Remember when Vanderpump Rules kind of revolved around the crazy antics of Kristen Doute being obsessed with her ex? No, I’m not talking about her current obsession with James Kennedy. I am referring to her former (?) obsession with Tom Sandoval. She made the life of Ariana Madix, Tom, and even her friends a living hell. I fondly recall her uttering borderline insane things like, wishing Ariana would get hit by a Mack truck (but not die, just become horribly maimed). After JaxTaylorword on the street told her Tom had been unfaithful to Ariana on a boys’ trip to Miami, she stalked located a random female with some unfortunate facial fillers and brought her to SUR to have a face to face showdown with Tom. At one point she even cornered a grieving Ariana at SUR and called her the c-word, and those are the things on the low end of Kristen’s psychosis.
But time heals all wounds, I guess. Though in proper society, you don’t come back from some of those things. Fortunately for most of the cast, Kristen has gone on to terrorize other people in her life. Tom and Ariana seem to have forgiven Kristen for her personal attacks, insane displays of emotion, and drunken hysterics. Now we are witnessing the birth of a brand new relationship, Kristen and Ariana’s friendship. Without context, it seems rather…odd. And that’s putting it nicely. But how did any of this go down? Was it all a dream? Did we just imagine Krazy Kritter’s 19 personalities wreaking havoc on society? Ariana shared the scoop on how such an unlikely duo joined forces and became “friends”.
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was all about redemption. In a Hollywood kinda way.
Stassi Schroeder is in peril. After years of having bad boyfriends and being able to blame, project and justify her own bad behavior as their fault for having worse behavior, she is now dating the man of her dreams and needs a bad girlfriend detox. Enter Beau Clark: someone who does everything Stassi demands of him, entertains her endlessly, cedes to her tantrums, and accepts that even when Stassi is wearing a mini skirt, she wears the pants. Basically she’s a queen dating the court jester.
But winter is coming and that winter is Stassi’s demand for unwavering sycophancy and the lashing of her evil tongue when Beau doesn’t capitulate. Last time it ended in eczema and tears, but what if someday Beau decides he can no longer take being a battered boyfriend, aka the future subject of a Lifetime Movie?
God this show is getting so asinine. I mean… the plotline for tonight includes a puppy shower for the C-Team, then Stassi Schroeder getting a bad girlfriend exorcism from a witch who’s less WeHo and more Wiccan. Katie Maloney joins Stassi in this and since Katie doesn’t believe she needs any self-improvement in any way, you know this is some BS nonsense!
And then we have the epitome of married bliss, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney. What a perfect example of true unity, am I right? I picture them holding hands, happily skipping through a field of edibles wildflowers, and toasting each other on being the forefront of #relationshipgoals. So what is the secret to their love that shines so bright? I’m not entirely sure we want to know…
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was one of the most boring and utterly pointless (re: contrived) episodes we’ve seen in a long time. Clearly this season is running out of steam if the major happenings are Raquel Leviss trying – and failing – to invite people to a “Puppy Shower” for her dog, or Lala Kent having a low-grade panic attack after too many edibles drinks in Mexico.
Like really, how many times can we watch Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark have the same whiny crying fight with their puffy hung-over faces and snotty tears? UGH. How many times can we watch Katie Maloney make fun of Tom 2‘s dick. I mean, we get it – sometimes it’s invisible, other times hidden behind a mini bag of Lays Potato Chips. And honestly how many times can we watch James Kennedy grovel for acceptance and forgiveness? James let your self-esteem be like Tom 2’s peen – a grower, not a show-er.
The only drama was drunk Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark cry-whining at each other about their relationship values (aka – when, where and at what time it’s acceptable to get wasted), and Beau is so the guy who wipes his snot with the back of his hand, or the corner of his pillow, instead of using a tissue. And Stassi she is so the type who uses an actual human to wipe her snot and blow her nose on, because people are no better than Kleenex. Like Stassi said, “I never get FOMO,” because in Stassi’s world she causes the FOMO. GET THE MEMO, BEAU!
The event was very Lisa with touches of pink everywhere for the big opening. Lisa’s husband Ken Todd was there, of course. So were their two kids Pandora Vanderpump and Max Todd. And once again, I’m wondering why they have different last names. But I’ve digressed. Pretty much everyone from the Vanderpump Rules cast was there. Even Lisa’s beloved dog Giggy. However, there was only one Real Housewife of Beverly Hills at the opening.