We celebrated Tom Sandoval‘s birthday on last night’s Vanderpump Rules and the theme was being extra. As if this group even has to try! Hey, at least it wasn’t more wedding nonsense.
Ugh – every time I reach a place where I kinda like Lala Kent, she goes and acts like a horrific ego-consuming monster whose such a bitch that I’m right back to wanting to smash cupcakes in her face. Super fattening, gluten-y, sugary cupcakes. Lala is a wench. A worse wench than Stassi Schroeder ever was in her Stasstrocious heyday. Lala is Jax Taylor bad. She’s also a dry drunk. Someone who has treated the symptom, not the disease. Lala reminds me of Kim Richards, formerly of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, now of never-to-be-published salacious memoir because Kyle Richards will tie your ass up in cord for ad infinitum. Which is also how long it will take Lala to realize that she’s a horrible human being who is still secretly in love with James Kennedy.
Anyway, these are my preliminary thoughts on last night’s Vanderpump Rules.
We are finally done with Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding, way too many episodes later. Especially when there are thousands of cast members on Vanderpump Rules.
Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright got married in June 2019, but thanks to Vanderpump Rules, the wedding is still dragging out. Not only, did we have to watch multiple episodes of pre-wedding events, but the cast is still dishing on all of the drama.
Mainly, Jax has been at war with best man Tom Sandoval, who he kicked out of the wedding before he changed his mind and let him back in. Tom seemed to really come through that weekend. He had alcohol, toiletries, umbrellas, and even some tampons on hand just in case anyone had an emergency. Truthfully, he came across like the ideal best man, despite Jax giving him a low grade for his role. And Lala Kent agrees, which is not surprising since she’s been on the warpath against Tom and Ariana Madix recently.
Jax Taylor finally got married on last night’s Vanderpump Rules, metamorphosing from Jax to Jason. Even so Tom Sandoval was the true knight in shining armor. Tom had tampons, tissues, White Claw, vodka, an endless supply of giving and support. What did Jax have besides patchy sideburns and a mistaken understanding that getting married does not allow one legal ownership over your spouses breast implants.
Although how fantastic would it be if Brittany Cartwright threw the removed implants on the table at their inevitable divorce trial?! Which from the mid-season preview seems like it’s coming sooner rather than later. The shelf life of an implant is what – max, 10 years? The shelf life of a marriage to Jax Taylor has to be more like 2.2 years. Maybe 2.4 if there’s an extended separation. And probably more like 1.4 if Vanderpump Rules cameras turn off. Marriage Bootcamp only films for 5 weeks.
Anyhoodle, yes, Jax and Brittany finally finally finally made it down the aisle in the unrelenting sun of a Kentucky summer, leaving their guests to wilt and melt in 96 degree weather without any shade. Except for Tom 1 running around holding out parasols. Add that to his list of positives! After all this Jax only gives Tom 1 a B- or C in the best man performance grade.
We will finally be put out of our misery tonight! We finally get to see Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright get married on Vanderpump Rules tonight! This whole season has been leading up to this wedding and it’s finally here. Praise Mamaw.
Of course, their wedding will have some drama. Kristen Doute and her non-boyfriend [Brian] Carter get into a heated exchange at the reception and most likely end up hooking up after anyway. Stassi Schroeder starts to wonder if she and Beau Clark will ever get engaged. Spoiler alert: they will.
Currently, Vanderpump Rules have been suffering because this entire season has revolved around Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s wedding festivities. We get it: a wedding is a special life milestone. However, pretty much every episode this season has been about the wedding and we still haven’t seen any footage of the actual wedding. Hopefully, we will all be put out of our misery this week. But, something tells me, it will somehow continue into next week’s new episode. Ugh.
Lala Kent’s wedding is coming up in April. Well, hopefully, it is. With the Coronavirus outbreak, many big events have been postponed or canceled. For instance, the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion has been postponed due to Coronavirus. However, Lala thinks she would never get the virus unless God wants to give her “a little publicity for the wedding.” Yes, she actually said that. And, she’s not the only one with Corona-related wedding worries on Vanderpump Rules. Recently, Tom Schwartz expressed concerns about the impact of Coronavirus on Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark’s upcoming wedding in Rome, Italy. It should be noted that their wedding isn’t scheduled until Fall 2020.
Hopefully, all of this Coronavirus madness is resolved way before that. (But, again, we want to emphasize that we understand there are more important things to worry about than weddings and reality TV during this tough time. We are just reporting the news and trying to satiate the craving for reality TV content that our readers may have).
This season of Vanderpump Rules has subjected us to way too much Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright wedding content. But, off-screen, there’s some serious drama popping off. On recent episodes, Ariana Madix has been very open about her depression, admitting she wanted to drive away from her life.
She shared some of her feelings with Stassi Schroeder and Lala Kent, who inisted she was a “safe place” to open up. However, that same episode also included a montage of Lala dissing Ariana and referring to her as a “wet blanket.” After that episode aired, Ariana’s man Tom Sandoval came at Lala for proclaiming to be a “safe space,” yet making “nasty comments” about Ariana. Then, Lala clapped back with an Instagram live rant, maintaining that she’s a “damn good friend.” Lala also proclaimed that Ariana feels unsafe in her own skin and is probably projecting.