When one has nowhere left to turn with creative ways to bash one’s former friends, one must turn toward more outlandish methods. Like accuse them of being hardcore drug addicts, for example! At least that’s what Terra Jole and crew have decided to do to Christy McGinity Gibel on last night’s Little Women: LA. At least the heat is (somewhat) off Tonya Banks for a minute! Little Boss needs a Little Break.
But first we must make a pit stop with Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] as they go out to lunch to discuss a “Pre-Pop Party.” Lest we waste too many brain cells on what sort of party this is, here’s the definition: It’s another excuse to create drama among the group whilst celebrating the fruit of Matt’s loins. It’s also another excuse to not invite Christy to something.
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Briana is still hoppin’ mad at Christy over her imagined involvement in the legal dispute between Briana and her old publicist, Julie. Briana and Matt are convinced that Christy – not Matt’s Tinder account – led an attorney straight to their whereabouts last week to serve Briana with lawsuit threats. Briana also thinks Christy has been acting delusional lately, which is rich coming from the POSTER CHILD of delusion herself, Ms. Fierce-Mama-Who-Gets-Repeatedly-Cheated-On-In-Public-Yet-Turns-A-Blind-Eye.
So, what gives? Briana thinks Christy’s on pills. Matt is loving this theory. Anything that takes the heat off of him and his d*ck pics is a #Win. Moving on from their Christy smear campaign, Matt wonders if they can pretty please reveal their son’s name at the pre-pop party because it’s so “cool” and “edgy.” Briana inanely giggles that she’ll think about it. <Recap break while I wipe my screen of its thick film of self importance.>
Over at Terra’s, she and Joe are getting ready for their own bundle of joy. In a few weeks, baby Penny will have a little brother or sister, so they want to do some fun projects with her before that day comes. So they force her to plant her baby hands into paint, then print them on a family art piece. Terra is concerned with Penny’s delayed development. Her verbal and walking skills are not coming along as quickly as hoped, but Terra and Joe are taking it one day at a time.
Meanwhile, Elena Gant is being waited on by Saint Preston, who delivers a cold beverage to the new mommy of twins as she lazes outside in a kaftan. Elena misses her pre-baby days. You know, the sexytimes, the intimate moments with her hubby, the…stripper pole? She wonders if they can just do it “in the butt” until their 6-week postpartum hiatus is over. Um. What? Please tell me I’m not the only one who was loving those “no sex for 6 weeks” doctor’s orders postpartum! Elena, honey, you’re on a free pass girl! Sit in your kaftan and eat some Doritos.
Back at Terra’s, Tonya comes to visit. Reluctantly. After Logo-gate, Terra has all but destroyed her friendship with her former bestie. But apparently she doesn’t want to burn their relationship to the ground after all because she finally straight up apologizes for her sh*tty behavior. “I don’t want to put my nose where it doesn’t belong,” admits Terra through tears. Um – can we get that in writing? And notarized? And cast in a bronze plaque?
Tonya cries too, but these are tears of frustration. She was deeply hurt by Terra’s shade throwing, whether Terra wants to call it “constructive criticism” or not. Tonya also doesn’t like the fact that Terra blabbed to Elena, who then piled with the mean girl antics at Kerwin’s party. Elena hasn’t even seen the damn clothes! Why does she have a dog in this fight? Terra claims she didn’t make Elena say or do anything. Hmm. Okay.
What’s the real problem here? Tonya thinks it’s all about Christy, who Tonya turned to in her time of need. Terra obviously felt betrayed. But Tonya says she can tell her business to any friend she wants. And, by the way, what about Terra going behind Tonya’s back to talk to her DAUGHTER?
Terra decides to use this moment to twist the knife in deeper. She tells Tonya that Angelique feels like Tonya is “settling” for Kerwin, her own father. Tonya accepts Terra’s apology over the logo crap, but is now incensed about Angelique’s confession to Terra. And, if she’s being honest with herself, about Terra’s smarmy little role in carrying this message to her. So, looks like they’ve got something new to fight about.
As alliances shift and fences are temporarily mended elsewhere, everyone’s whipping girl, Christy, is trying to get her downward dog on. She’s at yoga with daughter Autumn, who is feeling better these days. Mastering the concept of opposite arms and legs is not so easy for a dyslexic woman with dwarfism, jokes Christy. But she is succeeding in embarrassing Autumn, so it’s mommy-daughter yoga for the win!
Christy’s dad is going through a cancer scare, which freaks her out. But Autumn is just worried that Christy is taking care of too many people these days. She wants her mom to take care of herself. “You’re my best friend,” Christy tells Autumn. “You’re my best friend,” says Autumn back. Aww.
In an attempt to act like grown women, Tonya invites the girls out for an old fashioned ice cream social. Jasmine Sorge chows down while Elena strolls in wearing a slick black jumpsuit, looking like she’s heading to a red carpet event. Elena is not happy with Tonya after being dismissed from Kerwin’s party. “You didn’t let me talk!” whines Elena to Tonya. Tonya doesn’t have time for people getting loud at her out of nowhere, but is willing to let bygones be bygones. She just hopes girlfriend will learn to form an actual opinion of her own in the future before throwing down.
Conversation turns to Briana’s pre-pop party. Who the f*ck wants to go to that hellish fiasco!? Well, no one. Yet cameras shall be rolling there, so suit up ladies! Jasmine will go to support Briana, but hates Matt as much as ever, so she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to maintain a fake smile around him. I say, as long as she can maintain not actually vomiting in her mouth while in Matt’s presence, Jasmine is accomplishing more than most of us could manage.
Later that week, Jasmine and her hubby Chris are taking a beach stroll. Hold up. Are Jasmine’s lips suddenly thrice the size of their former selves? She has definitely injected those babies. Whoa. (What was that Elena was saying last season about Jasmine going all Single White Female on her? Yeah.) Jasmine vents to Chris about Matt. She is obviously prepping for a Clyde-frontation, as she basically warns Chris that she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to keep her mouth shut at the pre-pop party.
Chris looks slightly weirded out, but just nervously laughs her warnings off. I’m hoping Jasmine is true to her word. And I am kind of loving the fact that sleezeball Matt is finding himself surrounded this season by nearly 100% hormonal pregnant women ready to scrap.
At the gym, Tonya and Angelique discuss Kerwin. It’s been a huge change for Angelique, who hasn’t lived with her father since she was five. All of this is coming as quite a shock to her, she admits through tears. Tonya is sorry for not involving her more; she realizes she needs time to adjust.
But why does Angelique think Tonya is settling for Kerwin? Well, because Tonya hasn’t been interested in reconciling with him for years. That is, until she got dumped by Jaa and Kerwin was shacking up with his Lady Friend. Tonya swears her feelings are genuine. The fact that he’s Angelique’s dad is also a component. She feels unconditional love for him because of their long time family relationship. Tonya wants Angelique to know that no man, not even her father, will ever come before her though.
At a garden store, Christy and Todd shop while they discuss her father’s health issues. The test results came back finding pre-cancer cells in her father’s esophagus, but it’s unclear whether he has cancer in his colon. Todd brings up his own father, who’s located information on Todd’s birth parents. So, is Todd going to find them? He’s not so sure now. Todd thinks it’s not the right time to locate his birth parents while Christy’s dad is so sick. “The family right here is the priority,” Todd says. Christy doesn’t want him to wait on her account, but he seems set on his decision for now.
Oh lord. Here we go with the pre-pop party. Please let someone legitimately pop off at Matt during it! Briana hasn’t been feeling well. She’s having contractions and back pain, but damn if she’s not going to enjoy one last adult party before the baby comes! The gang arrive and all is chill for a minute. Until Jasmine decides it’s time to confront Matt, which she does after asking him for a private moment. This all seems very staged.
Jasmine confesses feeling awkward around Matt and Briana ever since the sexting scandal resurfaced. She is disgusted and feels betrayed. Matt plays the contrite card, even squeezing out a crocodile tear while he explains how much of a new leaf he’s trying to turn over. He’s a changed man, people! Jasmine buys his act hook, line, and bowling shirt. #Disappointed
As Matt wipes his
carefully manufactured tears away, Jasmine rejoins the group to tell them about their conversation. Terra has been there, done that with Briana and Matt for ages now. She thinks Jasmine needs to let it rest. “Briana’s the one living this nightmare, not Jasmine,” notes Terra. Yip.
The uninvited Christy becomes everyone’s next topic of conversation. In case we haven’t heard, Christy is dead to Briana. DEAD!!! Swearing that Christy is to blame for her financial mess with her old publicist as well as her own family drama, Briana re-announces that she’ll never speak to Christy again. Briana doesn’t see that she, herself is at the center of her financial AND family drama. But this is only fitting considering the absolute veil of delusion she constantly operates under. For her part, Tonya thinks this accusation about Julie the publicist is whack!
But Terra thinks this is exactly the kind of move Christy would pull; she tried to charge Terra with assault after all. She sees it as Christy’s way of getting Briana back because Christy is all about the long-game revenge. “She is a ho!” screeches Terra, reverting to name calling yet again.
Christy is also “different” lately, claims Briana, hinting at substance abuse. “I don’t know if she’s fighting her demons again…or if she’s on medication…” Briana says, insinuating Christy is either drinking or drugging. Terra immediately pipes up that she and Tonya thought at one point lately that Christy was taking drugs. Tonya wisely says she has no proof, but some “ibuprofen situation” (say what?) found Christy going from boring to dancing on tables in a split second. I’m not totally following Little Boss’s story, but she seems to agree Christy may be messed up on something.
Terra thinks it’s Adderall. She says a year ago, Christy would be melancholy at an event, then pop her (in air quotes) “ibuprofen,” and suddenly be bouncing off the walls.
Briana doesn’t care what Christy’s “ibuprofen” situation is – she simply doesn’t trust her. Elena thinks this whole talk about Christy using drugs is wrong. Christy’s sobriety is an important issue, and these ladies are messing with it in a totally careless way right now. Agreed.
After a cupcake game that reveals the cool-and-edgy name of Briana and Matt’s baby boy (Maverick Jax – which ironically means “standalone rebel” according to Matt, who is himself a jobless leech), Briana starts feeling some major cramping. Fearing she’s going into real contractions – or worse, further complications – she is convinced to leave. Matt walks her out of the party while the girls hope the baby and Briana are okay.
“Uh, that baby’s about to come,” predicts Tonya. Matt and Briana drive off to the hospital to see if this is true.
TELL US: IS CHRISTY ON DRUGS? OR IS SHE THE VICTIM OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN?
Photo Credit: Lifetime