Last week on Bachelor Pad, Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon campaigned to survive the elimination and Jaclyn Swartz and Ed Swiderski strived to not be seen as a whore and an a**hole, respectively. Both couples failed.
Immediately following last week's rose ceremony, the remaining couples celebrate their final four status. Chris Bukowski toasts, "This is going to be an unbelievable experience that only very lucky
desperate and privileged fame seeking people get to experience." His delusions of grandeur have no upper limit.
Rachel Trueheart is completely over Michael Stagliano's elimination. Ha. Just kidding. Rachel continues to cry because her life has no purpose without Michael playing this game beside her. Nick who? seems to be a common confusion in the house.
Blakeley Jones stresses just how much she and Tony Pieper need to win the next challenge. This hardcore "win to survive" edit combined with ABC showing previews of Rachel/Nick Peterson, Jaclyn/Ed, and Sarah Newlon/Chris preparing for the next challenge, lead me to believe Blakeley and Tony are most definitely going home broke losers. ABC sucks at building suspense.
Chris Harrison pops in to remind us how dreamy his eyes are when he wears blue. Chris also comes with bad news for the Pad people – one couple will not survive the morning in Bachelor Pad. Once again, ABC, I can hardly stand the wait. Tony reminds us that he's making out with Blakeley on Bachelor Pad for his son.
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Hanging By A Thread
More bad news from Chris Harrison, this competition requires equal parts brain and brawn. Err, umm, well… at least they have muscles.
One person sits on a trapeze swing suspended above the pool, and the other half of the duo needs to answer Bachelor trivia answers. For every wrong answer, the swing loses a rope. If the swinger (no pun intended – looking you, Ed) falls in the pool, the couple is eliminated. There's no rose or safety to be won, here. Instead, ABC skips all that manufactured drama and simply lets the winning duo eliminate the couple of their choice.
Nick, Sarah, Jaclyn, and Blakeley answer questions. Their partners, Rachel, Chris, Ed, and Tony swing. Tony is the first to rely on "brawn," as he loses all his ropes. Ed and Rachel each only have one rope on their swings. Tony falls into the pool. Tony and Blakeley are eliminated. Sarah rocks the trivia, so Chris sits comfortably. Rachel falls. Ed is the last one to hang. Just as Chris loses a rope, Ed falls. Chris and Sarah win. Again. <grumbles>
Chris and Sarah make out and then discuss the pros and cons of the other couples…
Rachel/Nick – Rachel is a strong competitor but best friends with Jaclyn. They trust Nick.
Blakeley/Tony – Tony is a stand up guy. Nothing to say about Blakeley?
Jaclyn/Ed – They're a well-liked couple and will get votes in the end.
Chris and Sarah join the other couples.
Nick speaks, "Chris, I trusted you when no one else has. I'd love to move on to the next level with you guys."
Tony says, "I was there for you. Times got tough – I was there for you. I want to provide for my son. I could make him proud. I want to do this for him."
Blakeley cries, "I just hope this vote wasn't just towards me."
Before the big announcement, Chris feels the need to talk about how everyone in the house has been against him, his feelings have been hurt, and none of the other couples can compare to his awesomeness. No surprise, Chris and Sarah send home Tony and Blakeley. Blakeley sobs. Ed stumbles, presumably from low blood alcohol. There are so. many. tears.
Tony and Blakeley leave Bachelor Pad sharing a limo. Blakeley whines that no one else needs the money more than them. Tony didn't win the money, so all he can offer his son is love. I'm not following… how tragic?? Tony promises to love and take care of Blakeley forever and ever.
The final three couples are Ed/Jaclyn, Nick/Rachel, and Chris/Sarah.
What happens now? Well, Rachel wants to do something fun and low key. Jaclyn thinks they deserve a reward for dealing with uncomfortable decisions and two eliminations in less than 24 hours. Boohoo. So sad.
Chris Harrison bursts that bubble… the next competition starts right now… find your limo outside, suckers.
The limo brings the couples to the Hollywood Palladium. Inside, Night Ranger is performing "Sister Christian." Ed is star struck. He says, "This is a dream come true!" Chris isn't grown ass enough yet to know who Night Ranger is. Chris Harrison sets up the next challenge – the couples will perform "Sister Christian" in front of a live audience. The couples will be judged on vocals, stage presence, choreography, and chemistry… by Night Ranger themselves.
Chris Harrison sends the couples away to meet with a vocal coach and rehearse. Night Ranger asks Chris, "Do you think they can do it?!" Chris says, "Nah, they're going to be terrible."
Nick and Rachel research the meaning of the song and use their time efficiently. Nick plans to have fun with it and go "balls to the wall." Ed hopes stage presence can make up for his and Jaclyn's poor vocals. Jaclyn thinks the vocal coach is a waste of time. She approaches the whole thing with a stinky attitude. Chris pouts because that's what Chris does best. Sarah thinks she's a good singer. (She's wrong.) Chris never takes responsibility for anything. He worries because Sarah is a bad singer. He says, "There's bad, and then there's Sarah."
A last minute rehearsal at the mansion clears out all the wild animals in a 200-mile radius.
It's show time. Nick and Rachel go first. Rachel looks beautiful. Rachel and Nick nail it. Off to the side, Sarah looks pissed. Night Ranger gives them a standing ovation.
Ed and Jaclyn are next. Ed promises something huge. Jaclyn think it's theirs to lose. The music starts… Jaclyn does not start. Jaclyn asks to start again and everyone ignores her. Neither Ed nor Jaclyn know the lyrics. Ed and Jaclyn dry hump instead of sing. Nick finds this especially interesting since the song is about a brother and sister. Night Ranger is horrified. Afterwards, Jaclyn is bummed because she missed the first verse. She thinks they "recovered nicely."
Chris and Sarah go last.They both sound terrible, including Mr. Perfect. Sarah goes nuts. Ed describes Sarah as a monkey who is being electrocuted. Sarah says, "Obviously, we're not tone deaf. We can at least hold a note where it sounds decent. We're both high energy. This is kind of, yet again, our competition. I think we're just really good at stuff, is what's going on."
According to Night Ranger, Nick and Rachel were technically the best, Ed and Jaclyn were horrible, and Chris and Sarah were the most entertaining. They declare Nick and Rachel the winners. Nick and Rachel now have to choose who joins them in the finals.
Chris is a sore loser. Jaclyn is a mess, crying and dripping mascara all over the place. Jaclyn says about her BFF Rachel, "If she ends up choosing the other couple because her partner wants her to, I think that would be completely devastating. I don't think I would be able to recover from that."
Heading into the final elimination, Nick and Rachel are on opposite sides of the Bachelor Pad fence. Nick focuses on strategy and Rachel stresses over friendships.
Nick is positive he and Rachel will beat Chris and Sarah. Rachel worries the cast won't respect her partnership with Nick. She believes the jury will ultimately give the win to Chris and Sarah because they had to fight their way through the game. Nick still believes taking Chris and Sarah is the best move. He says…Ed and Jaclyn are too popular and Chris and Sarah cause too much drama.
Nick says to Rachel, "Without a doubt, we'll win this thing if we take Chris and Sarah." Rachel hangs her head in shame. Nick asks, "What are you here for? You're here for the money, right? So am I. Friendships will be there. I promise. If you want the money, we take Chris and Sarah. Ed and Jaclyn are going to be a huge gamble. We have to do what puts us in the best position to win." Rachel weakly says, "At what price? Friendship means more than money."
In the end, Nick and Rachel take Chris and Sarah to the finals.
Rachel cries. Jaclyn cries. Ed whistles.
Rachel hugs Jaclyn and says, "Jaclyn, I'm so sorry." Jaclyn pushes her away and says, "I'm fine."
In the limo, Jaclyn rips Rachel apart. Jaclyn thinks Rachel should be ashamed of herself. She says, "I think our friendship is over. I'll vote for Chris and Sarah. She's dead to me."
Nick, Chris, and Sarah celebrate. Meanwhile, Rachel sits alone and regrets not fighting harder for Ed and Jaclyn.
On next week's season finale, Chris Harrison promises a stunning (and disturbing) turn of events that will leave us speechless.
TELL US – CHRIS AND SARAH OR NICK AND RACHEL?
Photo credit: ABC