The fourth episode of the Real Housewives if Miami aired last night bringing us yet another cooking party to go along with a slain pig (sorry PETA) and a lackluster proposal, but fret not as the always glamorous Elsa made an appearance on the show.
The show starts off with Larsa Pippen and her kids at a zoo home with their pet lizards, tortoises and bunnies. Not a problem for Larsa, who lets us know the pets are the responsibilities of her nannies. Larsa reveals the kids get to have their pets as a reward for getting good grades, and at this rate, we can expect pet tigers and rattle snakes on the Real Housewives of Miami season 6. Oh who am I kidding? This show isn’t making it past season 1!
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Alexia and her hubby Herman visit a pig farm as we are informed that picking out live pigs to grill is a part of Herman’s culture. For some odd reason, Alexia, who might or might not be a major airhead, spends the entire time complaining about the smell. Earth to Alexia – pigs do not smell like roses! Upon arriving back home, Herman tries to get Alexia’s help in seasoning the pig but she wants no parts of it. “Do you know what it feels like? It’s like an animal that’s dead in my hand,” states the insightful Alexia on having to hold a dead animal in her hands.
Marysol and her beau Phillipe head out to eat, setting the tone for one of the most somber proposals ever. Something about this scene was just weird or was it that it seemed staged? From the awkward convo to Marysol’s super slow drawl, add in the lack of energy to the couple’s seemingly lack of chemistry – It all just seemed a little weird. Phillipe tells Marysol he visited Elsa her father to get permission for her hand in marriage, and then proceeds to propose with a ring that looked like a costume jewelry, all thanks to Elsa. Marysol accepts the proposal, and looks to be happy but has a hard time expressing her emotions, all thanks to the countless shots of botox and injectables. Marysol’s face fails to move though I’m certain I saw some joy in those eyes!
Following her crime against fashion on the previous episode, those crafty folks at Bravo decide to give us a closer look into Lea’s fashion sense. Lea decides to do some shopping with people who are clearly not her friends, as she reveals her good friend Lourdes is always trying to get her to buy more up to date high couture fashion. Evidently Miami high couture is code for clothes you would find in the back of your granny’s closet. Lea, who doesn’t believe in using dressing rooms, tries on some atrocious fashions and ends up purchasing some of the more hideous attires.
It is now time for Alexia‘s pig feast with all the ladies. Vegetarian Lea is appalled by the sight of a roasting pig and makes a big scene, while Marysol salivates at the visual. Lea proceeds to have an anxiety attack over all the pork in front of her and fortunately for Lea, her groupie is there to fan her. Adriana – like a Sweetie but without the paycheck – which would make her a sl, aw never mind. The group sits to eat and while Larsa, Lea and Alexia don’t indulge in the puerco, Marysol makes certain to eat enough for all of them. “I think she started to oink by the end of the night,” states the sometimes very funny Larsa.
Marysol and Phillipe announce their engagement, and while the others congratulate, a tipsy/loud/obnoxious Lea proceeds to make some not so nice jokes. “I did not know he needed a green card,” cackles Lea to only a few awkward laughs. Evidently, what Lea doesn’t eat in the meat, she more than makes up for with the alcohol! And if the joke doesn’t succeed the first time, try try again as Lea goes on to make the same joke again and again. “No I’m not. I just say what everyone else is thinking,” answers Lea when someone tells her she is drunk. Larsa makes a good point in her interview when she states Lea believes saying hurtful jokes is okay as long as it’s accompanied with a laugh. A bit ironic though coming from the source.
It is now time for the always glamorous Elsa! As Marysol pays her mama a visit to help her pick out a wedding dress. Um didn’t she just get engaged two seconds ago? Oh well, it doesn’t matter! She is moving full speed ahead with this wedding, which we discover might be her third or fourth, which would also explain her lack of excitement at Phillipe’s proposal. She’s been there, done that! As for the reason for the rush, Marysol reveals she doesn’t want the snow in Aspen to melt but here’s to hoping she made time for a prenup.
It’s our first RPP of the episode as Camille Larsa phones a Nanny Service for some help. Larsa needs a new nanny because you know, she had her mommy fire the old one a while back. Larsa explains she is beginning to lose her mind at having to actually take care of her own kids, but the jobless Larsa doesn’t just want any ol nanny. They have to be perfect, speak good English, have a “normal” name, have youthful essence, in addition to experience in taking care of exotic lizards and bunnies, and did I mention have “normal names?” Yikes. While I get Larsa’s dry wit and sarcasm most of the time, she definitely comes across as an immature high school mean girl at heart.
Cristy and Alexia visit a designer to get ready for a fashion show they have been invited to walk in. We discover Cuban Barbie is more than happy to lend her Barbie bod to the poor local designers who will never be discovered. Alexia tries on some interesting gowns, while Cristy seems to try on the skankier ones. How fitting. Cristy then promises the fashion show will be very tropical and Islandy. “If you were expecting to come in here and see something like New York runway, you’re in for a very big surprise,” she says. Oh Cristy, we weren’t.
Next, we see Adriana and her son as they visit Lea‘s home to deliver the self portrait she purchased from her gallery, while Lea pretends she doesn’t already have a spot all picked out for the ginormous portrait. The price tag? A cool $10,000! You go Adriana! Not bad for simply kissing someone’s ass 24/7. Not bad at all. The two ladies then sit to have a talk, and we find out Lea’s not only Adriana’s shero, but she also moonlights as her friend, therapist, fairy godmother, financial advisor, business consultant etc. But today, she dons the hat of a therapist! Lea suspects all’s not well in Adriana land, and like a bad psychic, starts to bring up random topics to see which will stick. Lea keeps poking and poking and poking and tada! Something sticks and she gets some tears from Adriana, who breaks down when talking about her relationship with fiance Frederic. Lea comforts Adriana, feels validated and needed again, and all ends well. Holy Jill Zarin! Let’s just hope Adriana doesn’t become successful, get pregnant, or write a best selling book anytime soon.
Cristy and her friend Luqui (not sure Larsa would approve of this name) head out to dinner, during which Cristy fills her in on the invoice Lea sent her for crashing the charity gala. Cristy calls Lea “tacky” and “classless” and I couldn’t agree more! I mean how dare Lea? Does she not realize Cristy is the ex-wife of a retired NBA all star & was kind enough to lend her celebrity for the night? The nerve. “I don’t really give a sh*t to be honest. I’ve gone to a million events in my life,” says Cristy and by gone, she means crashed.
Marysol and her Phillipe are now in Aspen to tie the knot, and I ask again, didn’t they just get engaged a few seconds ago? What is the hurry? Oh yeah, the melting snow as Marysol kindly reminds me. Definitely not the green card or anything else, but Phillipe does have a green card right? Oh well, it doesn’t matter as Marysol is pleased Phillipe is willing to forgo his family attending their wedding for her happiness. Uh uh. Marysol then feels guilty for feeling nervous about the wedding in comparison to a very calm Phillipe . So let’s tally this up, Phillipe has seen future Marysol Elsa and knows she has 2 – 3 failed marriages, yet still isn’t nervous about a quickie wedding? Perhaps a drunk Lea was on to something after all.
Watch What Happens Live – The scheduled guests last night were both Larsa Pippen and Kathy Griffin, but Larsa did not show and Andy failed to acknowledge her absence or the fact that he mentioned last week that Larsa would be on the show. I had heard reports that Larsa wasn’t happy with Bravo and her “edit” this season, so I suspect that might have something to do with it. Larsa was also missing from the premiere party Bravo threw for the show.
TELL US – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE RECAP, WWHL & LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE?