When it comes to the Real Housewives franchise, there are a few things you can count on to happen consistently every season: pointless get togethers will be held (Renewal Party, anyone?) and a cast trip will be taken. The Real Housewives of Potomac got the short end of the stick last year, being sent to Ashley Darby’s Delaware beach house, which ended up to be the total disaster we all imagined it would be. But with a new season comes a new upgrade and these housewives are headed to Bermuda! At the trip planning helm is self-appointed Grande Dame of Potomac, Karen Huger and maybe/sort of/not really Charrisse Jackson-Jordan is there to assist. Just don’t call her an assistant. These two have nothing better to do than plan trips and then fight over who gets to claim hosting privileges and the whole matter (can we really even call it a matter?) still hasn’t been resolved by the time they leave for paradise.
Despite the lack of importance in who is hosting the trip, the confusion for the rest of the ladies deepens when they arrive at their resort in Bermuda and receive welcome baskets signed by only Karen. Of course Charrisse is now feeling extra slighted that her good name was left off some dumb welcome baskets and this type of oversight is coming at the worst possible time for her – not only did she just have a wedding anniversary, which she celebrated by texting Eddie at midnight and got no response, but it’s also her birthday coming up. All these days that are supposed to be happy markers in life are just showing Charrisse that she’s more and more on her own. Not having her name attached to a welcome basket is icing on the cake, I guess? It’s enough to make a gal hit on the bell boy bringing your bags up to the room.
Once everyone has settled into their room and the welcome baskets are dissected, the ladies meet on the front lawn of the resort for dinner. The setup is what I could only describe as the cocktail hour of the smallest wedding ever held and the women look just as unimpressed as I do at home on my couch. There are Gombey dancers, but even they can’t make this snooze fest of a setup exciting. What could make dinner exciting has nothing to do with The Grande Dame’s planning but rather the conversation, starting with Monique FIVE HOUSES Samuels expressing her confusion for who is hosting the trip. OK, so this story line isn’t going anywhere, much to my annoyance. Monique points out to Karen that normally, when a trip is planned and a welcome basket it passed out, everyone who is hosting is included on the signature. I know these women are rich but how many large group trips are they taking in their lifetime? Raise your hand if you knew that there was a well-established protocol in place when it came to welcome baskets on group vacations. Ok now raise your hand if you would give a hoot as to who signed the damn basket? But no one is willing to let Karen off the hook for this and Gizelle Bryant chastises her for not showing sisterhood in sharing the duties of hosting.
Karen snaps at all of them, says to think of the trip as everyone’s and to roll up off her gift baskets! There is no other choice but to change the topic of conversation to Monique’s kid’s birthday party, which we are reminded Gizelle was not invited to. Miss Mo is happy to address it, saying she didn’t want there to be tension and Gizelle says she’s fine with it because she wouldn’t have come anyway. Now despite the cattiness of how that statement sounds, it really did appear that Gizelle was giving her a pass on this one, letting her know she understood why she wasn’t invited. But Monique, insecurities blazing, takes it very personal and uses her talking head to grumble about Gizelle’s outfit looking like she’s about to hit up a strip club. That’s harsh criticism coming from a woman who wore a bathing suit straight out of the Lapdances R Us collection to her daughter’s first birthday.
Robyn Dixon admits she is seeing a therapist and was advised to start dating and while the other women pretend to believe her, Karen does no such thing and laments that Robyn will never get over Juan. Monique mentions she is about to close on their Potomac house and someone asks Karen what her housing situation is. True to self-important form, Karen reminds everyone that her house was sold, with an all cash offer from overseas and then proceeds to yammer on endlessly about her new journey, this new chapter of her life, turning the page, blah blah blah, all while avoiding the real question: if her house sold, where is she going to go? Because Karen can’t set her ego aside and just admit she’s moving out of Potomac, she makes the situation look that much worse and embarrassing for herself as she tries to deflect. The women are on to her and Karen knows it, but with a waive of her hand, tries to dismiss the conversation by saying she’s expanding her empire. Expanding your empire, turning your page, starting a new chapter; call it what you will – you are leaving Potomac and can no longer claim to be the Grande Dame of it.
Once dinner is over, they all head back to Charrisse’s room and Karen pulls Gizelle aside to confide in her that the BBG pulled some strings and got them something really exciting and noteworthy to do in Bermuda….wait for it……a chance to sail with team Japan of the America’s Cup! Oh wow, but who actually cares? Yeah, Gizelle doesn’t and neither does Monique when Karen tells her the same thing. In fact, you can see Miss Mo has no idea what the America’s Cup is. But there is something more sinister that Karen has up her sleeve, even more sinister than forcing grown women onto a competitive sail boat on their beach vacation – she is only bringing Gizelle and Monique (without telling them) to try and force them to mend their differences.
The next day, Gizelle and Karen sit on the bus, waiting to head off to sailing and Monique steps on board, both of them registering what has just happened: that they got played by Karen, the same woman who can barely set up dinner for six.
As the bus starts rolling, Karen tries her hardest to get these two to a good place but you can only lead a horse to water. Gizelle tells Monique she wears her insecurities on her sleeve and Monique tells Gizelle she must be jealous of her and her lifestyle. Gizelle insists she is not and informs Miss Mo that she wouldn’t be here without her husband’s money. This is where I have to disagree with Gizelle’s use of shade, for lack of a better term. Of course we all know that Monique wouldn’t be where she is without her husband’s money but neither would Gizelle. She might be in a different place with a divorce and an ex-husband under her belt but Gizelle should know all too well about riding your husband’s coattails. Just because she’s not doing it anymore, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Nevertheless, nothing is resolved on the bus and they all head over to the sail boat, which they can only ride one at a time. Karen tells Gizelle and Monique that if she can ride on the sailboat, they can find a way to get along. If you’re thinking this was going to be one of those normal, fancy sail boats in the traditional sense, think again. This is one of those sporting ones, that can lift clear out of the water and the only extra space for someone who isn’t sailing the ship (ahem, Karen and friends), is on the netting that is submerged in water half the time.
Karen goes first and while she’s gone, Gizelle is left alone with Monique and gives her a rare moment of reassurance that she can handle the sailboat ride. She does, along with Gizelle and they all hug at the end. Karen claps at the thought of her little plan actually working to bring Gizelle and Monique together but I think it’s a tad premature.
Since they weren’t invited to the Sail for Peace over Pettiness, Charrisse, Robyn and Ashley are left to go to the beach and rent jet skis, which sounds way more fun to me. Once they are done, the ladies sit on the rocks to talk and Ashley admits her recent fighting with Michael and how she threatened him with divorce. She says she didn’t really even consider divorce until they opened their restaurant and questions how strong the foundation of their marriage is if they can’t survive something trivial like blowing a crap ton of personal money on a failing enterprise. Robyn tries to tell her she can still choose her marriage without completely abandoning the restaurant but I think Robyn should steer clear of giving anyone relationship advice in this stage of the game.
Charrisse has planned a sunset cruise for the evening and tells everyone via text to be there in 30 mins. As Charrisse, Robyn and Ashley get their makeup done in their room, they decide to nominate Robyn to go bust in on Karen unexpectedly to see if she actually has a hairstylist there. She does but that’s not the only reason Robyn came. She tells Karen what a hypocrite she’s being for promoting sisterhood and bonding, all while exiling part of the group to a different activity for the day and not allowing Charrisse to help with any planning. Karen is annoyed she’s even being questioned and assumes this is the work of Charrisse. After Robyn leaves, the Grande Dame has decided she’s had enough of being fake nice and goes off on a tirade to the producers about how anyone could marry Eddie Jordan, Charrisse’s alleged firefighter boyfriend and how jealous she must be of Karen.
Sounds like the peacemaker could use some help of her own.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE TRIP SO FAR? ARE THINGS ABOUT TO GET UGLY WITH KAREN AND CHARRISSE?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV