First, my apologies for the tardiness of the Mob Wives recap. Someone forgot to set the season pass on her DVR. Second, holy craziness, y’all! They are going all out with the drama this season and we’re only two episodes. Wowsers.
Last night began with Karen Gravano in a music studion. No. Just no. Please tell me she’s not making a record! She reveals that she’s ready to move back to New York so she can be closer to Storm and that her daughter is ready to make the move with her. Renee Graziano stops in for a visit, and thankfully we learn that Karen is just listening to music…not making it. The women rant about Drita D’avanzo wanting to crack Renee’s skull because of a rumor started by Natalie Guercio that Renee didn’t even say! What’s worse? Natalie is total cop-caller. You gotta hate a cop caller! Karen reveals that Storm ran into Natalie’s boyfriend London at a night club, and they had a total man conversation about the girls’ drama. I imagine that’s close…I bet they ran into each other at a strip club, Storm bought London a shot, they dished about the rack on the dancing girl while playing a game of “My girlfriend’s crazier than your girlfriend.”
Over drinks, Natalie and London are rehashing Karen’s rat lifestyle. I am so glad I didn’t self-impose a drinking game with the road rat, because I’d be wasted after those fifteen seconds. London reminds Natalie that they are going to have to see these people given they’re on the same show, and he begs her to take the high road. He’s not bothered by Storm. Natalie talks a big game about how she isn’t scared of Karen, but she also used the phrase “beefin’ on social media” so I just can’t take her seriously.
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Renee is riddled with anxiety as she waits to meet with Drita to discuss their recent issues. Drita has extended her former friend a courtesy by not beating her ass at the rooftop party, so right off the bat she threatens to bash Renee’s head in if she was really talking crap about her family. Renee defends herself, claiming that everything that comes out of Natalie’s mouth is a lie. Sure, she told Natalie that Lee got arrested for stealing from ATMs, but it was purely to explain the reason for his jail time. Renee is sorry she even mentioned his name to that two-bit spandex wearing Philly funeral home director. That’s it? Drita can understand ho that could come up in conversation, but Natalie made it sound much worse. Renee tells Drita that this a cop caller they’re dealing with. She called the cops on Karen due to the Storm club-run-in and the beef with Karen on social media. This changes everything. She’s a cop caller? Drita will kick that ass! Renee calms her friend, reminding her that Natalie isn’t worth the punch. Renee lays out why Natalie has befriended Drita and Big Ang, and it’s something out of a scene from Mean Girls. Stop trying to make fetch happen, Natalie. It’s as if a lightbulb flicks on above Drita’s head. Whoa. The pair seem to have mended fences which can’t be good for the cop caller.
Karen and Ang head to Drita’s cosmetics store, and it’s hilarious to see how buddy-buddy Karen and Drita are given their past brawls. Ang shares that she’s having a seventh anniversary party for the Drunken Monkey. She’s inviting everyone except Renee, and she hopes that Natalie and London will attend. Drita asks Karen how that will fly with her and Storm, but Natalie doesn’t even resist in Karen’s world. Karen then pulls up Natalie’s tweets about Karen’s family which are #ratfamily and #icallcops. Karen says Natalie even tried to get #orderofprotection against her for the #beefin’onsocialmedia. Oh hell no. If Drita’s said it once, she’s said it a hundred times (actually, she probably has said it a hundred times so far this episode), she DOES NOT HANG OUT WITH COP CALLERS.
Renee is frustrated with AJ. He’s racked up thousands of dollars in traffic tickets that he’s tried to keep a secret from his mom. She’s worried that he’s going down the wrong path, and he’ll end up committing a crime to get the money to pay the tickets, thus landing his butt in jail. She needs to teach him to be responsible, and what better way to do that than pay the tickets for him? Crime spree averted. After her chat with Renee, Drita decides to sit down with Natalie to discuss what she learned. Natalie then claims that Renee is the giant liar, so why would Drita choose to believe her? Drita then wonders why Karen thinks she’s a cop caller. Whoaaa, Natalie is no cop caller. Maybe she should have been, but she’d never do that. Storm threatened London, not the other way around. Regardless of who is telling the truth, Drita warns that no one should bring family into the drama. Natalie threatens that if Karen’s going to talk smack about her family, it’s fair game. Drita is convinced that she’ll be able to tell which one is the liar when they are all together at the Drunken Monkey. I never thought I’d say this, but I believe Karen!
Buckle up, Renee and AJ! As Renee is chauffeuring her son around, she’s laying into him. AJ’s all huffy and disrespectful (even though he finally does make it click), but he gives her a fake apology just to get her to be quiet. Renee determines that he needs to give live with his grandfather for a while so he learns some respect from a positive male role model. AJ’s just a big over *whatever* eyeroll. Across town, Karen and Storm are dishing on Storm threatening London…per Natalie. Storm laughs because he and London exchanged phone numbers after their chat. How threatening is that?
Oh Drunken Monkey, how I’ve missed you! It’s the night of the big party, and of course, Natalie shows up in a shredded spandex number. I mean, even the Wet Seal wouldn’t sell that hot mess! Ang tells Natalie that Karen and Storm will be coming later, and Ang tires to teach the newbie that she can’t talk about family. Natalie has a mouth on her, and Ang knows that Karen could mop the floor with Natalie. Drita just can’t wait to find out once and for all if Natalie is, in fact, a cop caller. As Natalie keeps trashing Karen’s rat family, Drita realizes that Natalie hasn’t learned her lesson.
On cue, Karen and Storm arrive, and Natalie smirks…although she’s seems to be shaking in her stripper heels as she escapes outside to smoke a cigarette. London approaches Storm, and it’s all hugs and high fives. Drita is so confused…she thought that Natalie said Storm threatened London. To her, they look like besties. London admits that he can’t handle his girl anyway. Natalie walks up, and she thinks that Storm is passive aggressively talking about her. It doesn’t help that London is still high fiving Storm and hugging Karen, welcoming them back into town. Natalie drags London outside to scream at him on the sidewalk. He just wants everyone to get along. Drita comes outside, and Natalie shares Storm’s rude comment. Can Drita believe Storm said that?? She is going to fight him. She fights dudes more often than she fights girls. Drita is holding her back recalling shootings and knife fights. She doesn’t try to rumble with men anymore. Natalie is all talk, which is unfortunate because her voice is annoying the crap out of me.
Wondering where her friends have run off to, Karen heads outside. Natalie immediately starts in on Storm disrespecting her in front of London. Was she there? London actually disrespected her in front of Storm. Well, technically he was just acting like a normal, peace-loving guy. Karen calmly tells Natalie that she doesn’t allow people to speak to her in such a manner. There is a lot of cussing and finger pointing as Drita tries to intervene. Natalie screams that Karen comes from a family of rats. Oh yeah? Well, at least she’s not a bleeping cop caller! The women seem to come to blows, but the show quickly cuts to a commercial break. As if nothing happened at the Drunken Monkey, Natalie decides to take London shopping for a motorcycle since he’s been working so hard at the funeral home. Oh wait! This shopping spree is a flashback? Natalie threatens to take down Karen at the Drunken Monkey party, and she hopes London will have her back. He begs her to be the bigger person, but he begrudgingly promises to be supportive…I guess he meant to Storm! Maybe the sequence was out of order on the VH1 site? Geez, I hope I didn’t miss a full out brawl!
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? IS NATALIE LYING ABOUT NOT BEING A COP CALLER? HOW FUNNY WAS LONDON WITH STORM AND KAREN?
[Photo Credit: VH1]