It’s here! The last episode of Millionaire Matchmaker ever! Well, at least for this year. It is still undecided what the future of Millionaire Matchmaker will be, but if last night’s episode is the last match we will see by the Millionaire’s Club, I have definitely been left satisfied. Tables turn as Patti Stanger is the client this week — Does that mean she is a millionaire?
Destin (not Devin — my apologies) and Rachel plan a one-on-one meeting with their client Patti. Patti wants her friends to come along
so they can be her spies to help pick her match. It is quite silly to watch Rachel and Destin ask Patti silly questions about what she looks for in a guy. I think we all know Patti just looks for a guy who will look at her.
Patti explains she doesn’t care about money because all she has is money — I was waiting for her to rip out her “I’m Rich, B*tch” shirt. I think Nene Leakes would be proud. She also wants a guy who is good in bed — is Destin supposed to hold try-outs?
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Now, I really think this is Bravo’s last run of Millionaire Matchmaker and I have several reasons for this: First, the omnipresent flashbacks throughout this episode — just in case, we wanted to suffer through Patti’s behavior again. Also, this is first time Patti matches herself – something Bravo has been putting off for a while. And I highly doubt Andy Cohen still loves his Patti after she put her foot in her mouth all this season.
Recruiting session sans Patti is as Destin explains calm, no yelling, and all around better. To remind us of how painful the recruiting sessions are with Patti — Bravo cues more flashbacks. Seriously, I should have played a drinking game with every time Bravo showed a flashback. I would probably enjoy this episode a little more.
The best part of the recruiting session is when Patti’s friend Rose has an awkward run-in with a guy she met on the Internet. You could totally tell this was not planned, awkward! Makes me wonder why Rose would seek an Internet dating service instead of her best friend that happens to own a dating service? Hmm….
Patti is nervous for her mixer, and she is taking advice from her astrologer and being vulnerable. I like vulnerable Patti — she is actually likeable! Then, Bravo reminds us why we don’t like Patti with flashbacks of her from previous mixers. If Bravo cut out all the flashbacks, this episode would only be twenty minutes.
The potential dates hoot and holla as Patti makes her way to the men. Embarrassed Patti says why am I doing this? I liked seeing Patti sweat a little and see how awkward it is for her clients. Patti seems to follow a few of her clients’ leads by playing twenty questions, testing the guys, and telling a guy she is wet. Inappropriate, much?
The problem with the mixer is Patti doesn’t see anyone she wants to sleep with — hello, the penis isn’t allowed to do the picking! But I guess the girl’s parts can?
Patti has two main dates. One her team picks for her, and one she gets to choose. The team’s pick Mike lays it on pretty thick telling Patti how beautiful and smart she is. Pause for me to gag! Their date is a horse-back ride. Patti sure got into it with her cowboy hat! Mike gives her a pair of gloves — I am no horse expert, so maybe someone can answer this — why do you need gloves to ride a horse?
Then, the two have a dinner where Mike basically proposes to Patti on the date. He must really think she is a millionaire or something because this guy is A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Sorry, I had to break out into my high school cheerleading days. The date continues to crash and burn as Mike asks for a kiss — Denied!
On to Patti’s pick and a way hotter dude, John takes Patti to her favorite resort so he must have done his homework — or maybe a lucky guess? They get a foot massage by the pool and then go zip lining. I am so exhausted of the dates that make people get over their fear of heights, but John did not get the memo and sets up Patti to deal with her fear. They have a romantic dinner afterwards where vulnerable Patti ends up kissing her DILF John. It was cute, and the two have been going on more dates.
We end the season with more flashbacks from Bravo showing some of Patti’s successes — I use that term lightly. The gang at Millionaire’s Club does a group hug, and Patti says she never wants to be set up again.
The End! Or is it? Next week, Bravo tortures us with a first ever reunion episode where Patti has to face her clients again!
TELL US YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE FINAL?! GLAD ITS OVER? DO YOU THINK PATTI AND JOHN WILL LAST?