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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny had a girls weekend in Montauk where she confronted her daddy issues. She also wondered about Jason‘s vacations past as a homosexual. And we learn that Jason is finally growing part of a pair and putting his foot down about the home office situation by implementing a schedule!

Things start out with Bethenny meeting her new bestie Hoda for lunch. I do love Bethenny’s dress. The two have bonded over being very busy.

Over ordering Virginica oysters, Bethenny decides to inform both Hoda and the annoyed waiter that the menu options sound like her “wazoo” except nothing about Bethenny seems plump or balanced. Leave it to Bethenny to turn lunch porny. Good lord – she really needs to stop with the stupid, gross vag-talk. The waiter was mortified, which amused Beth.

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After some more sex talk about kitchen counters and morning hook-ups, we learn more about Hoda‘s relationship, and it’s the real thing. Which is nice, but really what is this about? Is Bethenny now going to be on Today show? Is she Hoda’s new relationship counselor? Did Hoda find love using A Place of Yes? How come we’ve never heard of them being friends before and all the sudden they’re inseparable?

Bethenny‘s friend Teri visits; Teri instantly starts grilling Bethenny about baby no. 2 and Bethenny just has no time to try and conceive. Bethenny explains she just hasn’t done the typical Jewish thing, which is to get married young and pop out two kids. Instead she got married to her career and popped out two bottled cocktails. Teri warns Bethenny that only children aren’t as happy, which is kind of obnoxious. Teri also cautions that the second baby might look like Bethy instead of Jason.

Then Jason comes home with pizza, which further reaffirms that he’s perfect. Jason informs Bethenny of the new office schedule he implemented so they can have more family time. Good for you, J, don’t let ovaries make all the rules!

In the course of discussing a vacation to Spain, it emerges that Jason previously went to Barcelona with a bunch of guys before Bethenny met him. Bethenny starts hyperventalating and accusing him of going with a girl. Then she says going to Spain with your guy friends is “homosexual” and won’t stop grilling him for information about the trip. Um…does she seriously care? BTW – She couldn’t pay her rent, but was vacationing in Spain “a couple times”?

Bethenny is planning a girls weekend in Montauk (oh no, that’s so homosexual!) and she’s really excited to be getting away from her marriage and Jason. Afterwards, she picks up Nick in the Skinnygirl convertible to embark on a falafel crawl. Bethenny is wearing a dress I had in high school (isn’t plaid patchwork a little dated?). Bethenny, no surprise, goes straight for the balls and then asks if Nick’s balls are getting any action?

Nick shuts Bethenny down by reminding her that he’s the real writer so he can take notes on the food crawl. Nick also demonstrates that he has some balls and tells her what to do and what to order. I love Nick. I want to eat with Nick. Call me! God, I love falafel. Definitely call me, Nick.

Bethenny decides to take a break to get her eyebrows threaded. Which puts Nick off his falafel. Bethenny inquires about Nick’s below the belt grooming habits and he’s not interested in getting waxed, groomed, or threaded. Nick believes girls should like him for him and not for his lack of unibrow, but nonetheless agrees to go for it. I hope she gave him a raise. Bethenny keeps reminding Nick not to cry and meanwhile goes to town on the falafel pita.

Was I the only one who didn’t think Nick was being that dramatic? Bethenny thinks the next step is Nick shaving his balls. Can she please leave Nick’s balls alone. Ugh! He must have some clause in his contract stipulating that he has to put up with this and not sue for sexual harassment. Paging the EEOC!

Heading to Montauk with Cookie and Bryn, apparently Bethenny has never driven in the car alone. Except she’s not alone – she has Dawa. Her rules for the weekend are no crackberry and to focus exclusively on R&R…and cocktails. She’s so lucky she has a nanny there to watch Bryn while she imbibes said cocktails and experiences said R&R. Aaaahhh…parenthood among the rich.

Bethenny is hosting a cocktail party on Montauk beach. She’s invited a lot of her friends from college and their children. It’s a beautiful, relaxed party and she is having fun and being normal. FINALLY, she isn’t having some sort of meltdown over a rolled napkin or some other trivial nonsense. Luckily, Cookie is there to pick up the slack by attacking the waiter. Poor Cookie.

Bethenny‘s friends all want to know when baby no. 2 is coming. What they don’t know is that Bethenny and Jason are barely having sex – or speaking. Bethenny makes a funny comparing babies to Lays Potato Chips, quipping you can’t have just one! Who wants to bet Skinnygirl Lays is on its way. Bethenny reasonably asserts that planning for children has to be on your own terms.

Just when things are fun, the Skinnygirl plug starts happening when her friend launches into an impromptu infomercial about how amazing the margarita is, and how Bethenny is so smart and brilliant for bottling it. Listen, she is smart for bottling a margarita, but she isn’t curing cancer over there!

Nonetheless, I enjoy seeing Bethenny like this – fun, laid-back, and appreciating life. How freaking cute-beyond-cute was Bryn cooing, “I’m the baby.” Awww…Bryn! How on earth did that little girl get such amazingly shocking blue eyes – they’re beautiful. Bethenny is a cute mommy. It’s nice to see her not constantly playing for the cameras.

Burning off last night’s dinner, Bethenny and her fellow skinnymommies, attempt a paddle boat and really those things are impossible – I’m amazed they made it go at all.

Embarking upon The Sloppy Tuna, Bethenny immediately starts talking her own tuna. Yeah – eww. She’s making a lot of seafood comparisons to her ladyregions – maybe that’s the reason her sex life has cooled off a bit! Bethenny meets a petite superhero who confuses her with Ben Franklin. Aaaahhh…close enough – afterall, she has a lot of Ben Franklins in the bank!

After ditching The Sloppy Tuna, the ladies go to a beachfront restaurant where Bethenny gets emotionally sloppy. Bethenny recalls her past and reveals that she always considered her step-father, John, to be her real father, as he was the only person in her life she considers family. Bethenny recently ran into his daughter, whom she had never met, and it made her think about reaching out to John. Bethenny has an emotional moment thinking about Bryn not growing up with a close family and reflecting on how her upbringing made her such a hard person.

Bethenny wishes for Bryn to know the unconditional love she never had and to grow up soft and sweet. Bethenny’s friends are very supportive and encouraging. It was actually a nice scene of Bethenny behaving like a real person instead of putting on this act of the brassy and loud-mouthed crass person she thinks is charming. Bethenny comments that she needs to stop and enjoy her success and appreciate the moments. Good call, B!

Back in NYC, the nerutoworks are turned on at Bethenny‘s shrink’s office. Bethenny talks her conflicting feelings between her two fathers: her step-father and her real father. Side Note: Bethenny has a lot of Birkins for someone who isn’t spending money and only shops on sale. Dr. Amador reminds her that no matter what she says, she loves her biological father in a pure way and she has to accept that without focusing on it being a betrayal of her step-father.

Bethenny counters that she really only wanted a relationship with her father because he was kind of a big deal with a lot of money. Bethenny insists she never wanted her father’s love when they reconnected. Bethenny is being obtuse on purpose, she knows that line of reasoning is complete BS for the show. As she says, no one ever accused her of being stupid! She, of course, wanted love and acceptance from her parents and whether she wanted to admit or recognize it at fourteen is one thing, but at at forty she is wise enough to know the truth.

Dr. Amador insists Bethenny admit the facts – that she really wanted to have a relationship with her father and figure out why he abandoned her. Things end with Bethenny pondering her paradigm shift.

Next Week: Bethenny is launching lazy lingerie by discussing sex and sexywear in public and Jason is embarrassed! They continue to butt heads over their new apartment and Bethenny pitches the couples sailing trip with Dr. Amador and the two continue to fight. Me thinks Jason really doesn’t want to be on TV.

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