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The super-sized Real Housewives of New Jersey part 1 reunion episode aired last night. The good news? With the exception of some of our brain cells, the show ended with no casualties.

For some odd reason, I assumed the highly promoted “fight scene” between Teresa, Danielle and innocent bystander Andy, would occur in part 2 of the reunion set to air next week, but thanks to the ape-like animal instincts of Teresa Giudice, all the drama went down within the first 20 minutes of the show!

The reunion started out with host Andy Cohen greeting each of the ladies, while issuing them phony compliments, buttering them up for the madness that is about to ensue. Andy decides to ask the ladies about that other little Jersey show aka the Jersey Shore, and Teresa, who likes to request an occasional spanking on her bottom in public, immediately lets us know she does not approve. When asked why, Teresa reveals one of the female cast members jumped into bed with a guy on the show after barely knowing him.

All was going well until Teresa decided to take a dig at Danielle 2 minutes into the show. “I think Danielle could relate to them, right Danielle? Because after a week you met Steve, you slept with him in my Shore house, in front of your kids. That was okay, right, right?” Danielle calmly refers to Teresa as insane, and Teresa retorts by calling Danielle a pig. Jacqueline chimes in, stating that Danielle’s kids heard her having sex with her ex Steve on that faithful day. More on Danielle’s kids later, as we will discover their mother’s actions is taking a toll on them.

Andy decides to ask the ladies how their kids are dealing with the notoriety of the show. Danielle immediately lets us know her kids are doing amazingly well, you know, despite the fact that their prostitution whore of a mother is on national television acting loony, and released a sex tape just a few months ago.

Danielle is accused of not congratulating Jacqueline when she had her baby boy. So she congratulates Jacqueline, who fake accepts the congrats. Dina Manzo‘s name comes up, and the big topic of last year’s reunion show is brought up, which was the accusation by the other ladies that Danielle did something very awful to Dina. Dina has since come out this year, stating in a national magazine that Danielle offered unsolicited help to her ex-husband to try to have her daughter taken away from her. But what we didn’t know is that following the publication of Dina’s interview with Life&Style magazine, Danielle had her lawyers issue a gag order to Dina, forbidding her from discussing Danielle’s role in whole issue.

“We can’t talk about it. Can’t talk about it! End, done, next,” proclaims Caroline Manzo. Danielle doesn’t yield to Caroline’s command and continues to discuss the issue. “Do not speak of my sister! Did you hear what I said? Do not speak of my sister, she is not here!” screams Caroline.

And I have nothing against Caroline, but at this point I’m trying to figure out who died and made her authority over what can and cannot be discussed. Yes, I understand she wants to defend her sister, but that sister was a part of the show this season, and because she chose not to attend the reunion doesn’t make her exempt from discussion. Caroline came off as a major bully in this scene.

Some more words are exchanged amongst the ladies, and Teresa brings up the fact that Danielle failed to acknowledge Jacqueline’s son. “Do you acknowledge your nephew?” are the words uttered by Danielle, obviously meant to get a reaction out of Teresa. “Yes of course I did,” calmly replied Teresa before giving us a delayed reaction by going into an extreme rage! “Do not bring up my family!” screamed out a very angry Teresa. “You bitch, you f*cking bitch,you piece of sh*t, you motherf*cker,” were the words of Teresa, who I found out last night is actually college educated with a marketing degree.

Andy Cohen even got a powerful shove from the angry Teresa as he tried to hold her back from Danielle, who calmly walked off the stage. Okay, yes Danielle tried to push Teresa’s buttons but Teresa’s reaction was over the top, uncalled for, and pretty much a very unnecessary sequel to last season’s table flipping. Let’s assume Danielle’s accusation is untrue, why react like a lunatic? By now, we all realize what a trouble maker and sh*t stirrer Danielle is, why give her that reaction? It seems to me that Teresa’s over the top reaction as more to do with the other issues going on in her life at the moment.

We are back from commercial break and we see Caroline, who looks a bit mortified, attempting to calm down an enraged Teresa backstage. Danielle wonders out-loud why her life and past is fair game, but she’s not allowed to bring up their dirt, which is a sorta valid point. “It’s true, she didn’t even acknowledge her nephew,” says Danielle to her new posse.

Back on stage, Andy Cohen grows some balls, albeit very little balls according to the good folks at AbsurdtoSublime, when he tells Teresa she must keep her animal rage in check! Danielle is backstage relishing in her role as a victim, while being consoled by her ever changing posse. With a hug from her rumored lesbian superstar superhero girlfriend Lori Michaels, Danielle is ready to face her foes once again.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REMAINDER OF THE RECAP! -

While backstage, I noticed Caroline mentioning something about Lori wanting to come on the stage, basically insinuating that Lori might be a threat to Teresa. And this scene is exactly why I truly dislike this NJ cast with a passion. It’s sickening, and borderline nauseating to see how Caroline will defend to the end the ridiculous behavior of the likes of Teresa. Teresa shoved Andy, got in Danielle’s face, and made threats to Danielle, but Caroline is backstage trying to insinuate that Lori is the dangerous one. Yes she criticized Teresa for her behavior but her comments about Lori were downright ridic!

Danielle returns and the reunion must go on. Caroline’s footage from the season is shown and when it comes to her son, Albie Mchottie Manzo’s learning disability, the Mama Bear immediately bursts into tears when talking about his ADD. As for Albie’s update, Caroline shares he’s still trying to get into law school though “it’s not looking too positive right now.”

Danielle’s comments about her dogs wearing leopard clothing is brought up and Caroline decides Danielle was equating Teresa’s kids to animals. I absolutely disagree with this. While I believe Danielle was dissing Teresa’s clothing choice for her kids, and insinuating she dressed her kids better, I don’t think Danielle was comparing Teresa’s kids to animals at all.

Andy asks Caroline about her comments regarding what she said about Danielle’s kids being blank. While I do agree with Caroline’s comments, I do find myself asking why there is such a ridiculous double standard when it comes to Danielle. Caroline was just yelling minutes before that her sister Dina/family is off limits, but here she sits, completely unapologetic about calling someone else’s kids “blank,” which despite being true, is a bit of a cruel thing to say, and something I would definitely call fighting words.

On the topic of Danielle’s children, Jacqueline reveals that Danielle’s claims that are kids are doing just great is completely false because she has heard about the kids crying a lot in school. “Do you know they cry at school everyday? About the rumors and things they hear,” asks Jacqueline who actually appeared to be genuinely concerned. Must say I have a lot to say about this topic as hearing Jacqueline say this got me a bit emotional trying to imagine what these kids are going through.

Talking negatively about the kids of the Real Housewives is something I try to avoid and stay away from, even if the “kid” is an adult. If you haven’t noticed by now, I even tend to go easy on Ashley Holmes. My reason is that the kids, despite their involvement in the shows, did not sign up for this. With that being said, I have read and seen a lot of viewers talk about how well adjusted and well behaved Danielle Staub’s daughters are, which I actually agree with considering who their mother is. Without wanting to be a Debbie Downer, what I have always wanted to say is that appearances can be deceiving. Despite how well behaved and well adjusted these girls seem, there is a very good chance there is a lot of hurt and damage going on within them that we do not know of.

Jacqueline’s comments about what the girls are going through seems extremely believable to me. I’m not sure if you all remember high school and middle school, but kids can be cruel, very cruel. It’s hard enough being a kid, without having a mother like Danielle Staub, who decided to create a sex tape and sell it to the highest bidder without even considering the impact it will have on her young daughters, umm all allegedly ofcouse :) What am I trying to say? As much as I’m rooting for these girls, something tells me they will be very very broken and messed up for a very very long time with the mother that they have been cursed with. I foresee a lot of therapy in the future of these young girls as they have a very toxic, disturbing and manipulative human being for a mother. With that being said, I truly hope I am wrong, and wish nothing but the absolute best for them. They really do seem like amazing girls in spite on their mother. I will move on.

It is now Teresa’s turn in the hot seat, and I must say I was looking forward to seeing Andy grill her about her irresponsible spending and $11 mil debt. Unfortunately for us, Jacqueline and Caroline can’t help themselves, as they both kept chiming in and coming to Teresa’s defense.

Teresa definitely brought the lols when she states, “Do we believe anything that the NYPost writes?” Umm earth to Teresa, there are court documents to back up the NYPost’s story. Court documents detailing the exact amount you owe to your creditors. Court documents that are required by law for those who choose to declare bankruptcy. As I sit here and watch this scene, I still can’t believe this woman is college educated.

Jacqueline however makes certain to let us know Teresa has been working every minute of every hour of every single day since the bankruptcy. What Jacqueline failed to reveal is that her good friend also went on a disgusting shopping spree of over $50,000 just days after filing bankruptcy. And when it comes to the photos of her home items set to be auctioned off, Teresa states she hasn’t seen the pictures. Andy asks a great follow up when he wants to know if she is in denial over her current situation. Instead of screaming out a “Yes!” Teresa claims she is not in denial, but rather choosing to ignore the negative.

When it comes to Joe widely publicized DUI, Caroline actually disputes Teresa’s ridiculous claim that Joe’s yawning caused the accident. “I don’t think he yawned. I think he fell asleep and thought he yawned,” sniped Caroline. Whoa! Did Caroline just call Teresa out? Has Caroline finally seen the light? My joy is however short lived as seconds later, Caroline comes to Teresa’s defense, when she states the reason Joe was drinking afterwards was because “he was very shaken up.”

Danny Provenzano is brought up and the other ladies pretty much accuse Danielle of having an affair with Danny, thus leading to the demise of his marriage. Danielle denies this, claiming she only filmed with Danny. For some odd reason, me thinks I believe Teresa and Jacqueline on this issue. And I also discovered last night that good ol Danny is not only an ex-con, but also an actor, producer and a screen writer. He even appeared on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show in 2003 to promote his movie, “This Thing of Ours.Didn’t realize the Jimmy Kimmel show had been on that long…

Danielle’s sex tape is brought up and Jacqueline reveals what we all suspect which is that the “sex tape” looks more like a “bad acting porn” than an actual sex tape. And despite the fact that both TMZ and Hustler, the porn company that released the tape, have stated Danielle made the tape in August 2009, Danielle lies denies this, claiming the tape was made years ago. Righttt Danielle.

Danielle then goes on to tell the biggest lie known to mankind when she claims she has not received any money from the sales of the tape. Danielle claims she couldn’t stop the release of the tape and didn’t even attempt to try to stop the release because she couldn’t afford to. These are the comments of a woman who was able to successfully stop the release of her first porn tape, and a woman who can afford to pay her lawyers to prosecute a case against a 19-year-old who pulled out her hair extensions, but when it comes to one of the most important things in her life, she decides to concede and not even attempt to try to stop the release?

At this moment, I realize this woman is truly a pathological and disturbed being, in addition to being a bold faced liar. When it comes to sex tapes, no major porn company will release the porn tape of a public figure and risk a lawsuit. If Hustler released Danielle’s porn tape, I mean let’s call it what it is, it’s a porno and not a sex tape, without her permission, her chances of winning a lawsuit against them is pretty much 99.9999%. Assuming Danielle could not afford to persecute the case, what lawyer would not relinquish the opportunity to pursue such a case which is pretty much a sure win?

Below is what RadarOnline has to say regarding “celebrities” and their sex tapes -

“Multiple legal experts have confirmed that all parties involved in a sex tape must consent to the release or else it is a slam-dunk lawsuit for the party that didn’t consent. If the tape is released, the party who hasn’t agreed can sue for invasion of privacy and a host of other legal issues. And they are nearly guaranteed of a huge court victory.”

To sum this up, there’s about a 99.99% chance Danielle is getting a share of the profits being made from her sex tape.

The ‘Nephew’ - Since Danielle brought up Teresa’s nephew on last night’s show, causing Teresa to go insane, there have been a ton of speculation and rumors regarding this. And by a ton, I mean a TON. In fact, yesterday brought the most traffic ever in the history of Reality Tea.

The big rumor is that Danielle’s nephew reference was regarding an alleged love child of Joe’s. I can say that this is false. While I do not know whether or not Joe might have a love child, I do know Danielle’s reference on last night’s show was 100% percent regarding Teresa’s nephew (son of her younger brother Giuseppe Gorga).

Things however get a little shaky when it comes to the issue Danielle is referring to. The most credible info I have received regarding this issue is that Teresa’s brother recently had a son with an African American woman. The speculation is that Teresa and her family have had a hard time accepting this kid due to his mixed race. This is all rumor and all hear say at this time. What I can verify is that Teresa does indeed have a nephew. Teresa has posted on her twitter that she will address this issue on her Bravo blog, which has yet to be published at the writing of this blog entry.

As for the rumors of Joe having a kid with a girlfriend named Tara G, I have no solid info regarding that. I did receive an email that seemed a bit credible saying this alleged mistress is actually named Tara F, with some other details regarding this person. However, no solid proof was provided about an alleged affair and love child. At this point, this is really all hearsay.

With that being said, the Real Housewives of NJ was quite draining. I almost missed the days of listening to Kelly Bensimon’s incoherent rambling on the NYC Housewives’ reunion show.

UPDATE – The nephew is the son of Teresa’s brother Giuseppe and his wife Melissa, who is Italian. A source tell us the two are happily married, have a daughter together, and recently welcomed their son. They even attended the recent kindergarten graduation ceremony of Teresa’s daughter Gabriella. So perhaps Danielle’s claim was all smoke…

TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE RECAP AND PART 1 OF THE REUNION?

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