On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken.
Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again.
"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde.
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Nathan quizzes Jenelle about being ready to raise a child, because although Jenelle has a child she certainly doesn't raise him! Jenelle says she's in the "right frame of mind" this time.
Is that the drugs talking? Lest we remind you that last week Jenelle went to jail for failing a drug test, yet this week she's in the right frame of mind to be a mother.
At the ultrasound Jenelle barely glances at the screen and then when the nurse asks her if she does "street drugs" she decides to neatly tuck marijuana in a different category before answering no. It's amazing how she can boldface lie – I need Dustin to fax her court records over STAT. Nathan says he's gonna make Jenelle quit smoking – just like he made her follow the law and abstain from drugs? #Winning
When Jenelle tells Barb, she's unimpressed. Jenelle asks Jace if he wants a brother or sister. What Jace actually wants is a MOTHER.
Jenelle says when she was pregnant with Jace she didn't bother caring about what was happening during pregnancy. And sadly this is still how she treats Jace's development. "I wanna know what the baby is gonna look like every single day," she drones. If it's a boy Jenelle wants to name him Jace – she's always liked that name. What about the other Jace, Nathan asks. Who? Jenelle blanks.
Over lunch they discuss keeping their relationship together and when Nathan says he wants to stay together, Jenelle takes it as criticism and snaps at him that "people freak out sometime! People aren't perfect!" It's Nathan's goal in life to try to be perfect. Buddy – you've got a looong way to go!
Adam Lind is not giving up his fight to ruin Chelsea Houska's life. He's still seeking visitation rights of Aubree and a court date is scheduled. Chelsea is stressed – when Chelsea is stressed she applies warpaint. NFL Superbowl Sunday style. Girl never met a sharpie she couldn't multi-purpose with! Chelsea calls Randy for guidance.
Chelsea picks Aubree up from daycare and despite bribing her with ice cream Aubree has a full-scale toddler tantrum. Despite the fact that it's snowing, Chelsea picks her up coatless and shoeless to carry her to car, where she refuses to get into her seat. Chelsea and Aubree whine and shriek at the same pitch for a few minutes. Then Chelsea calls Randy for guidance. Chelsea takes Aubree to get ice cream anyway. Nothing says keep on throwin' those fits like rewarding bad behavior!
In the end Recedehawk agreed to settle out of court and they decided on a temporary visitation which stipulated Aubree had to stay at Adam's parents' house and he couldn't drive her in the car. Chelsea and Randy are sure he'll violate the rules (and knowing how dumb he is and that he only sees his child on camera, MTV will capture the whole thing. When MTV is a saving grace you know your life has hit rock bottom…).
Calvert Messer has been 16 and Pregnant, 19 and Divorced. 20 and Pregnant. And she's about to be 21 and divorced! Jeremy has left for NM, crawling his way out of shambles of Mt. Dew bottles, Lunchables, Manic Panic hair dye, and southern fried whining. Jeremy is about to be on 48 Hours Mysteries because he disappeared.
Since Leah is alone with 3 kids she's given up makeup and reverted to her 16 & P Ramen Noodle Hair. She's also itching to get Robbie on speed-dial and penis flytrap him with baby number 4. This one they can name Adultury to go with Accident, Accidental, and Atonement. AAAAsisters! Too mean?
Anyhoodle, on the bright note Ali gets to try a wheelchair and she is SO FREAKING CUTE. She's whizzing around, chasing Gracie and Gracie is chasing her. Gracie says she wants one too. These girls are beyond precious.
Leah goes out to dinner with her mom to discuss the distance in her marriage. Mama Leah suggests, again, that Jeremy wasn't prepared to take on the responsibility of two kids and then have another one pop out so soon. If only Leah had understood that whole birth control thing… Penis + Vagina – Condom x Ovulation = Baby. Simple math done with Common Core! Leah should ask Jenelle alllll about it – she has ovulation app on her phone since she's taking this pregnancy real, real serious. Not like the other 12.
Leah tells her friend that she and Jeremy got in a huge fight and he threatened divorce. She knows people are laughing at her and wondering what's wrong with her that she's getting divorced again. That is a very good question. If TWO men want to divorce you in less than TWO years of marriage, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate your relationship skills.
While Adalynnnnnnnnn sucks down some Mt. Dew colored goop out of a bottle (for realz!! Yuck!), Leah explains that her main issue is that when Jeremy goes away for work he basically doesn't interact with them. She would hope he'd be interested FaceTiming with the girls or talking to her on the phone, but it's just complete peace out for the entire time he's gone. She doesn't feel like a wife. And THAT I completely understand – I would feel hurt too. But instead of nagging and whining and being 21 and twice divorce, Leah either needs to WAIT until she gets into relationships or communicate more effective because at this rate Ali and Gracie throw less fits. Perhaps someone needs to wear Leah's butt out until she behaves.
Finally Kail Lowry. Oh man I feel bad for Kail this episode. The day after her wedding she is in full Snuffy mode and is moping about how despite all the drama with Javi's family and the absence of her mom, no one fell in a shark tank at the wedding.
Back home Kail, trying to create drama, asks Javi to take Isaac to Jo's because she's too pregnant to drive. Since Jo, Javi, and Jo's parents are all, you know, adults there is zero oddness when he drops Isaac off. Jo's mom yells "Hi Javi" in the background and it made me miss her – she's so awesome! Javi calls Kail to report no weirdness and she sounds confused. See, Kail, only YOU create the awkward.
It turns out Kail's mom called her out of the blue and wants to be re-involved in her life. She wants to come stay with them and Kail, poor, poor bless her heart Kail, has a little flare up of hope. Her mom sounded sober. And excited. Javi looks like he wants to say NO WAY to Suzi's visit, but he's afraid of Kail turning into Kailzilla so he says OK. I do not think Kail needs this added stress being super pregnant or with a newborn.
Kail calls Suzi and tells her she can come the next week. I can hear it in Suzi's voice that she's gonna disappoint Kail. I want to reach through the screen and hug Kail - you can feel her hope and her belief that this time will be different. Suzi says she wants to be there when the baby is born and that Kail can call her day and night. I hope she's telling the truth.
Next week NATHAN GETS TASERED!!! Oh I love you MTV.
[Photo Credits: MTV]
TELL US – WILL LEAH AND JEREMY MAKE IT? WILL SUZI DISAPPOINT KAIL? WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SEE GET TASERED MORE: NATHAN OR ADAM?