Last night brought us the 13th episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, featuring the big showdown between Danielle Staub and former BFF Kim Granatell.

After watching the drama that took place between these two, I only have three questions. Who is nuttier between the two? Who is the bigger drama queen? And did Danielle finally meet her match in Kim G?

The episode begins with the morally and financially bankrupt Giudices, who have now come up with another creative way to continue living beyond their means, even after filing bankruptcy. Joe and Teresa visit the Brownstone to plan out yet another party. This time around, it’s for baby Audriana‘s christening and Teresa declares she wants ice sculptures. Teresa then reveals that the cause of Dina not being around anymore is Danielle. Evidently their close friendship only extended to being in front of Bravo cameras.

Next up we see Danielle pull up to a hospital, and we soon find out this TMI hospital visit is for her 16-year-old daughter’s first visit to see a OB-GYN, and I find myself asking if it was really necessary for Danielle to bring the cameras around for something so private. I mean it’s bad enough Christine has Danielle for a mother, is it really necessary to have her OB-GYN appointments filmed? Are we about to see poor Christine’s pap smear? Are the other home viewers as uncomfortable for Christine as I am at this point? Thankfully, we find out this appointment was more of a talking one. Danielle decides she isn’t done embarrassing her daughter on national television and proceeds to ask her if she’s having sex or “being a good girl” rather. An embarrassed Christine refuses to answer, and we get a HPV after school special. In this scene we also find out born again virgin Danielle does not date, not surprising considering she’s too busy making sex tapes with randoms.

Christopher Manzo is playing some pool with best friend John G. who just happens to be Kim G’s son. Kim G. decides to randomly show up with some popcorn for the adult men, and immediately gives us this awkward scene when she tries to get Christoper to arrange a playdate between she and Caroline. “Umm… Why don’t we go with you,” is what Chris is able to muster up. Kim G. is game and ready to do whatever it takes to become a regular on the show Caroline Manzo’s new BFF!

It’s the day of the wedding quinceanera christening and we see Teresa getting her girls ready. “Mom, where’s my purse? Can I wear my silver Juicy Couture one?” asks diva in training Gia. Teresa shares that Joe’s a little grumpy this morning due to working long hours in the pizzeria, oops his father’s pizzeria that is of course. Me thinks Joe’s a little grumpy cause he had just gone bankrupt trying to make his wife happy, but that’s just me.


Dina Manzo, who seems to be even more zen than usual, shows up and is ready to dress her Goddaughter. And how many times does Dina use the word ‘beautiful’ in this episode by the way? Teresa then shares with us reason #183 she is bankrupt, when she reveals she always hires professional photographers and videographers for all her kids’ christenings.

Danielle decides to pay a visit to the three-faced Kim G. and in what we can only describe as foreshadowing, Danielle is seen going on and on about Kim G. being her “dearest friend” in her personal interview. Danielle brings up her adopted mother and shares that her mother was not able to protect her from a lot of abuse that took place while growing. As part of her new love and light outlook on life, Danielle reveals she wants to try to find her real mother. “I just want to smell her. I want to smell my mom,” says a tearful Danielle.

Kim G. offers to help Danielle and the love-fest between the two peas in a pod, who might or might not have fallen the same exact tree branch coincidentally, continues. “Next lifetime, can one of us be a man?” asks Danielle implying the two would be perfect together as a couple. And by next lifetime, Danielle means a few more months, you know when she realizes the amount of publicity that can be generated from a faux same-sex relationship.

It is now time for the christening party as the guests fill up the Manzo Brownstone. Jacqueline jokingly states the christening was very Teresa like and more like a wedding. And when she says “very Teresa like,” she means way over the top, unaffordable and beyond her means. We see more of Christoper Manzo, who states he put the “circus” together. Great choice of words there Chris! And despite the fact that Dina did most of the work planning the event, Mama bear Caroline loves her baby and is ready & willing to give Chris credit for the event, saying she is very proud of him.

“Every time I throw a party, I go all out. Over 200 people drinking, dancing, having a great time. We party all night,” says the bankrupt Teresa. Before the party ends, Joe makes yet another money joke when he states he is leaving early because he doesn’t want to see the bill.

Danielle is out with her two daughters during which Christine reveals her friend overheard the eyebrow lady, who had overheard Teresa, talking about Danielle’s plan to search for her birth mom. Danielle reveals she’s a little upset, and for the first time in the Real Housewives of New Jersey history, it seems Danielle actually does have a right to be upset and isn’t overreacting to something. It’s very understandable that Danielle should be the one to tell her daughters about something this personal. Danielle takes a step out to place a phone call to her girlfriend Danny, as they both contemplate the next action Danielle needs the take. I’m guessing Danielle’s lightist was busy or something.

Caroline pays her baby Christopher a visit at work, during Chris tells her about Kim G’s wish to hang out with her. Caroline isn’t having it, and states “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Caroline once again makes perfect sense this episode when she wonders why Kim G. wants to hang out with her, when she was just with Danielle at the courthouse.

Kim G. decides to pay neighbor Jacqueline a visit, saying she was just passing by, and by passing by, she means someone had alerted her that the Bravo camera crew was around. Kim G. immediately begins her cursing tirade. “She’s such a motherf*cker,” says the classy one, just seconds after apologizing for using an earlier curse word in front of Jacqueline’s infant son. Kim G. states that Danielle’s big offense is that she emailed others telling them not to be friends with her, before going on and on about what a great friend she has been to Danielle. Jacqueline tries her best to keep a straight face before going on to tell Kim G. she is two faced by going back and forth between she and Danielle. “She can go f*cking scratch my ass okay, I’m done with her,” states Kim G.

Finally it’s the big showdown between Danielle and Kim G. The confrontation begins and Danielle brings up Christine finding out about her search for her birth mother. Oddly enough, Kim G. never denies telling Teresa or any of the others about Danielle’s business. The argument escalates and Kim G raises her voice, causes a big scene and even throws a napkin at Danielle, and for the first time it seems Danielle might have just been out-crazied. Danielle, appearing a bit taken back by Kim G’s dramatics, decides to walk up and leave. “Kim G. showed her true colors, and it was a huge display of disgusting,” Danielle says in her interview.

Kim G. follows Danielle and continues her over the top rage outside, giving us the best quote of the night, “You have no friends, look at you, you’re going to be a old f*cking old lady with your fake and square f*cking tits.” And end scene. Must say Kim G. is truly a classless piece of work. It’s really a wonder she and Danielle couldn’t make their friendship work, as they are both very deserving of one another.


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