I saw a lot of tears during Shahs of Sunset last night. Reza Farahan and Asa Soltan Rahmati cried at the border of Iran, Mercedes "MJ" Javid broke down when her biological clock experienced a moment of sobriety, and I cried when I realized my kids weren't going to school today. #SnowDayNumberSeven
Before we dive into that heavy stuff, we have to see Reza talk Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi through putting a suppository up her butt to curb motion sickness. Because 1) the Shahs of Susnet are going yachting. 2) Sea-Bands or Ginger Root wouldn't make for good TV.
Reza offers to help, because they're totally BFFs again, "Loch-nesa and I are so close now that actually putting something in her butt doesn't seem as alarming to me as it should." Oh Reza, you slay me. Only, not. Go away. GG carries on, screaming about her backdoor being exit only, but she figures it out.
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Wait. Did someone say backdoor? You know Farrah Abraham's ears (among other body parts) are ringing today. Farrah is totally planning her suppository commercial comeback tour right now.
Reza, plugged up and ready to go, checks in with Asa, who is rushing to put on her 30 pounds of gold. She surprises him with plans for a trip to the border of Iran. She explains, for the 100th time, that neither she nor Reza can return to Iran. (Her, because she's a refugee. Him, because he's gay.) No need to store this information in your brain. Asa will remind us every five minutes from now until season four's new and improved storyline. Reza accepts Asa's invitation.
Now on the yacht, everyone loves everyone again, and Reza drinks booze from GG's belly button. Good times are had by all – especially MJ, who loves the fact that Lilly Ghalichi is not there, and her boobies, who are finally free from their corset and able to breathe.
Next, they visit Princes Islands, and Reza complains about people wearing "too much clothing". THEIR veils, which he calls curtains, freak HIM out. To the camera, Asa says, "You can't go to a Muslim country and talk sh-t about people wearing a veil. It's disrespectful." To Reza, however, she talks in riddles. He couldn't care less, saying, "It's in your face, we are this way. You guys are that way. I hate it."
GG drops the sugar-coated BS and straight up tells Reza that he's "f–ked up" for judging others. Amen. He changes the subject real quick – because he can dish it out (or at least unleash MJ on someone) but he can't take it.
The next morning, Asa, Zinat, and Reza begin their much anticipated journey to the Iranian border. Asa reminds us that she cannot return to Iran. According to her, if she did, she'd be arrested, tortured, and made to disappear. Asa warns, "Stay out of eyesight of the snipers – if they an see you, they can shoot you." Reza thinks he's being smuggled to the border – Yes, smuggled. With a camera crew. – and says his life was in danger every step of the way.
Now as close as they can get by van, Reza, Asa, and Zinat walk to the top of the hill to look into Iran. The sun is shining down bright on the land. Zinat wishes she could visit the graves of her parents, but she adds, "I'm happy with the memories." Asa feels at peace. Reza says, "Me and Iran officially broke up. I couldn't wait to see the bitch, but then I was like, Oh, OK. Yes, I don't want you anymore."
Satisfied, Asa and Reza head back to the van. Asa runs and laughs down the hill - and Reza kinda waddles. Zinat, who is still sitting atop the hill, smiles and snaps their picture. Reza and Asa pick out a rock for MJ. Mike Shouhed and GG's rocks come from Dollar General.
Asa's family returns for the Shahs of Sunset's last night in Turkey. Everyone's enjoying the babies – and Reza coldly, randomly asks MJ if she wants a kid.
Without thinking, MJ answers, "Yes, two." This is news to Reza – and MJ. She takes off, overcome with emotion, but Asa follows and forces her to talk about it in front of the cameras. Because that's what good little Bravolebrities do. MJ shares, she wants a family, but she has no significant other and doesn't want to pull a Murphy Brown.
"My clock is just now starting to tick and it's too late," laments MJ. "I think I need to accept the fact that my dogs might be it for me. But I want a husband and a few babies. I want that. I think I would be a great mom."
TELL US – DID YOU ENJOY THE SHAHS TRIP TO TURKEY?
Photo Credit: Bravo