Another day, another drama in the Biermann family. Unfortunately this not one of those lighthearted dramas for a story line. Brielle Biermann’s purse and wallet stolen from her car. Her mom Kim Zolciak stepped in, called the cops, and tweeted about it, of course.
Don’t Be Tardy For The Wedding
Kim Zolciak says NeNe Leakes is slandering her by calling her a racist, so she’s hired an attorney. The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star also claims both she and daughter Brielle Biermann have faced threats as a result of NeNe overreacting to the cockroach video.
“I’ve hired legal counsel at this point. I don’t take this lightly,” Kim explains. “It’s one thing, like I said, to kind of banter back and forth and have an opinion. This is far beyond just having an opinion.”
Sigh. Because what would we do if we didn’t get to see Kim Zolciak’s smoking body at least once every few days, right? Seriously folks, she is at it again, and I am beginning to wonder which Kim is more obsessed with selfies – Zolciak or Kardashian. I mean, we get it Kim Z., you’ve had 6 children and you look amazing, but can you please stop with the selfies that make the rest of us feel like Mama June?
Though Kim’s latest attempt to
show off her body show off her most recent Christmas outfit may have some fans jumping up and down with glee (we would have thought that her near death experience would have taught her a thing or two about not being so vain), not everyone so quick to compliment Kim on how great she looks.
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Kim Zolciak had to bow out of the Dancing With The Stars competition this week, as the Don’t Be Tardy star recently suffered a mini stroke. But despite her recent health scare, Zolciak assured producers that she was cleared to dance, just not to fly, so she was hoping to dance in Atlanta (via satellite). The show, however turned her down, and Kim and her partner Tony Dovolani have been petitioning to get back on the show.
Regardless of how many signatures she manages to gather, it looks as though the show is not budging on allowing Zolciak back into the competition. In fact, long time judge, Carrie Ann Inaba recently spoke out, admitting that it wouldn’t be fair for Zolciak to come back now.
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Kim wrote, "We are officially the "Biermann Bunch" now!" on a photo note that made the arrival announcement, "Guess what?!!! The Twins have arrived! We welcomed first a baby GIRL and second a handsome little BOY! They are both healthy and Kroy and I are so thankful!!" How cute that the boy/girl ratio in the Biermann house stayed evenly split!
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Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos.
And cigarettes and wine.
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Kim Zolciak has the perfect plan for keeping her Bravo spinoff career going: more babies! And more legal dramas!
"We're not done. I think we'll have one more. We'll see." Kim credits Kash being an easy baby as the reason she's ready for a third. "He sleeps 12 hours and wakes up smiling!" Kim told Us Weekly of Kash. "I was the most well-rested new mom on the planet."
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Kim Zolciak will be back to traumatize us next week. Oh how I've missed my television sans wigs, cigs, and mistresses on an egotrip! Luckily for me I will not long await the return of classless wig porn talk, fast food binges, and the bellowing war cry of "SWEEEEETIEEEE!"
Don't Be Tardy premieres with back-to-back episodes next Tuesday! Bravo just released the official press photos of Lady Wigs and her strands of terror.
This season Kim and
lobotomy victim hubby Kroy Biermann balance a blended family in a microscopic 5,000 square-foot townhome while they re-build their used dream home and battle in court with Kim's parents. Kroy makes plans to adopt Kim's daughters Brielle and Ariana. Oh he also plays some football and talks trashy with Kim.
Kim must keep drama stored in her wigs or something because she is never short of it!
A preview for the season is below! Don't Be Tardy premieres next Tuesday at 9/8c.
[Photo Credits: Derek Blanks/Bravo]
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