Million Dollar Listing LA - Season 7

The much anticipated return of fan favorite Malibu Madison Hildebrand, unfortunately, did not happen on last night’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles. WTH??!! Bravo had duped viewers into thinking that he would be making an appearance this week. How could they do that to us?? The editing seemed a bit wonky last night. Hopefully, the producers have not cut him out of the show entirely and are just delaying our gratification. If they can bring back Bethenny Frankel on RHONY, they can work their magic to bring back our hottie by the sea. We want Madison! We want Madison! He was the yin to the Joshes yang. Now it’s just all yang. And modern box houses that everyone seems to be talking about this week. They know we want to see different real estate porn, right?! (Whispers) Malibu.

Speaking of modern box houses… Josh Altman has a new listing in West Hollywood with ‘Ilan the Developer’. This is the guy that he and Josh Flagg got in a fight over last season, which led to the slap heard around the world. Well, maybe just in Los Angeles.   It was just a light dusting across the cheek, not an assault as ‘Josh the Jock’ likes to claim. Anyway, Ilan’s house is ready to flip. And Heather might have a buyer for him. This should be interesting! The house is actually not your typical cookie cutter new construction going up in the WeHo neighborhood. This 4171 sq. ft. Spanish contemporary has a terra cotta tiled roof, lofted ceilings, and a salt water pool.   Ilan agrees to list it for $2.795m. A great deal if you want something slightly different than all the others and can afford it.

James Harris and David Parnes are lamenting the amount of new construction going on in West Hollywood as well. Though, they too have a listing there. A modern box. And just two blocks away from Josh Altman’s listing.   What a coinky-dink! The seller of this property is none other than the ‘mystery’ buyer they sold the Doheny property to on last week’s episode. He was quite impressed with their negotiation skills and decided to let the Brits have a go at selling his old place – a 3700 sq. ft. home with a salt water pool. Apparently, the zero edge pool is so last week. Gone by the wayside like that old dinosaur, the infinity pool. Sigh. Young David, in his backward baseball cap, is back to represent the other side.   Feeling more confident this time around, he takes a stand on pricing. The Brits try to convince him that they need to price competitively or they will lose out in this market. David makes him an offer he cannot refuse – they will sell the place if he signs a 2-week agreement at $2.925m. Challenge accepted. Good luck boys!

Josh Flagg is on his way to meet his new client, Hillary, in her Beverly Hills home. Located on a busy stretch of Sunset Boulevard, poor Josh has difficulty stepping out of his classic silver Mercedes convertible.   It’s easy to forget how young he really is with his throwback style and mannerisms. Hilary and her daughter, Trace, are waiting to give him the tour of the unusually decorated 7200 sq. ft. home filled to the brim with Irish antiques. While Josh loves himself a good antique, it is hard to imagine the space in all that chaos. He certainly has his work cut out for him as the kitchen has custom carved cabinetry in a medieval-meets-Celtic-shamrock design and the backyard has a non-salt water pool complete with tiki bar and blue garden gnomes. ‘What house wouldn’t be complete without them?’ he muses. Hillary is ready to move on from the home she shared with her late husband and retire to Mallorca, Spain, to be with her friends. Josh advises her to purge the house of her collectibles and list for $1.995m.

Josh Altman and the Brits host their broker open houses on the same day. What are the odds? Actually, pretty good as WeHo is on fire with listings. Josh preps Mikey and ‘Jacob the intern’ on how to sell and differentiate theirs from the others. Apparently, Josh’s ‘mini-me’ has made great strides since we last saw him taking selfies. Sidekick Mikey is put on recon duty (again) to scope out the other open houses in the neighborhood.    He discovers that there is major action going on over at David and James place while theirs seems to be slowing down. How is that possible?? We learn that the Brits have scheduled their event a wee bit later than others in order to capture all the broker traffic in the area. Smart! This time they put out a tasty looking spread of ‘juicy chicken’, a marked improvement from their previous sad display of iced tea and English muffins. In hindsight, the Venice Beach client didn’t deserve more than that as she just used them to be on television! Tsk tsk. The downside to their new listing is that they only have ten days left to sell the place as per David’s agreement. The clock is ticking. The key, according to James, is to get the ‘right people’ into the house. Who are these ‘right people’ he doth speak of? I just assumed those with cash or approved by the bank were the ‘right people’, no?

Josh Flagg meets with boyfriend and designer, Colton, over at his parent’s house. So that’s what he does! They have decided to rebuild their house before selling, using him as the designer. With his blueprints in hand, I am intrigued to know more about Colton’s design aesthetic. Hopefully, we will get to see the completion of their home this season, which is now completely empty. Everything is gone except for a memento from his parents early courtship over thirty years ago. Awww. Josh takes a walk down memory lane. ‘That was my closet. That was the closet I came out of…’ Classic Josh! The flashback to photos of him in the home where he was born and raised are bittersweet.

Josh Altman and the Brits are now in private showing mode. And Heather seems to have the perfect clients for both. She takes the young couple to Josh’s place first.  Acting like a snake oil salesman in a cheesy looking suit, he compliments the guy on his suit and watch. Heather is having none of his shtick and wants to stick to the facts about the house, which could work for them and their little dachshund since it has a yard. The adorable pooch seems to take a liking to Josh as well.   Go figure. Over at James and David’s place, it is clear that the home will not work for the couple due to the lack of yard space. But a dolled up Heather says they will look around, anyway. The Brits are questioning her motives – is she on a mission from Josh? James and David should be more concerned about wearing matching outfits and looking more like twins than ever.   Let’s give Heather a little more credit. She is on a mission, but from someone else – like her clients perhaps, or say, the producers? And Josh would certainly not shy away from an opportunity to see the Brits face to face. In their perfectly pressed pink shirts.

Josh Flagg’s quirky home on Sunset Boulevard is now uncluttered and, like Norma Desmond, is ready for its close-up. What a transformation! So much so that Josh has received a full asking price offer. But Josh is unable to track down his old Irish Rose, Hillary. Where could she be??!! He thinks that she must not be that serious about selling if she is not returning his calls. After six messages, he finally tracks Hillary and her daughter down at a pub. ‘We’re Irish, what do you expect?’ ‘Silly me!’ says Josh while slapping his forehead. He pulls up to the bar and orders a pint of dark beer, which he downs rather quickly. This is definitely not dirty martini drinking boy’s first time at the rodeo. Hillary tells him that she has been MIA – ‘Missing in Action’. More like ‘Missing in Ale’ to me! Trace intervenes on her (subtitled) mother’s behalf and explains that after the uncluttering process and pouring over memories of her late husband, her mother was overcome with emotion and is now not ready to sell.   Josh completely understands as he had been through this before with his grandmother, Edith, and now with his parents. He agrees that she should sell when she is ready. Hillary knows that she has made the right decision and will be in good hands with Josh when she is ready to sell.  

Josh Atlman meets Ilan the Developer at a mega mansion that he is previewing somewhere in Bel Air, which hopefully we will get to see at some point. Ilan just happens to pull up to the motor court in the new Porsche 918 Spyder that he is test driving. Product placement much? He is planning to buy this car and park it next to his Ferrari once he sells the WeHo home. Josh does have an offer on the table for him, but it’s low and comes from none other than his fiancé, Heather. Ilan is concerned about that as the ‘lady always wins’.  After negotiating over speakerphone with Heather, who compares it to the Brits listing (ouch), they close at $2.55m.   She tells Josh that he is lucky the dog liked the house! While the deal is done, he is none too happy that Heather has pushed his buttons.  

Later that evening, James calls Heather at home to follow up on his WeHo listing. Josh gets on the speakerphone to mess with him.   ‘What did I tell you about giving me a booty call when I am in bed with my girl?’ he jokes. What a ham!  Josh mentions that they sold their WeHo listing to the New York couple. James congratulates Heather on getting house at a very good price, which she did. The air between the lovebirds is now thick with bad juju from that transaction and their disconnect over wedding planning. Will they ever find common ground? Will Josh put Heather before his clients?

The Brits listing has now come down to the wire with only two days left on their listing agreement. James is a nervous Nellie and tells his partner about Josh Altman’s comp around the corner from theirs. David is more confident – ‘He who risks wins!’ He proudly boasts that an amazing full cash offer of $2.8m and fast close is on the table. Young David rejects it. ‘This is the best offer you are going to get’ James implores him.  A brazen Young David tells them they are more concerned about their commission. The nerve of this kid! Of course commission is important or they wouldn’t be in the business, but James is correct. Yet again, the Brits have to give him an education on the comps in the area. With his tail between his legs, Young David slinks back to the table and accepts the offer on the ‘secret’ seller’s behalf.  Congrats to the boys on a job well done! Altman’s WeHo house was bigger and better. They got away with one.

TELL US – DISAPPOINTED THERE WAS NO MADISON LAST NIGHT?

Recap Author: Maura

Photo Credit: Bravo

 

 

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