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Vanderpump Rules

Katie Maloney & Kristen Doute - Vanderpump Rules

Last night we got a psychology lesson about how the brain works on Vanderpump Rules. For whatever reason associating with Kristen Doute, Stassi Schroeder, and Katie Maloney transforms people into the most primal version of themselves – the hideous, scaly monster insider of us all who is operating in a pure rage-mode known as The Reptilian Brain. Either this, or being on reality TV keeps one in a constant stasis of fight with Katie or flight from Katie (on a PJ?!).

The only people NOT using their reptilian brains last night were Tom 1 and … get ready for this: JAX TAYLOR. I mean Jax is literally a reptile. A dinosaur, actually; all gnashing teeth with a brain the size of a peanut despite his enormous hulk. It’s all feed me, f*ck me, leave me… But last night Jax got in touch with his, maybe, Dolphin Brain? I say dolphins because they are a conscious, considerate, evolved species who care for their loved ones.

So as Brittany Cartwright sat moaning in pain from wisdom teeth extraction, Jax made sure she had all her creature comforts: beer cheese and tequila in a baby bottle, a blanket of dogs, and access to her Instagram account. This guy – so ready for marriage and parenthood, y’all! We’ll get back to that idea lates.

And now some other relationships in this cesspool of crocodile mating we call Vanderpump Rules.

Kristen Doute & Brian Carter

Tonight Vanderpump Rules returns with more of Kristen Doutes drama. This time Kristen and Carter find themselves in a huge fight with her besties Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder after Carter accuses them of causing problems for him and Kristen.

Well Kristen is batshit crazy, so I’m not entirely convinced that it’s all Katie and Stassi’s fault. 

Lala Kent

Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent has a reputation for being tough. She stood her ground when she was bullied by Katie Maloney, Kristen Doute and Stassi Schroeder. However, that toughness has also translated into being combative at times. Lala got into several heated arguments with Billie Lee and Raquel Leviss that resulted in her shouting and clapping her hands in their faces. 

At the same time, Lala can be very vulnerable. She has openly discussed her anxiety issues. She also has a soft spot for her friends. Even though she and James Kennedy are on the outs, she decided to be a kind person like her father was, and she let James know she is still there for him. But now it seems that she is the one who needs a friend to lean on. 

Lisa Vanderpump

Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is quickly going to the dogs. And if you’re keeping score, it’s Lisa Vanderpump, the queen of Vanderpump Rules and sometimes MVP of the 90210, and Lucy versus everyone else so far. Lucy made her TV debut during the RHOBH premiere episode. Dorit Kemsley and her husband PK Kemsley adopted her. Unfortunately, Lucy ended up back in a shelter before being rescued again by Vanderpump Dog Foundation.

#DogGate is a scandal that Dorit and PK would have preferred to keep private. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave and Kyle Richards were dragged into #DogGate in the season’s opener when the ladies visited the adoption center and heard about Lucy’s ordeal from Lisa. Teddi subsequently admitted in a confessional that she already knew about Lucy’s ordeal courtesy of a Vanderpump Dog Foundation employee.

Tom Sandoval & Ariana Madix

Here ye, here ye, gather ’round because Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix have an announcement to make!  The bartending Vanderpump Rules couple has purchased their first home together!

Gone are the days of picking what appliance to use before a fuse blows. Now, they are adulting in a $2 million dollar abode. Time to buy a lawnmower!

Kristen Doute Vanderpump Rules

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules we were still trapped in Solvang with Krazy Kristen Doute. Apparently once cameras turned off and we all went to bed, she was haunting the halls of their hotel, screaming JAAAAAMES, and begging for cigarettes. But it’s not about James. It’s about Carter.

Katie Maloney had to take drastic measures to escape Kristen at her worst! It was so bad she chose to spend the night in Super Summer of Single Scheana‘s, room wearing a SUR uniform which was passed to Scheana after Katie’s um, winter body appeared on the scene.

Of course, hearing about her insane drunken behavior the previous night doesn’t stop Kristen from imbibing on their trip to the vineyard, however! Oh no, bring on the Riesling. Glug, slug, slug!

Kristen Doute Vanderpump Rules

Last week, we witnessed the return of Crazy Kristen on Vanderpump Rules. Kristen Doute ate a flower she found on the ground. Then, she stormed out after getting some (apparently upsetting) texts from her man Brian Carter.

It seemed like she was too far gone to return to the girls trip festivities, but she somehow managed to show up for one last drunken appearance. She even fell over onto a coffee table.

Relationship Drama Dominates Vanderpump Rules Mid Season Trailer

It’s hard to believe, but we are halfway through season seven of Vanderpump Rules. So far this season, Lisa Vanderpump unveiled Tom Tom. James Kennedy was fired from SUR…again. Billie Lee is at odds with Lala Kent. Ariana Madix replaced Scheana Marie with Stassi Schroeder as her new BFF. And crazy Kristen Doute almost ruined the girls trip to Solvang. 
One can only imagine what antics are in store for the rest of season. Will Jax Taylor make it a whole season without cheating on Brittany Cartwright? Will Scheana stay “single” or make it official with Adam Spott? Will James get See You Next Tuesday back? Will Lala’s fiancé Randall Emmett make a movie that scores higher than zero on Rotten Tomatoes? Let’s find out!