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The clock is ticking on each couple’s short window of time on 90-Day Fiance as they plumb the very shallow depths of how well – or how little – they know each other before walking down the aisle. This week’s episode gives us another glimpse into the vast expanse of years that stretches between 58-year old Mark and 19-year old Nikki, who face an awkward conversation in front of Mark’s family about future kids…or lack thereof. Speaking of kids, I’ll start this recap with a quote from my 5-year old daughter as she watched literally 30 seconds of a sneak peek of this episode: “Why does that girl want to marry her grandpa?” she wondered. Yip. Mommy doesn’t know, honey. But let’s find out! #mouthsofbabes #kindergartenwisdom  

Nikki is not feeling well, but Mark is hopeful she’ll rally to come dine with Mark’s sister, niece, and nephew, who are visiting for breakfast. Mark says Nikki has “put him on notice;” she wants him to spend more time with her and less time talking creepily about his ex-wife working. He’s crossing his fingers that he can make her happy, and apparently, his master plan includes pancakes!

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As Mark arranges the breakfast table juuuuusssst so (no hand prints on the plates!! #wheresthewindex? #whosthat6thplatefor? #exwifeintheattic?!?!), Nikki lounges in bed upstairs. His sister, niece, and nephew arrive, and they all get down to the business of eating. Nikki emerges from her bedroom just as breakfast begins, and Mark is pleased she’s made an appearance. After pleasantries are exchanged (and super deep thoughts from Mark like, “Nikki loves maple syrup!”), Nikki asks Mark’s family point blank: What was your reaction to Mark wanting to marry me? Whoa! She’s got chutzpah, this one. Good for her. 

Mark’s niece says she’s happy that “Uncle Mark” is in love, but finds the age difference between Nikki and him shocking. She asks if Nikki wants kids in the future? Nikki looks at Mark for help, unable to quite answer this one freely, it seems. Mark interviews that he made it clear to Nikki when they first met that he is DUNZO having kids but he’ll happily raise her! He has no interest in starting another family with Nikki, or anyone. At the table, Mark’s sister wonders aloud whether Nikki can even agree to such a thing yet, as 19 years of age is no time to be making “forever” promises about whether or not you’d like to have children down the road. Nikki feels hurt that Mark doesn’t want to have kids with her, so she’s hoping he changes his mind in the future. But Mark doesn’t want to spend his “decades of quality time” left raising more children. 

Down in Boca Raton, FL, Loren and Alexei are hanging out on the beach. By “hanging out,” I mean: Loren is parading a shirtless Alexei up and down the shore like he’s a brood mare. She wants all these other chicks to know her man is ripped and that he put a ring on it. As they retire after Alexei’s forced parade march, Loren encourages him to pursue her dream…of him becoming a male model. Alexei’s reaction is thus: “meh.”

So Loren digs in harder. Doesn’t he want to lay around in his underwear? Doesn’t he know he was born with the physique of a god? Doesn’t he want to make money for LOREN? Back home, Alexei was a medic. He wants to pursue a career that helps people, like firefighting or EMS. Loren thinks maybe firefighter calendar is more up his alley. She’s a supportive gal, this one! Ultimately, Alexei agrees to see a modeling agent just to get Loren off his back. (Welcome to how decisions will henceforth be made for the rest of your natural life, Alexei!)

Next, we revisit the PA dinner during which Devar divulged to Melanie that he’ll be sending 90% of his future income back home to his family in Jamaica. Melanie feels that she should have been told about these plans at the outset of their courtship, not just now. She asks Devar why he’ll be sending so much money home to his sisters, who are able-bodied adults? Devar says he’ll only send money home if his family asks for it (occasionally?), which Melanie finds to be a more acceptable answer. But her antennae are up now. She’s not so sure she’s hearing the full story.

In Rexburg, Josh catches up with Aleksandra after she talks to her mom on the phone. Aleksandra is seriously homesick for Prague, but knows Josh is trying to make her feel at home here. And what could make a gal feel more at home than being invited to daily 6am scripture readings courtesy of Josh’s totally cynical father? Because that’s what Josh proposes Aleksandra start doing. She asks whether attending these 6am fun-fests will make Josh’s family believe she’s “real Mormon” now? Maybe, maybe not. But girlfriend better set her alarm.

The next morning, Josh’s dad, Dirk, wakes everyone up for scripture reading. As they wait in silence, Aleksandra is nowhere to be found. They begin without her, but she rolls in just after they start. She rallies as much as possible to follow along, then actually reads the passage asked of her (in a language not her own, to boot), finally joining them in prayer. Since the only thing I am capable of doing routinely at 6am involves pressing a Keurig button with one eye (sort of) open, I award Aleksandra: First Place in Unsavory Morning Activities! Aleksandra still feels relentlessly judged by Josh’s father, and just wants him to straight up tell her what he thinks of her rather than give her the silent stink eye all of the time.    

In New Orleans, we return to Messy Man House, which is sadly the residence Noon must please, God, temporarily share with fiance Kyle. Whoa! The universe has listened to Noon’s supplications for potable water and roach-free refrigeration because, alas! Kyle has found a new home for them to rent. And it is naked-roommate-free as well. Score! Noon for the win!!!! (I wonder if TLC and/or the Department of Health and Human Services stepped in?) 

Kyle and Noon’s new house is cute and clean(er), but Kyle needs to pick up extra bar shifts to support them since Noon can’t work during her 90-day visa. At the bar, Kyle schmoozes with the patrons. Being a flirt is part of the job, he says, and he needs the tips to roll in. Noon explores the town while Kyle is at work, feeling more at home in New Orleans now that she is living in a home fit for human habitation. Because she’s never seen him at work, Noon stops by Kyle’s bar, but is not thrilled to see Kyle flirting with half-in-the-bag female tourists getting their hurricanes on. 

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Back in FL, Loren is dragging “delicious” Alexei into a modeling agency against his will. He wants to be a police officer, but Loren wants him to be a model. If the agent likes Alexei, Loren thinks the next step will be GQ. So, Loren is living in reality, then. Mmmmmkay. Since he doesn’t have photos, Alexei is asked to remove his shirt for the agent, which he does. He’s not sure he’s willing to grow his hair longer or sport a beard to forward his “career” though. But Loren tells the agent Alexei will do whatever it takes, which instantly makes Alexei crumble like a stack of cards.

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Loren’s used to getting what she wants, so I’m willing to do it for her,” Alexei admits. So, beard and man-bun, it is! The agent wants to take some photos to see exactly what they’re working with here. Loren might think Alexei is a god, but the agent doesn’t care what Loren thinks. It’s what the camera thinks that matters.

With 61 days to wed, Mark and Nikki are still in a holding pattern. Nikki has, in the gothic style of their relationship, taken to her bed for the past many days. When she finally emerges, she wants to talk to Mark. She knows he’s upset, and apologizes for making him mad due to her sour moods. As she peels a mango with a Crocodile Dundee-sized machete, she says, smirking, “I’ll try to control my emotions.” Mark inanely replies, “Well, my ex-wife also said that.” This dude needs that printed on a T-shirt. Then he needs to jump in a lake with said T-shirt whilst strapped to his ex-wife’s regifted Miata. Seriously, who says these kinds of things to their fiance!?

Nikki says she’s upset too. Mark doesn’t ask her how she’s doing enough. Mark isn’t up for asking people how they’re doing all of the time, though, and doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes of his past. But if he doesn’t want to deal with teenage emotions, then why is he tryin’ to marry a teenager? If her “monthly” is bothering her so much, Mark suggests Nikki go on birth control. But Nikki knows that Mark wants her on the pill not so much to alleviate cramps, but to prevent future mini-Marks from taking root in her fertile womb. (Ugh, I’m grossing myself out typing that!)

Mark admits he doesn’t want a pregnancy to happen. There’s less than a 2% chance he’ll change his mind. So, does she even want to be here, he wonders? Nikki says she’s made her decision – she’s here, isn’t she? Mark reminds her she has 61 days to reverse that decision, though, so she better get thinking. Nikki takes to her bed again, realizing the sacrifice she’s making to never have children. As Mark plays the piano downstairs, Nikki cries upstairs. And the single repeated high notes of a horror movie tinkle in the background…

Back in the land of 6am wake up calls, Aleksandra is still wondering what Josh’s family thinks of her. She, Josh, and his parents sit down to discuss the upcoming wedding. Dirk of the Constant Suit and Tie Wearing awkwardly broaches the subject, wondering if Aleksandra is truly in this forever? She says yes, she will always try to make Josh happy, but gets nervous and tongue tied explaining her intentions.

Aleksandra is scared they think she’s a “bad girl,” she tells them. Dirk thinks it’s great Aleksandra has been coming to 6am scripture reading, and thinks she’s a good girl who will make Josh very happy. He sees her commitment to him, and to their family. Aleksandra says her “heart was melting” to hear these words from Josh’s dad, which is a relief not only for her, but for Josh too. Awww. 

It’s the day of Alexei’s test shoot, and no one could be more excited than…Loren. Alexei is told immediately by the photographer that he’ll have to change a lot of things to become a successful model, like shave his chest hair for one. He’s not up for it, but suddenly finds himself in a bathroom with Loren razoring off his 5 chest hairs, so. Yeah.

“He’s gonna love this,” Loren maniacally whispers to no one as Alexei stares stony-faced at the camera like he’s going to punch it in the throat. He’s not feeling this. The photographer says they’ve gotten maybe 3 good shots out of the session. Loren thinks he just needs an attitude adjustment, but Alexei says if Loren keeps pushing him to do this, it’s going to have a bad affect on their relationship. Something tells me Loren won’t go quietly into that good night, though, as she’s got her own agenda for their #relationshipgoals. And it doesn’t involve Alexei talking, thinking, or growing chest hair or a pair

Back on Bourbon Street, Noon is pouting at the bar next to the drunkety-drunks who are accosting her bartender fiance. Kyle turns his attention to her, though, which briefly perks her up. When the flirty girls leave, Noon sticks around to walk Kyle home. She tells him she didn’t like what she saw there, but he assures her that flirting is all part of the job. He’s trying to make a buck, and wants Noon to know that (like Bryan Adams) everything he’s doing, he’s doing for her.

Noon feels jealous in the moment, but worse, she wonders what else she doesn’t know about Kyle? Will he be a faithful husband? Kyle understands her feelings, but doesn’t want her to be uneasy about his role at work. He hopes that as Noon comes to understand American culture more, she’ll accept that customer service as a bartender on Bourbon Street means flirting with tipsy patrons more often than not.

This episode, it seems like most of these couples are taking a look under each other’s hoods a bit more carefully now. One has to wonder: will they like what they see?

TELL US: ARE MARK AND NIKKI HEADED FOR DISASTER? SHOULD LOREN KEEP PUSHING ALEXEI INTO MODELING? WILL KYLE AND NOON BE ABLE TO WORK THROUGH JEALOUSY ISSUES?

Photo Credit: TLC

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