy and Todd’s many issues this season, including Todd’s weight (and Christy’s berating) and adoption. Sadly, the little boy that was matched to them did not work out, which Christy blames/blamed Todd for.

Terra says she essentially gives zero f-ks. Since the police report over their bar fight, Terra has no comment on anything Christy-related. As for Todd’s weight, he’s lost 30 pounds recently (yay, Todd!) and wants to keep going, rather than turning to gastric bypass. And with that, Todd is summarily dismissed! Wait – that’s it!? This is definitely Todd 2.0, the beaten down shell of the former Todd who used to go hard at barbecues and reunions alike. Not sure which version is more dysfunctional, actually…?

Turning to Terra and Tonya’s relationship, Kevin asks how they’re doing now in the wake of their issues – you know, ever since Terra went ballistic over Tonya not being there for her when Penny was in the hospital? Tonya defends that she had a small window to visit Penny, which she ultimately dropped the ball on. “I called!” claims Tonya, which Terra denies. Elena jumps in to defend Terra, explaining that Terra thinks she’s superwoman who can handle everything, but actually needs more help than she realizes.

In any case, Elena regrets not supporting her more. Terra cries that she may not have wanted her friends to drive her to the hospital, but she did want them with her. Elena misinterpreted the situation, admittedly. Terra considers her friends her family, and Tonya agrees that they’ve all learned a lesson from this. They’ll be there for each other in the future no matter what. #FamousLastWords #CanWeGetThatInWriting?

Another friendship that has miraculously resurrected itself from the scrap heap is that of Elena and Jasmine, who started the season as sworn enemies after Jasmine snubbed Elena at her “mommy party.” (Please let that be the last time I ever have to type those words.) Shade or no shade (on Jasmine’s part), Elena has gotten over it. Jasmine thinks Elena was jealous of her though, which is just…delusional. Elena thinks Jasmine was faking her way through the group at the beginning of their relationship though, which is…totally accurate.

Ultimately, Elena is just too damn pregnant to care about Jasmine’s motives now, and sighs that yeah, she thinks they’re okay these days. Unless she decides to “throw a party for people with 2 kids” (heeeee!), Elena is cool with Jasmine. I, for one, am digging this chill as hell pregnant Elena right now! Can she give Terra some lessons on priorities?

Little Women: LA reunion

So, now that the dollar menu drama is out of the way, let’s move on to the steak dinner! Bonnie and Clyde: a journey through time. Depressing bachelorette parties! Ride or Die weddings! D*ck pics! Truly, a love story for the ages. Briana fills us in on her current status with Terra: they’re not best friends, but are alright with each other at the moment because Terra has ownership of many, many penis photos. Terra asks Briana if she understands why she and Tonya felt betrayed by Christy, who wasn’t telling Briana the hard truth about her real feelings? Briana doesn’t have a chance to really answer, as we need to move with a swiftness on to the issue at hand: Matt’s most recent despicable actions!

Jasmine pipes up that she’s still royally pissed off. She can’t BELIEVE she defended Clyde for so long while he was out there sexting his schlong to any rando with a smartphone. #TheMoreYouKnow  Jasmine cares about Briana and is still in disbelief that Matt would treat his pregnant wife thusly while he was trying to get a spinoff. Tonya argues that they all saw the evidence from day one, but Briana was “so thirsty” about the situation, she listened to no one. “Can Matt do any wrong in Briana’s eyes?” asks Kevin. “He just did,” she answers.

Terra and Tonya eye-roll the hell out of Briana’s flat reply, with Terra arguing that Briana will never, ever leave him. AGREED. Briana, however, claims she “put Matt out” for a week. They’re calling it a break, but the ladies smell horse sh*t here. Isn’t he just visiting his kids in Seattle? This ain’t no break! Tonya says Briana didn’t marry the man she thought she married. Kevin asks, does Briana still love him? “I’m still trying to figure that out,” Briana coyly evades so people tune into her pathetic 2-hour special. My response to this answer is summed up in the following facial reaction:

Little Women: LA reunion

Elena ridiculously defends Briana though, claiming it’s Briana’s business who she forgives, and how many times (4,000?) she wants to do it. Kevin piles on that it’s tough for a pregnant woman to leave her husband, which, yeah. But one could argue that it’s also tough for a pregnant woman to be worried about catching STDs in her own bedroom. So, you say tomato! Despite every baby being a blessing, Kevin asks if Briana regrets getting pregnant with Matt’s baby? “I can’t say that I regret this child,” she says, but “I really regret the next decision I’m gonna have to make.” Huh?

Enough with this discussion of the man, the myth, the legend – let’s get him on the hot seat! Bring Out The Gimp! Matt perp-walks out to the couches in his grandpa’s blue sports coat (where’s the #BLUESHIRT!?!?) and plops down in between Christy and Briana. (Jasmine flees to the other couch before Clyde’s cooties can creep onto her adjoining cushion. #GoodCall) Jasmine calls out Matt immediately for making her look like an idiot! Matt says he knows saying “sorry” is worthless at this point and he’s not here to fight with anybody. “I f-ked up,” he sighs.       

After watching footage of Matt’s arc of shame this season, Kevin asks why he’s been sexting all of these women like it’s his damn job? Matt starts his tale of woe: “Early on in life, I’ve been through some things…” But before he can take us very far down the primrose path, Terra and Tonya bust out laughing at this #BillClinton spectacle.

Little Women: LA reunion

Now that her Clyde is beside her, Briana has launched into full Bonnie mode. “Why are you guys laughing!?” she demands. “It’s rude!” Tonya sees through Matt’s flimsy smokescreen, asserting that he’s just trying to get famous. (Which is sadly working, I’d agree.) Matt continues: he’s needed attention through the years, sometimes “sexual” in nature. So, we’re going with the classic “sex addict” excuse, eh? Mmmmkay. Kevin asks how many women Matt has sexted with since he’s been with Briana? Oh, 5 – maybe 10 – he’s lost count!

Terra jumps in that it’s not just about the sexting; he’s been bashing Briana in his conversations with these women. He tells them he’s leaving Briana after the show’s over, he wishes he never got his Clyde tattoo, he never loved her…and on and on. Matt claims he has no recollection of these conversations because…selective memory, yo!

Christy jumps in to defend addiction, which she is familiar with as a sober woman of 6 years. Oh, Christy. Please don’t climb into this sh*t stained toilet, dragging your hard-won sobriety with you! Briana, though, is all about hard (no pun intended) evidence. “Show me!” she demands of Terra and Tonya, who claim Matt’s sexts are ongoing and plentiful, with no end in sight. (Question: why aren’t the sext-ees sending the evidence straight to Briana? I mean, toss a little “cc” action at Terra and Tonya, maybe, but Briana should be the recipient of these screenshots if they want to prove their point, no?)

Little Women: LA reunion

With Tonya and Terra temporarily giving up on Briana’s massive delusions, Matt defends himself as “getting help” now. He also claims he might have said a lot over text about leaving Briana, but he didn’t mean any of it. Ugggghhhhhh. He also doesn’t feel the need to answer any of these ladies’ accusations, so there!

Kevin – God bless him! – presses Matt harder, though, snarking that maybe he does need to give everyone answers since he felt free to give so many other people pictures of his penis. #OhSnap! #KevinFrazierForTheWin! Gooooooooaaaaaaal!

Matt squirms, then admits he was sexually abused for three years when he was a child. Which is awful, if true. But Matt claims he reaches out instantly to anyone who will “fill his hole” now as a coping mechanism. Eww. Tonya argues that she had “someone try to molest” her when she was little too, but she’s not out there using it as an excuse to f-k up! Not sure Tonya’s argument landed where she meant it to, but I hear her.

Elena flat out doesn’t think therapy will help. She thinks Matt needs to grow out of his Peter Pan “pants” (if Peter Pan was sending d*ck picks all around Neverland?!) and stop what he’s doing for good. Well, that may be true. But therapy is still better than no therapy, regardless of Matt ceasing fire on the sexting.              

Little Women: LA reunion

But does Briana believe that Matt has truly stopped? She doesn’t have a chance to answer before Terra jumps in, which derails the conversation. When she finally speaks, Briana admits she doesn’t truly know if Matt has stopped sexting all of creation. So, at least she’s admitting confusion. It’s better than blind loyalty to this scum sucker, I guess. 

But Matt’s sexting is just part of his colorful character! Kevin reads a Radar Online article from a few months ago that published a past domestic violence incident in which Matt is accused of choking a woman. “Matt was squeezing hard,” Kevin reads, “and she was pushing hard to get away. Matt kept his grip on Tonya [name changed] and pushed her to the floor.” Matt smirks at this news, claiming he’s “never physically hurt a woman.” Yet he had to be separated from some of the women backstage before the reunion, says Kevin. WHAAAAAA!?!? 

Terra’s all, “Bullsh*t!” while Briana lamely defends, “I’ve never gotten hurt!” Terra and Tonya snark back, “That you’ve told us of,” insinuating Matt may be a current physical threat in Briana’s life. Matt continues his full press defense, though. He may be a dirtbag sexter, but he’s no wife beater! Or so he says. But in the next breath, the real Matt Ericson comes out when he calls Tonya a dumb ass – after Briana calls her one – which causes Little Boss to rise up out of her chair, prepared to deliver the punch to Matt’s face we’ve all been waiting for. Alas, Kevin hustles Tonya back to her seat before justice can be served. Dang! 

Final question: did Matt go back and read any of these salacious texts that he conveniently claims to have no memory of? Briana read and repeated a lot of them to Matt, apparently. A lovely evening spent by the fire, no doubt! But will she leave him because of them? We have to wait until next week to find out.

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON MATT’S EXCUSES FOR HIS BEHAVIOR? WILL BRIANA EVER LEAVE? OR ARE MATT AND BRIANA PLAYING US ALL?

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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